Post Op Depression

[OzGirl]

So I find myself one month post op and suffering mild depression, but, as Moni suggested, it is due to factors other than the op. My partner announced she was leaving me, we had a family get together where everybody deadnamed me for 2 days despite me asking them to use my legal name, and I am really missing my grandkids, who I need to stay away from during early recuperation. I am getting more feeling around the op site, and sitting has become uncomfortable again, plus more stitches have let go, so things aren't perfect down there, but this isn't causing depression.

Knowing I was becoming depressed I reached out, both here and to friends and colleagues, because depression thrives on loneliness. I am still not happy, but my depression is easing.

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Kenna]

Good to hear that you're feeling a bit better Allie! Although I can understand how persistent deadnaming would be really depressing. I thought that the grandkids would have been fine to be around you now, or is the healing that much slower? And it seems a long time to still have stitches in; the most highly tensioned stitches & staples of my neck lift were removed after 10 days. I guess Andy knows what he's doing, it just surprises me.
Hugs!
-Kenna

 

[pamelatransuk]

Dear Allie

Sorry to hear you have been feeling depressed for the reasons you describe but relieved you have taken action resulting in the reduced level of depression. I shall be thinking of you and hoping this setback is soon history.

Yours in friendship. Hugs

Pamela xx

 

[OzGirl]

Good to hear that you're feeling a bit better Allie! Although I can understand how persistent deadnaming would be really depressing. I thought that the grandkids would have been fine to be around you now, or is the healing that much slower? And it seems a long time to still have stitches in; the most highly tensioned stitches & staples of my neck lift were removed after 10 days. I guess Andy knows what he's doing, it just surprises me.
Hugs!
-Kenna

Kenna, I'm not allowed to lift more than 5 kgs, and my 15 kg 2year old grandson simly won't unerstand this! Plus, they all put elbows in my breasts and their foot in my crutch when crawling over me. The stitches are due to strart dissolving, but can take up to 3 months.

The other anti depressant I use is to get active!

Hugs

 

[OzGirl]

Dear Allie

Sorry to hear you have been feeling depressed for the reasons you describe but relieved you have taken action resulting in the reduced level of depression. I shall be thinking of you and hoping this setback is soon history.

Yours in friendship. Hugs

Pamela xx

Thank you Pamela, it won't be the last time I feel down in the next months as we carve up our assets...

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Melanierose]

Hi Allie
Sorry you are having these feelings.
you have friends who support you and hopefully some nearby in OZ. You are doing what is right and acting honourably. Stay focused on the dream. What got me through is the slightly selfish thought but almost zen like.
you can only spread happiness in the world if your happy within yourself.
you can’t live other peoples view of life.
deadnaming is dreadful
My mother did it two days after surgery when I phoned her from hospital
I could have killed her but she now writes my name on letters etc correctly and mentions anthony so people can change. You have to be positive inside and show everyone that this is the right thing to do.
sadly divorce and a split of assets was an inevitable event for me.
sorry for rambling on
Love to you
You are a wonderful person. Unique
Enjoy the rest of your life xx

 

[OzGirl]

Hi Allie
Sorry you are having these feelings.
you have friends who support you and hopefully some nearby in OZ. You are doing what is right and acting honourably. Stay focused on the dream. What got me through is the slightly selfish thought but almost zen like.
you can only spread happiness in the world if your happy within yourself.
you can’t live other peoples view of life.
deadnaming is dreadful
My mother did it two days after surgery when I phoned her from hospital
I could have killed her but she now writes my name on letters etc correctly and mentions anthony so people can change. You have to be positive inside and show everyone that this is the right thing to do.
sadly divorce and a split of assets was an inevitable event for me.
sorry for rambling on
Love to you
You are a wonderful person. Unique
Enjoy the rest of your life xx

Thank you Melanie, your post was so lovely it made me cry! I will get through this, my ethos has always been to push ahead and be as nice to others as I can. My family loves me, but they simply don't understand what I am going through, and there has been a confluence of negative events in the last week. We rarely get together, so it will be some time before it comes up again, but I don't wish a repeat of the last few days.

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Kenna]

Kenna, I'm not allowed to lift more than 5 kgs, and my 15 kg 2year old grandson simly won't unerstand this! Plus, they all put elbows in my breasts and their foot in my crutch when crawling over me. The stitches are due to strart dissolving, but can take up to 3 months.

Yes Allie, little kids can be a challenge! Although I thought that the weight-lifting limit might have increased a bit by the one-month mark. Would wearing a very obvious sling or bandages be a sufficient reminder to limit his demands on you? My experience of 2-year-olds is that they can often understand things but need frequent reminders. You'd need only need to say that you're sore and can't lift them. a few times.

My knowledge of dissolvable sutures continues to grow! In my experience normal dissolvable sutures do their job for about a week and then mostly fall out over the next couple of weeks, although some ends may hang around a bit longer. I had ultra-fast-dissolving sutures in my eyelids for my blepharoplasties which, apart from a couple of annoying ends, had pretty much disappeared by the time of my one-week check. And now I've heard about your apparently ultra-slow-dissolving sutures. Interesting!

Hugs!
-Kenna

 

[Linde]

It is now 11 days after my surgery, and most of my stiches have dissolved already. Some seem to want to hang on a little longer. it looks like as if they will not be there for more than a few more days.

Hugs
Linde

 

[Rachel]

Sorry for the depression and huge changes and dead naming. It is a lot to deal with and it know it got me depressed. Sounds very similar tomy situation.

I do not know if you are back on E but I do think E after the operation helped. and SSRI helped ( I was on them for a year). I do know in time the huge change is replaced with a new normal. Different but something I find can have good times.

Congratulation on GCS and being courageous enough to live through hell and come out the other side. Most dare not go where we have gone.

 

[OzGirl]

Thanks Rachel, but I've never considered myself courageous for doing what I need to survive. I also try to avoid anti depressants in favor of attacking the core problems. I am back on E, and my levels are back to normal. I am struggling as I am now living all of the nightmares which prevented me from transitioning for a lifetime, and I am seeing only bad things coming. I went through last year just focussing on getting through 2020, and now I am facing a personally even worse 2021....

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Rachel]

It took me years to put my divorce into perspective. In retrospect we are much better off living apart.

My daughter and I are making plans for a Florida vacation. I had covid and we are vaccinated. My second dose is Friday ( I had a bad reaction to the first shot because I had it too close to having Covid).

I walk steps in the morning (100 squats, 9 flights of steps). Pre-covid I did 100 squats, 21 flights and 100 push ups at 0500. I am working my way back. Covid caused some longer term inflammation which has resolved. I really think the 0500 PT at work has trained myself for a focus and mindfulness and endorphin rush. Breathing heavy I think is the enemy of Covid and depression.

Things over time take a perspective. What we think is lost will find its way back home. The most difficult thing is to remain calm and loving in an adverse situation. In the end it defines ourselves and our destiny. We are who we are and if our "home" is safe and secure then those lost will come back.