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Sexual orientation change (for some) from transition

Lexxi

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Ok now I know--my sexuality must have been asleep for a while. That would explain why ever since I started my transition I only think of guys...sexually speaking. Women are still the most beautiful, sexiest people in my opinion, but when I look at them I'm not thinking about sleeping with them...I'm wishing I looked like them.

I'm jealous that some big, strong guy looks at them and wants them. I want guys to look at me the same way, but I know realistically that's probably not gonna happen...unless I pay for it. Which I will probably do after my surgery. lol
 

OzGirl

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There is a caution here, it is not unusual to think a liaison with the opposite sex will validate your gender. Once validated, the need for sex disappears. It is important to consider this when deciding on which surgery to get, so try to determine if that guy is really sexy, or do you just want him to validate you!!

I went through a phase where I thought I needed a straight man to court and make love to me before I could consider myself a woman, but then I realised it wasn't really a sexual attraction.

Hugs,

Allie
 

a Birdie on a Wire

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I've seen this question/concept posed in other places on the net and I just don't think it's true.
I don't think a person's sexual orientation changes because of hormone therapy. If it does, I think it happens because it was always there but was repressed.

I think the one I have most issue with is the idea that sexual orientation changes because one is now viewing their sexuality through the lens of their newly awakened gender identity. At 4:24 she attempts to re-enforce her 1st hypothesis by asking the question, "if it's not my true gender, then how can my sexuality based on that be also true?"

This question re-enforces the false narrative that sexual attraction is connected to gender.
That. Is. False.
Gender identity and sexual orientation are not connected. Sexual orientation is NOT defined by one's gender and vice versa. If so, every lesbian and gay man are obviously identifying as the wrong gender.

As for her 2nd hypothesis of self acceptance might explain a change of orientation... it relies on the idea that orientation is tied to gender and it simply isn't.

3rd... sexuality is fluid. I suppose that is possible but it has nothing to do with transitioning. Had I stayed a boy... never changed my gender, according to this hypothesis, my orientation very well may have evolved and changed given enough time or the right circumstance.

Now, I'll concede that I am not trained as an expert on human but I've been exploring my gender for about 6+ years and have been on hormone therapy for about 6+ months and nothing has changed on my end. Boys are still gross! :D

edit: left out the word “behavior” in last paragraph. Should read “... expert on human behavior...”
 
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Katie

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Sexual orientation has changed for me, but it hasn't been a polar change. I was straight while living as a man, but am now asexual. I just don't feel a need for it. As for companionship and nonsexual romantic involvement, I still find women attractive and men unattractive.
 

magic_michelle

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I have seen no change at all in my sexual orientation, I am still attracted to women as I have been every since I started high school and have no interest in men either romantically or sexually but I have noticed one change. I could never see what made attractive men attractive prior to commencing HRT. At all. Whilst I still am not attracted to men I do now see what it is that makes attractive men attractive, I'm just not interested in it myself. I have also seen the individual in this video refer to trans women as cross dressers though so I am not sure that they are the best source for any form of information as I have seen them fundamentally misunderstand trans issues and invalidate our identities as women in some truly offensive ways, just a thought.
 

OzGirl

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I've always been asexual, never have been attracted to women or men. This still seems to be the case as I have no libido, but it has been recommended I take T supplements, and if I did, and developed a libido, I think I might prefer to be with a man for sexual activity. Of course if this happened it would indicate some fluidity depending on circumstances!

Hugs,

Allie
 

pamelatransuk

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I've seen this question/concept posed in other places on the net and I just don't think it's true.
I don't think a person's sexual orientation changes because of hormone therapy. If it does, I think it happens because it was always there but was repressed.

I think the one I have most issue with is the idea that sexual orientation changes because one is now viewing their sexuality through the lens of their newly awakened gender identity. At 4:24 she attempts to re-enforce her 1st hypothesis by asking the question, "if it's not my true gender, then how can my sexuality based on that be also true?"

This question re-enforces the false narrative that sexual attraction is connected to gender.
That. Is. False.
Gender identity and sexual orientation are not connected. Sexual orientation is NOT defined by one's gender and vice versa. If so, every lesbian and gay man are obviously identifying as the wrong gender.

As for her 2nd hypothesis of self acceptance might explain a change of orientation... it relies on the idea that orientation is tied to gender and it simply isn't.

3rd... sexuality is fluid. I suppose that is possible but it has nothing to do with transitioning. Had I stayed a boy... never changed my gender, according to this hypothesis, my orientation very well may have evolved and changed given enough time or the right circumstance.

Now, I'll concede that I am not trained as an expert on human but I've been exploring my gender for about 6+ years and have been on hormone therapy for about 6+ months and nothing has changed on my end. Boys are still gross! :D
I have debated this subject with Moni on another website and we agree to respectfully disagree.

I completely agree with Birdie's summary above in that the 2 subjects are not connected.

As a man I was mainly asexual and have not had sex with a woman since 1987 and have never had sex with a man. In February I will be 3 years HRT and hoping for GRS in April and having had GRS, I believe I will almost certainly remain asexual but I just MAY only MAY consider sleeping with a woman as a lesbian if the right lesbian happened to turn up.

Whereas I have always known (like many other Members) that I am trans since early childhood, with hindsight I realize now that I have always had minor lesbian tendencies.

I do not deny that some transitioners may change sexual orientation after HRT or during transition in general, but I think it is a small minority.

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

pamelatransuk

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I have also seen the individual in this video refer to trans women as cross dressers though so I am not sure that they are the best source for any form of information as I have seen them fundamentally misunderstand trans issues and invalidate our identities as women in some truly offensive ways, just a thought.
Thank you Magic Michelle for pointing out this person confuses transwomen with crossdressers or transvestites and secondly has insulted us by in validating our identities. Therefore I shall not take her seriously or respectfully.

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

pamelatransuk

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Now just another point some may wish to consider on this subject (which applies to me):

Surely it may be the case that, when we as transwomen look at attractive women either before or during or after transition, we may have feelings of envy but also of either non sexual friendship or sexual romance simultaneously and these feelings are in unison and not in competition.

Food for thought!

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

KathyLauren

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I am asexual, and I am quite comfortable that way. Comfortable enough that I am not motivated to delve too deeply into the causes behind that. I do recognize that the causes in my case are likely complex and unique to me. Some that I am aware of include being raised in deliberate ignorance of anatomy and sex; being denied access to school sex-ed classes; being sexually assaulted as a teen; being trans and confusing envy with attraction. The way the mess has played out is in attraction to females, revulsion against males, and low motivation to do much about it.

I have seen no change in my orientation as a result of my transition, other than that everything has become easier. It is easier to be honest (mostly with myself) about my revulsion towards males when I don't have to pretend to be one. It is easier to associate with females when I am seen as one. And age makes it easier to be asexual. Nothing against those seniors who still enjoy sex, but no one expects it of me.
 

pamelatransuk

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Katie, Allie, Kathy and I all profess to be (mainly) asexual and I strongly suspect the Transgender population has a much higher segment of asexual people than the population as a whole.

I am also comfortable as asexual. Of course I have wondered many times over the years: Had I been born cis instead of trans, would I still have been asexual? I honestly don't know but quite possibly yes asexual anyway.

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

Katie

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For me, the interests I had in a heterosexual relationship while living as a man was tied directly to my denial. I was so afraid of admitting to myself that I was transgender that I sought out all kinds of things (including heterosexual relationship) to try to find a way to make the guy thing work. Once I came out and started HRT, I felt so much better and my feelings about myself had become a lot more positive. As that happened, I lost interest in sexual stuff. Part of that may have been reduced libido from HRT, but I know for certain that at least some of it was due to feeling comfortable with who and what I am and not feeling the need for sex to validate my identity.
 

Ann Sophie

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For me, the interests I had in a heterosexual relationship while living as a man was tied directly to my denial. I was so afraid of admitting to myself that I was transgender that I sought out all kinds of things (including heterosexual relationship) to try to find a way to make the guy thing work. Once I came out and started HRT, I felt so much better and my feelings about myself had become a lot more positive. As that happened, I lost interest in sexual stuff. Part of that may have been reduced libido from HRT, but I know for certain that at least some of it was due to feeling comfortable with who and what I am and not feeling the need for sex to validate my identity.
I'm happy for you that you've found your way and that the need of proving your gender by having sex with the heterosexual counterpart isn't something bothering you and others. I always was annoyed by me older brother who always said that I would have to have sex with a woman to finally become a man and when I finally had, he really welcomed me to manhood... so ridiculous. It's the same bullshit with women...

Imho you should find the way you feel the best with. I acknowledged that I supressed my interest in men together with my female side for so many years (and my brother surely played a part in that - I still love him). And now I'm losing my interest in females because I realize that I was with them because I tried to be close to other females because like this I was able to be as close to my wishes as possible while I was denying myself... I start to understand that it might has been jealousy...

Now I when I have erotic thoughts it's with men and it hurts me that my body reacts in its manly way... I hate it and I'm so looking forward to GCS hopefully next year...

If I'm with a man or a woman in future? I don't know what life will be throwing at me. But the chances that I'll try out a man if I'm able to are high.

So I'm with most of you: I don't think you become "hetero" just because of HRT, I think HRT is freeing you and sets things free which have been there sealed away in before.
 

Linde

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I had my pre op today, and the surgeon said he wluld hate to not using my available tissue. He thinks he an create a 5" vaginal canal without needing any skin graft.
I later met with a fe ale endocrinologist, and a female psychologist. We talked abojt the minimal depth option a d this 5" alternative. I decided to go with the depth that can be achieved without needing a skin graft.

We also talked about my sexual orientation. I still seem to be as lesbian as can be. I am not able to identify a handsome man or a normal man. I currently live with two cis women, and when the call out a guy to be good locking, I am sitting there and wonder.

I did not have any sexdrive or libido for many years, my testosterone level was zero for many years. Several months ago, my endo pres ribed a small amount testosterone for me, and I now have little bit of libido back. Tbat would be ok when I have my new parts.

Hugs
Linde
 

Maybebaby56

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I've seen this question/concept posed in other places on the net and I just don't think it's true.
I don't think a person's sexual orientation changes because of hormone therapy. If it does, I think it happens because it was always there but was repressed.

I think the one I have most issue with is the idea that sexual orientation changes because one is now viewing their sexuality through the lens of their newly awakened gender identity. At 4:24 she attempts to re-enforce her 1st hypothesis by asking the question, "if it's not my true gender, then how can my sexuality based on that be also true?"

This question re-enforces the false narrative that sexual attraction is connected to gender.
That. Is. False.
Gender identity and sexual orientation are not connected. Sexual orientation is NOT defined by one's gender and vice versa. If so, every lesbian and gay man are obviously identifying as the wrong gender.

As for her 2nd hypothesis of self acceptance might explain a change of orientation... it relies on the idea that orientation is tied to gender and it simply isn't.

3rd... sexuality is fluid. I suppose that is possible but it has nothing to do with transitioning. Had I stayed a boy... never changed my gender, according to this hypothesis, my orientation very well may have evolved and changed given enough time or the right circumstance.

Now, I'll concede that I am not trained as an expert on human but I've been exploring my gender for about 6+ years and have been on hormone therapy for about 6+ months and nothing has changed on my end. Boys are still gross! :D

edit: left out the word “behavior” in last paragraph. Should read “... expert on human behavior...”
I'm going to go with door number 3 on this one, with the standard caveat that everyone is different. Sexuality can be fluid. I don't think that HRT changes one's sexuality, although it may expand it a bit.

I never had any sexual attraction to men prior to transitioning, After a year or so on hormones that began to change. I became more and more interested in men - maybe only because as a female it was allowed? Was internal homophobia the only reason I was not attracted to men before? I have no idea.

All I know is I now like having sex with men. I thought I preferred women, but that preference got more nuanced. I still like cuddling with my friend who is a girl, but after many failed attempts I concluded lesbian relationships are very hard to do. Men are easy. I know what they want and how to please them, and I have learned to find emotional comfort with the right man as well. I think it is very much an individual experience. I have a boyfriend who is really in to me, and I feel the same way about him. I love being his girl.

With kindness,

Terri
 

Monica

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First of all, a little giggle! I must confess that I kind of threw this topic down and ran away for a bit. It is an interesting topic and always draws opinions. For some reason, and I saw this with humor, not criticism, but this topic always seems to bring out all my asexual friends. I love it, everyone should have their opinions heard. Pamela, you know I had to try to draw you back on the site with something right? lol

Anyway, I have great personal experience with this topic. First off, I agree that hormones in isolation don't change sexual orientation. Gender and sexual orientation are two distinct things. Also, you cannot change sexual attraction as far as I've ever heard with negative reinforcement. Reparative therapy or whatever they call that crap is torture and nothing more. You can't prey away the gay as much as Lindsay Graham would like to. We agreed so far? Now, although gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things, it is absolutely not true (for some people) that they are without affect on each other.

I was a straight man. I lived life as a straight man, even though I struggled greatly with my gender. As a boy, I was attracted solely to girls, yeah, hubba, hubba! Hot girls made me nervous and made me hot, guys, I just worried about whether they could beat me up or something. I fell for a girl and married her. I am now a trans woman who has no interest in women romantically. (Hmmm can someone go from sexually attracted to asexual? Isn't that an orientation change right there?) Well in my case, I now have the hots for guys, post transition. I laugh when someone says, "Well you must have have suppressed your true sexuality!" That so does not fit my experience. Then I might hear, "Well, hormones can't change you like that!" And I agree. So, how did this happen? I have my answer. Anyone, for the sake of spirited conversation want to offer an explanation for that before I offer mine? Come on, step out of your own experience if your sexual orientation hasn't changed or are asexual and step into the dark side. What explains such a transformation? I'll give you a hint! We know that the bold words above couldn't do it.
 

Monica

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I have a boyfriend who is really in to me, and I feel the same way about him. I love being his girl.
Terri, how did you sneak in ahead of me? So happy to hear this and see you post. Hugs!
 

Maybebaby56

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Katie, Allie, Kathy and I all profess to be (mainly) asexual and I strongly suspect the Transgender population has a much higher segment of asexual people than the population as a whole.

I am also comfortable as asexual. Of course I have wondered many times over the years: Had I been born cis instead of trans, would I still have been asexual? I honestly don't know but quite possibly yes asexual anyway.

Hugs

Pamela xx
I think most cis-women can readily de-emphasize sex in their lives. It's not asexuality, it's the completeness of sexuality that women are born with. Men are an option, not a need, unless you want to be pregnant. Women are driven more by emotional needs.

With kindness,

Terri
 

Maybebaby56

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Terri, how did you sneak in ahead of me? So happy to hear this and see you post. Hugs!
Hi girl! Yeah, I vacillate between having no desire to participate in transgender forums to having a need for dialogue. The COVID isolation has been brutal, and Reddit really sucks much of the time, so here I be.

With kindness and affection,

Terri
 
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