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What's the hardest thing for you right now?

Moni

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2020
Messages
831
Everyone has to do it their way. As young as you are, stealth could be good for you. I guess in my case, I had so many people connections and my support was good, going stealth would have been traumatic. I wonder how hard it is to recreate a new narrative of what you went through as a younger person. It would seem to take quite a commitment of keeping to that narrative. I hope the family is cool for you @Dylan J however you decide to go from there.
 

Katie

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
1,498
I think the hardest thing for me is what it's been for two years -- just don't think my marriage will survive me being publicly non-gender-conforming beyond very low-key, androgynous presentation. She's simply a thoroughly old-fashioned gal when it comes to wanting a man for a partner. Kind of think she values generic male over unique trans me, though our long history together complicates that. But I do respect that. The heart wants what it wants, and that is true for both of us. But the two wants are not terribly sympatico.
I can sympathize. My wife has very rigid ideas of gender roles, and is also a very conservative evangelical Christian who has betrayed me to the church we were attending, and that led to all kinds of strife. She is not supportive of me transitioning and says I am sinning. It's not a happy situation.
 

Randi

Active member
Joined
Apr 26, 2020
Messages
44
I can sympathize. My wife has very rigid ideas of gender roles, and is also a very conservative evangelical Christian who has betrayed me to the church we were attending, and that led to all kinds of strife. She is not supportive of me transitioning and says I am sinning. It's not a happy situation.
That sounds truly awful. You must love her a lot to stick through all that. I hope you can find a way forward that makes you happy.
 

Katie

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
1,498
That sounds truly awful. You must love her a lot to stick through all that. I hope you can find a way forward that makes you happy.
So do I. The thing I fear most is hurting the kids. That is my number one anxiety in all of this. I don't want my need to transition to harm them. It is such an awful situation to be in.
 

Randi

Active member
Joined
Apr 26, 2020
Messages
44
So do I. The thing I fear most is hurting the kids. That is my number one anxiety in all of this. I don't want my need to transition to harm them. It is such an awful situation to be in.
I think there are enough examples of LGBT parents successfully raising children that you need not fear hurting them because you are transitioning. They need to know they are safe and loved, and have their gifts and interests nurtured. You can do that. We don’t live in a vacuum. It does create complexity but it can be done. Hope your wife understands that.
 

TonyaJanelle

Two more days
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
870
So do I. The thing I fear most is hurting the kids. That is my number one anxiety in all of this. I don't want my need to transition to harm them. It is such an awful situation to be in.

Your kids will be fine with it if your wife lets them. I think I remember you saying before that that could be an issue. That must be tough.
 

Emma

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
139
I think there are enough examples of LGBT parents successfully raising children that you need not fear hurting them because you are transitioning. They need to know they are safe and loved, and have their gifts and interests nurtured. You can do that. We don’t live in a vacuum. It does create complexity but it can be done. Hope your wife understands that.
My daughters were three and six when I came out. They’re 22 and 25 (almost 26) now and they’re just fine. My husband also had older kids who were adults. Obviously they were fine. We have two boys we adopted as infants. They’re fine with me being a trans Mom and Larry being a gay dad. Kids are amazing adaptable depending on how it’s handled. The important thing is that they know you love them and are there for them and that no matter what they can count on you. I know each situation is different and I don’t mean to say there isn’t risk, but for four kids anyway, it’s been fine for us.
 

Donica

Just moving forward!
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
466
Deleted: Sorry! It was the wrong thread. Please carry on :cool:
 
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