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Maddie

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Very small northern town miles off the main highway. Old by American standards.
Small river runs through it. There's a low dam and an old wooden covered bridge.
Four bars, two churches, and a dollar store..
No supermarket or fast food.
A few pickups, motorcycles, and farm vehicles on the main drag.
My home going on five years. I have no previous identity history here.
I worked my last business identity in over 40 states in that time but not here.
Like my home base away from it all.

I have fairly new guy friend who lives a couple blocks away, overlooking the bars.
Long hair, scraggly short beard, tinted glasses. Same age as me.
He has no phone number and communicates thru a facebook app.
I have a phone but will not go on Facebook.
So we don't talk much.
But we do fine in person. Hadn't seen him since the shutdowns. Heard he's been laid off, like a lot of folks.
I went out walking past his place and emailed him. I swear sixty seconds later, he come right down. We talked for a llittle while, then he walked with me, all around town. Late afternoon. Felt good he didn't mind everyone seeing us. Not that they care.a hoot. We stood and talked outside the Wolf's Den, and guys by the parked bikes were noticing us, and me. I figure they know Ross since he hangs at that bar too. It's not like we were holding hands or acting romantic. But people talk, and more people here know me than I know them.

I wonder things like: Are they giving me a second look because I'm rare?
Making an assessment of my hotness (or opposite of hotness? ;)

Anyway I broke social distancing and hugged him. He was cool and had instigated no more than a handshake.
I am some kind of awkward with guy handshakes.
I hugged him, so as not to be awkward. He was not unwilling and basically nothing but cool.

I think more often about moving away from here. A bigger/maybe newer town.
Somewhere with a different dancing to booze ratio..
But if I leave too soon, I may never know what I'm running away from.
 

Linde

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Maddie.
I lived in a small town in Wisconsin (albeit some bigger than yours), and my ex is from a similar small town, as yours is, in Wisconsin. People in the upper Midwest are generally nice, and live and let live is the mantra there. I had the advantage that it was only about 35 mins to work in the Twin Cities, but after work, we hardly went there. Life in a small town in Wisconsin can be good, if you can stand the winters.

And Tonya seems to like the Wisconsin style of life pretty well, too. When we moved back to the US from Germany, the Wisconsin advertising was "Visit Wisconsin, you are among friends". After living there for 40 years, I am homesick a lot for the Wisconsin style of living! Here in Florida, i don't have cold feet, and the people are friendly, but it is a different kind of friendliness, not as deep going and honest as it was up there.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder, if it was a mistake to make the move? (I do miss Wisconsin and Minnesota a real big lot)


Hugs
Linde
 

Maddie

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MN and WI miss you too Linde.
But FL is having fun with you now!
 

Maddie

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I don't feel targeted either. Did my post seem like I was? If so I'll pull it down. Sorry for misunderstanding
 

Linde

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MN and WI miss you too Linde.
But FL is having fun with you now!
Florida might have fun with me (they like the money I spend here), but once in a while I ponder the idea to move back into the deep freezer

Hugs
Linde
 

Monica

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Maddie, I always was particular where I lived. It makes a difference to me. Georgia people could be friendly but not deep down friendly like you said. I get it! It is important that people are 'real.' Maybe if you two talk more, you can figure out if there is potential for things to go further with Ross. I probably would want to know that too before thinking of moving. Sometimes, you have to make opportunities for interaction happen. As to the on lookers, it is hard to tell what people think. I was in Home Depot the other day. As I waited in line, I noticed a guy looking at me, staring. I looked back three or four times and he was still staring, no expression. Sometimes you can tell what kind of look someone gives, but this time, no clue. Not my problem. I didn't realize you were so out in the country.
 

Maddie

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Since our walk, he came over and saw my place and chatted for a couple hours. I'd like to know more about Ross. Probably best not to find out...
He emailed me yesterday with a random question and and I answered it and added an equally irrelevant question, so maybe the conversation will continue.

Didn't mention it before, but I did go fishing with Dick and his grandkids last week. No pics because all the fish were small and real ugly. We found and returned a lost pit bull though!

This is all cart ahead of the horse stuff really. I'm not, and will never be, the girl I imagine I could reinvent myself to be. Still hoping a next-best case scenario might be close enough to sustain me and salvage my life.
 

Linde

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I'm not, and will never be, the girl I imagine I could reinvent myself to be. Still hoping a next-best case scenario might be close enough to sustain me and salvage my life.
None of us will be the girl of our dreams. I am sad to report that I just scraped my hope to become a covergirl for Cosmopolitan. But those dreams are pretty high set anyway. But we can be just an everyday woman, and live a similar life like all other every day women. I am there already, you will be there in the near future!
And I bet, your guy will be happy with an every day woman, and is not looking for a covergirl!


Hugs
Linde
 

TonyaJanelle

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I always wanted to be the pretty girl. My dysphoria episodes nowadays are mostly about realizing that I won't ever be.

Usually I'm happy as hell just to be living as I am but you all know how it works.
 

Monica

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My dream was to be a joke writer for my girl Linde! Cosmo, you kill me Linde, you scamp! LOL I hate my looks too. You go with it and enjoy things as you can. Now, if we were all vampires, we wouldn't have to worry about mirrors. Stay with me now, we would come from 'trans'sylvania! It's like it was meant to be! 🥩 Say no to steaks through the heart though!
 

Maddie

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I think I wanna be more like you Lady Sarah.

It may not always be clear who's bring serious here. But you all are good company :)

Be sure to stop again for more Maddness
 

Maddie

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Oh God.
Seeing news.
Glad I'm not in the inner city anymore.
Hope you're not caught up in the riots.
 
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OzGirl

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Maddie, your avatars just keep getting better!!

I also hope my US friends are staying safe!

Hugs to you all!

Allie
 

TonyaJanelle

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Maddie, your avatars just keep getting better!!

I also hope my US friends are staying safe!

Hugs to you all!

Allie
Gotta second that on the avatar, @Maddie Looking good girl.
 

Maddie

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Gosh thanks :)
You ladies could talk me off a ledge with a smile
 

Linde

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Now it is my time to chime in on our new avatar!

You look great young lady, just great!

Hugs
Linde
 

Maddie

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Yesterday I drove to Milwaukee to see my doctor, get blood labs, and also sing with a band at a house. Tuesday night I was following the trouble there on the radio, as it had turned from a protest into a mob. I almost didn't go.
But I got a text message from the band guy and he said "Joey" would be there.

Joey...
Think Tony Danza with a slice of Eric Estrada. With long hair. He plays bass and sings good....

So I spent significant time on my legs, skin, and hair night before.

Went with short skirt, t-shirt, and sandals. No green wig lol. Not too much obvious makeup since it was hot (have not yet progressed to priming and sealing aspects of cosmetic insanity)

Appts and errands ran over so I arrived fashionably late for jamming. There were four other guys and me.

Joey came right up to me smiling and told me how good I looked!
I smiled, thanked him, and had to return the compliment. He looks real good for his age. Strong salt and pepper hair, cut much shorter now, with a small high ponytail. The man still has an edge. (Not your average grey hair ponytail look, ok)

We sang together easy. No discussion.
Joey took over these other guys' jam and never had to tell me one thing. Afterwards i sat myself down next to him on the couch.
He said, "I've known you longer than you realize..."
To which i told him exactly where and when we met, in a bar I was playing at, and exactly what he had said to me. 23 years ago. He smiled and said "you remember!"
 
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OzGirl

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Ooooh! You left us in suspense! Must have the next instalment now! Did you hit it off, is there more?

Hugs,

Allie
 

Maddie

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Hmmm.

Allie, I am resisting temptation to embellish this story. (I like your new photo btw!)

Bottom line is I left and made a run for the county line after curfew ;)

Such a rebel!
 
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