Welcome!

By registering with us, you'll be able to discuss, share and private message with other members of our community.

SignUp Now!

OzGirl

Global Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
2,573
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
I wholeheartedly agree, and yes, also about that distinct smell, it is so wonderful to hold or comfort them when they cry that newborn crying, which is so different and so touching. - Once your own kids start growing you kind of forget just how small the newborns really are and when the daughter of a good friend asked me to hold her newborn daughter while she got things ready for her a couple of months ago, I felt a bit insecure at first and then was totally overwhelmed.

I do go a bit gooey, and I can sort of understand my first wife leaving me with toddlers saying I made her feel inadequate as a mother. (She wasn't a good mother).

Hugs,

Allie
 

Linde

Adminstrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
4,838
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Intersex
You ladies are different. Newborns are noisy, they hurt my sensitive ears, they smell of pee and poop, because they do this constantly. Now don't tell me their excrements don't smell bad, I know better, I had to smell them all the time.
Once they are toddlers, I am fine with them, because we can communicate with each other, but newborns, you can keep them and leave me alone!

Hugs
Linde
 
Last edited:

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
748
I have commented on several members journeys lately. Applauding @CarolinaPhD living authentically and encouraging @NicoleT plus the random moronic comments I make here and there. And today's topic is......................drum roll please 🥁 🤣 this path is different for everyone. There is no right or wrong with one major exception. Allowing fear to influence your decisions. Ah crap, got to go put the clothes into the dryer. 😁 Trans-people do laundry too. More shortly.
 

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
748
I will get to our different journeys in a moment. First why is the only wrong choice letting fear make your decisions? Where does that fear come from? Anyone, anyone? Buehler? 🤣

If you don't know the answer Hi my name is Kim and welcome. LOL. It is from internalized transphobia. That does not mean hating transpeople rather it means internalizing all of the messages we have received our entire lives. And that makes us think deep down we will be laughed at, ridiculed, rejected.

So other than allowing fear to control us there is no right way to live authentically. Regarding trans-people just look at some members here. There are so many ways people do this and that is great.

Reconfiguring our bodies. GCS FFS BA
Changing our names
Changing our birth certificates
Changing our appearance.
All of the above
None of the above.
Changing our voice or not
Vaginoplasty or orchiectomy or non op.
Transitioning
Not transitioning
Non Binary
Cross dressing

So what is wrong with some of these? NOTHING. I know people in all of these categories. I know about 50 transwomen in person and 5 transmen. Online I am familiar with at least another 50 from various forums. And those people all have their own approach.

There are so many things that factor into this journey.
Job - spouse - finances - health challenges - level of gender dysphoria.
Some may be a deal breaker for some depending on their level of gender dysphoria or preference or any other reason.
I know a few transwomen that have had orchies to remove the testosterone but kept their penis based on personal preference.

The only thing that should not dictate your decision or path is FEAR. Easy for me to say? Not really. I hid for 55 years of my life.
Why? Because I did not want to look ridiculous. I did not want to be laughed at. I did not want to be rejected. I wanted to be loved.

So I hid my secret and never planned on doing anything. Then one day on my way home from a transgender clothing shop someone told me I was the happiest person they had seen all day. That night I decided. Some of you know the rest of the story but I will skip my entire journey for now.

I was scared out of my mind. I had some great early mentors, a great therapist and sometimes for an idiot I can be kind of smart.
Quiet @Moni 🤣 How did I come out and transition? I listened to people that asked me tough questions and I answered them honestly. And most important I tried to learn all of the crap I learned about gender my entire life was exactly that...... crap.

Was it easy? Hell no. But it was the best thing I ever did. It took about 6 months until I reached a level of comfort and 4 years later I would say I am 95% comfortable. Once in awhile it's hard but it is worth it.

For lessons on overcoming fear follow this space. Some knucklehead will be posting here. 😁🤣
 

Kenna

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
1,021
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Kim, I generally agree with you, but I have a qualification, where a particular fear can and should have an impact on our journeys. The fear of inflicting pain on those we love, who may well be subject to fear on our behalf. Yes, they are very likely subject to the same culturally indued transphobia that we need to overcome in ourselves but personally, I believe that we have a responsibility to help them with their journey as much as we can as well. It might be a spouse, other family members or close friends; in my case it is my younger daughter. Yes, fear needs to be overcome, but it's not always just ours, and that can add time to the process. Ultimately though, we live our own journeys and are responsible for ourselves, but few of us are islands.
Hugs,
-Kenna
 

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
748
Kenna I will agree with you in the case of young children, What qualifies as young children? Honestly I cannot cite a specific age each person would need to determine that themselves. But IMO it does not include adult children. But we should be considerate of our loved ones and discuss with them the reasons and educate them. However I do not think it is conducive to healthy relationships to hide who we are from our loved ones or from ourselves.
 

Linde

Adminstrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
4,838
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Intersex
I very much agree with you Kim, those who are closest to our heart should know first. The first person I ever came out to was my son, the next one was my ex,followed by my best friends.
From there my coming out did span larger and larger circles, until all those to who I planned to com out to knew about me.

Hugs
LInde
 

Kenna

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
1,021
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
But we should be considerate of our loved ones and discuss with them the reasons and educate them. However I do not think it is conducive to healthy relationships to hide who we are from our loved ones or from ourselves.
Absolutely! But our transition also invokes the need for transition in those we love. I think we have an obligation to help them in their transition journey along with our own, but if we actively attempt this and it becomes apparent that they are persistently choosing to not come with us, it calls into question the quality of the relationship. We then have a hard choice to make! While our values will have a role to play in this, fear should not; at this point I strongly agree with you. I'm pretty confident that my daughter is coming along with me but she is fearful of the consequences for herself if the pretty red-necked community in which she lives and works became aware that her father is transgender. I'd like to think that she's over-reacting a bit, but that's not my call. In the meantime as a consequence of our mutual respect I need to be careful to let her know well ahead of the steps I'm taking.
Hugs,
-Kenna
 

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
748
Kenna I never intend to tell people what to do but I do offer my opinions for consideration. I may disagree with someone else's approach but that is their decision to make and not mine. Regarding your daughter for example, I do think her concerns about her community may be exaggerated. Some in her community may think you are odd but I doubt the villagers will show up at her door with pitchforks. But more importantly for those that we love would we not stand by them under any circumstance particularly living their truth?

My exception to this opinion is regarding younger children. I would never have transitioned when my children were young. They are incapable of fully comprehending complex issues such as this and IMO need to have a secure environment where their world seems secure to the extent possible. As they grow they can deal with complex matters. Other people that have stronger and more aggressive opinions than myself would say teach them early and no age is too young. I am not that extreme.
 

TonyaJanelle

Ubiquitous Moderator she/her/hers
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
2,197
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Kids will surprise you though. My grandson was 10 when I started transitioning. It was a little tough for him as I was his male role model. He lived at my house since birth and dad mostly not around.
Past couple months though he's not misgendered me and even corrects other family members when they do.
 

Marie62

Speak less to say more ...
Joined
Jun 11, 2020
Messages
988
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
My brother (minus 7 years) was really worried how his 10 year old son and 11 year old daughter would take it and he delayed telling them about me until 2 days before we met for a picnic celebrating our older brother's 60th in a pandemically correct way.

When he told Klara, his 11 year old and was using "kiddie correct language" she said "Daddy, could you please stop it, of course I know what a TransGender is, do you think I am a baby?" - We then met two days later and there was not a second of insecurity in either of the two, but they had big buckets full of questions with them ... Kids do surprise you - every day!
 

Kenna

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
1,021
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Regarding your daughter for example, I do think her concerns about her community may be exaggerated. Some in her community may think you are odd but I doubt the villagers will show up at her door with pitchforks.
Hi KIm, My daughter is not worried about her physical safety, more being socially rejected and isolated. I'm pretty confident that it would be nowhere near as bad as she fears, but I have to respect her requests based on her assessment of her situation. The most significant consequence is that she doesn't want me to visit her as Kenna, although I have no doubt that she'll still be open to visiting me occasionally even though it's an 8 hour drive each way.
Hugs,
-Kenna
 

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
748
Hi KIm, My daughter is not worried about her physical safety, more being socially rejected and isolated. I'm pretty confident that it would be nowhere near as bad as she fears, but I have to respect her requests based on her assessment of her situation. The most significant consequence is that she doesn't want me to visit her as Kenna, although I have no doubt that she'll still be open to visiting me occasionally even though it's an 8 hour drive each way.
Hugs,
-Kenna
Kenna I wish the very best for you and your daughter and your relationship. Keep communicating.
 

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
748
OMG I just made my once every couple weeks post on SP (you know why) and the word 'crap' was actually deleted. Seriously?

Do some of us swear here once in awhile? Yep I do. But it is not over the top, constant or extremely vulgar. I think everyone here is appropriate. But really? Block that word? I should type 'darn' and see if that gets blocked too.
 

TonyaJanelle

Ubiquitous Moderator she/her/hers
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
2,197
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female

Linde

Adminstrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
4,838
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Intersex
OMG I just made my once every couple weeks post on SP (you know why) and the word 'crap' was actually deleted. Seriously?

Do some of us swear here once in awhile? Yep I do. But it is not over the top, constant or extremely vulgar. I think everyone here is appropriate. But really? Block that word? I should type 'darn' and see if that gets blocked too.
As long as you don't call me to be crap, nothing will be moderated!

Hugs
Linde
 

Marie62

Speak less to say more ...
Joined
Jun 11, 2020
Messages
988
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
As long as you don't call me to be crap, nothing will be moderated!
I don’t know Susan’s, well I looked around, but am no member, so I am currently lost here in this discussion, but I did want to say that I really enjoy the ever so slight level of moderation here at TR and I also want to say “keep up the good work” and in return we will try to behave ... 💋
 
En Femme 728 x 90
Top Bottom