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Katie

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I have known for a while that my cholesterol and blood sugar levels are elevated, and just recently discovered that I have some fatty infiltration in my liver. I am overweight and unhealthy.

For the last 6 weeks or so I have been consistent with exercise and have been improving my diet. I am finally making progress after several years of not caring for myself properly.

Twice this week my wife has complained about me exercising. She says that I should not be out exercising, but at home helping her. She doesn't seem to get that this will be a matter of life and death just a few years down the road.

I became majorly, severely depressed over the course of our marriage as my gender dysphoria grew harder to deal with, and really let myself go. I used to be very fit and competed in triathlons before we got married. After we got married and my gender dysphoria went off the charts, I just stopped caring about myself. I actually hoped that I would die young of congestive heart failure or something. I wanted to be done with this life and figured the sooner the better.

After I started HRT, I found that I really wanted to live for the first time in my life. I struggled for a couple of years to really stick to an exercise and diet routine that works, but I just kept failing. I am now making progress and feel like her lack of support just sucks the wind out of my sails. Why bother? Why try to be healthy? I may as well just go back to clogging my arteries and gaining weight and speed the process up so I can get off this lousy ride.

I hear other people's spouses talk about being proud of them when they make efforts to lose weight, eat better and be healthy. They encourage them and cheer them on. But not my wife. I am somehow a bad person for wanting to take care of myself so I can be around long enough to see the kids grow up.

I just kind of want to throw in towel and say fuck it.
 

OzGirl

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Katie, you have to question her motivation and start think about what is best for you and your family. Transition or not, your kids need you, not another heart attack taking a parent away. It is aways difficult to balance work, family and personal time, but we have to make time for all or the lot will crash. Many non working partners seem to think that spouses love their work so much it is mostly personal time. They might see they are trapped at home, and because a spouse gets out to work, it isn't fair. Easy solution, then tell her she should look for a job with similar income and you will happily stay home!!

In reality, the only way forward is to manage so you get the time you need, and she also gets some personal time. But you need to look after your health!

Hugs,

Allie
 
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Marie62

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@Katie, had this been the first I read about your wife and the types of issues the two of you are having, I would react differently, but I do remember your post on the discussion you had with her last week and her reasoning in that. From that, your post here makes me wonder - and I somehow get the feeling that much of the above is "venting", but if it is, be my guest ... (y)

But, before we all start putting her down for not allowing you to be who and what you are, let's also give it to her that you are simply *not* the man she married and vowed to love until death do us (you...) part - anymore.

So, small wonder she is having a hard time adjusting to the situation and it does *not* exactly make things better for her to see you doing better and - god beware - soon possibly even well, that you are achieving your own goals for yourself, however small they may be.

This is very difficult for a spouse who already feels robbed, since her seemingly safe bet on being "married to a man" has just gone to shambles and no, I am not trying to be on her side, but let's give her the right to mope, shall we????

Having said that, last week you wrote that she is not debating continuing your marriage, but is only weighing the amount of sin embedded in the two alternative reasons for failure, so if this is it, then why should you worry about her personally, she IS already gone, you just don't know the reason given yet. - And if this is so, then there really are only seven (7!) things you should worry about now: You and your six lovelies - and if you have a cat and a dog, yes, those as well!

So, don't give me that "I just kind of want to throw in towel and say fuck it." thing! - This is not like you at all and likely you had to look up the four letter word anyway ... ;)

Continue to exercise, continue to love and care for your kids, continue to be as happy a dad as you can possibly be - and give her some time to get out of mope-mode, she just might.

And even if that does not mean you can make your marriage work, it could well mean being able to find a grown-up arrangement between the two of you, so your kids do not get torn apart between you. - They are the most important treasure you have, besides yourself, of course.

Love,
Marie
 

Monica

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Katie, I hate my thought about this because it is so cliche, but it is true. Stay positive, take positive steps for you and your kids. Giving into the negative is only going to make you feel worse, more anxious. She is probably depressed and wants company in that depression. Do the exercise for you! You will not always be in the place you are now. Don't be the person ten years from now who says, "I should have done this or that." Do the things that you know are healthy for your body and mind, even if you get exasperated by her attitude. Rise above her crap. You know she is not right. Don't let her bring you to her level of negativity. We love you Girl!
 

Kenna

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Katie, your domestic situation makes the prospective circumstances you're anticipating at work seem simple!

I left my marriage for much less than what you're experiencing! A small hope might be that such a threat seriously made, might lead to amended behaviour, but I'm not very hopeful.

While I'm no expert, and your system is undoubtedly different to those I'm familiar with in Australia, I've done a little work in Child Protection authorities, and the behaviour you describe would certainly warrant an investigation if it occurred here, and probably an intervention if no change occurred.

I wonder if it might be time to get some legal or other professional advice.

Hugs!
-Kenna
 
En Femme 728 x 90
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