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Melanierose

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Well, it's 6 days since my FFS. I had 8 hours of surgery but I have to wait a couple of months for my rhinoplasty to complete the transformation, although I expect less obvious changes from that much more restricted surgery. The change in appearance is still pretty clear under the swelling and puffy eyes with a clear difference to my brow. I had a neck and face lift with some of the fat transferred to my cheeks, but everything is still tight and swollen so I'm not making any judgements there. Apart from the sutures I didn't really notice anything from my upper lip lift until day 4 or 5 when I first noticed the visual change along with a change in sensation soon after. The surgeon hadn't told me that I'd have ointment in my eyes after fixing my droopy eyelids and that would limit my vision, which upset some of my recovery distraction plans. I was fairly angry, but also nearly laughed when on discharge from hospital he gave me a printed page about recovery from eye-lid surgery that I couldn't read.

Since discharge after 2 nights in hospital I've been pretty much on my own apart from my neighbour, who is a nurse, spending some time with me on the first evening at home, giving great advice about ice packs and reading the instructions for me. I've been given a couple of meals and some home grown roses. My kids have all called from interstate, my son daily. He had hoped to come and be with me but Covid rules prevented him coming.

I've been planning this surgery since quite early in my transition journey and seem to have isolated myself from any strong emotions. I suspect that once the sutures are out (hopefully tomorrow) and I start to feel less discomfort over the following days the emotions might start to creep back in as I gradually start resuming some more normal activities and getting out a bit. I've battled depression in the past which seems to mostly affect me with serious amotivation. I've some strategies for dealing with that but obviously hope that the reduced dysphoria will play a significant positive role.
Cheers,
-Kenna
Wow that’s a days job 8 hrs !
do they stop for tea or fag breaks or lunch
 

OzGirl

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Last night I felt a little down as I checked things out with the aid of a mirror and saw 3 stitches have let go in the rear of my flap. I have been so careful and can only imagine this happened while initially sitting before finding a comfortable position, and I am disappointed, but still not depressed. I have a review with my surgeon today, so I guess we’ll sort it out.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Melanierose

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Last night I felt a little down as I checked things out with the aid of a mirror and saw 3 stitches have let go in the rear of my flap. I have been so careful and can only imagine this happened while initially sitting before finding a comfortable position, and I am disappointed, but still not depressed. I have a review with my surgeon today, so I guess we’ll sort it out.

Hugs,

Allie
Oh dear
I had a couple bulge like giant peas and a 1/2 inch gap with no skin at the bottom area
This took about 6 weeks to heal with help from the practice nurse expert in skin issues
They do heal up
 

Monica

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Allie I went home with about an inch open wound. They left it open on purpose because I had bled and it needed to drain. It weirded me out at the time, but it all healed up fine. If you have concerns, take a picture and send it to them. I'm sure they, like my doc, gets them all the time.
 

OzGirl

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Allie I went home with about an inch open wound. They left it open on purpose because I had bled and it needed to drain. It weirded me out at the time, but it all healed up fine. If you have concerns, take a picture and send it to them. I'm sure they, like my doc, gets them all the time.
In 4 hours I will be at my surgeons rooms and 'assuming the position' so he can assess. The gaps are small and should heal ok, but there are only 3 stitches between the two small gaps so I hope they don't pop! I'm scared to sit now, and I have a 100 minute drive to see the surgeon!

Still not depressed!

Hugs,

Allie
 

Lexxi

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I don't understand how someone could get depressed after having their birth defect fixed after so many years. After mine gets fixed I don't think I'll ever be able to get depressed again...even if I try my hardest. ;)

So I'm right there with ya on the depression train of thought Allie. Good luck at your doctor's office.
 

Rachel

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I forgot, I could not have hormones 4 weeks before and 2 weeks after GCS or was it 6 before and 4 after. That too may have had a huge impact.

I was very happy I had GCS. It was a lifelong dream. I had no second thoughts and it was the best thing I did for myself.

I had no idea how bad my dysphoria was until I had GCS. I had no idea I could only empty a portion of my bladder when I urinated. ( I had an operation at age 12 because it took me so long to urinate).

I was worried I would be fired. My ex was divorcing me. I wondered if I could ever fit into a female role and accepted as a female. My GCS looked bad and I had 2 addition operations. I did not take opiates out of the hospital.
 
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TonyaJanelle

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I forgot, I could not have hormones 4 weeks before and 2 weeks after GCS or was it 6 before and 4 after. That too may have had a huge impact.
I had to stop 3 weeks before but they let me restart right away. Not sure if they would have if I'd have had full depth.

I don't understand how someone could get depressed after having their birth defect fixed after so many years. After mine gets fixed I don't think I'll ever be able to get depressed again...even if I tr
Having fixed the major defect seems to have pointed out to me all the other defects and issues. The surgery was supposed to fix all that, wasn't it?
 

OzGirl

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I had to stop 3 weeks before but they let me restart right away. Not sure if they would have if I'd have had full depth.


Having fixed the major defect seems to have pointed out to me all the other defects and issues. The surgery was supposed to fix all that, wasn't it?
Cascade effect Tonya! Once the major distraction is removed, the minor ones become more visible! My body dysphoria is probably stronger than my genital dysphoria was, but genital was the 'easiest' to tackle. My cascade hierarchy will be body, face, then breasts. I know it is different for everyone, but these are my remaining triggers.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Linde

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I am kind of glad that I am done with any surgeries after this Thursday. I have no body dysphoria, just some dysmorphia about my ears. I can cover my ears with my hair.

Hugs
Linde
 

TonyaJanelle

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Cascade effect Tonya! Once the major distraction is removed, the minor ones become more visible! My body dysphoria is probably stronger than my genital dysphoria was, but genital was the 'easiest' to tackle. My cascade hierarchy will be body, face, then breasts. I know it is different for everyone, but these are my remaining triggers.

Hugs,

Allie
Not only that but a (un)healthy dose of why the hell didn't I do this 30 years ago?
 

Monica

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I forgot, I could not have hormones 4 weeks before and 2 weeks after GCS or was it 6 before and 4 after. That too may have had a huge impact.

I was very happy I had GCS. It was a lifelong dream. I had no second thoughts and it was the best thing I did for myself.

I had no idea how bad my dysphoria was until I had GCS. I had no idea I could only empty a portion of my bladder when I urinated. ( I had an operation at age 12 because it took me so long to urinate).

I was worried I would be fired. My ex was divorcing me. I wondered if I could ever fit into a female role and accepted as a female. My GCS looked bad and I had 2 addition operations. I did not take opiates out of the hospital.
Rachel, of all the trans people I've ever met, you have the story best suited for writing a book. You are a living testament to overcoming incredibly difficult situations. I'm so happy you are still here and finding peace. You deserve it. Hugs!
 

pamelatransuk

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I have not been depressed after going to Hospital for anything and I am not expecting to be depressed in the immediate aftermath of GRS but am prepared just in case it should happen.

I am more inclined to think that after the euphoria of having had GRS including both the physical and mental aspects, my depression may come many months afterwards. My mind goes downhill and instead of stopping at the norm, I may inadvertently continue into depression but hopefully mild and temporary.

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

OzGirl

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I hadn’t read about post op euphoria, so when it happened it took me by surprise! Being not expected I know it was genuine, ie, I hadn’t talked myself into it! I guess mine started at the unveiling when I let go 65 years of frustration in tears and everything felt so right after that!

Great point @Pamela that depression could come months later. I will be aware!

Hugs,

Allie
 

Rachel

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I absolutely love my body. I love my breasts and vagina and hair and everything about being a woman. I am coloring my hair tomorrow and going to a party Friday. Actually 3 - three hour parties. I had covid and one vaccination shot. I think I will be fine.

I wish there was someone to show me the ropes. I wish I followed my desires and dreams earlier. Wishes do come true. I am following them now and living my fantasies. If I told you all what I am into I think it would be too much for even the liberal Trans Refuge. Lets just say when the LGBT dungeon / sex club closed to Covid I went to another house. It makes the other place look like a cloistered nunnery. I like guys a lot and they are awesome.

I have absolutely no depression now. I lived all my life depressed until I finally embraced who I am and my desires and acted on them. I am with like minded people. They are all CIS and black except me and one other.

This summer nude beach and hotel take over parties all weekend long. I got two more tattoos that represent the lifestyle I am in. I showed a few at work and guess what. The world did not end. I said I like doing this and this is what the tattoos represent.

There are reasons people are depressed. I think post GCS it was withdraw from hormones, stress from what was at work and stress with my family. I was on a strong SSRI and suicidal. Now, no SSRI and depression free and doing what I like to do. :)

Rachel
 

OzGirl

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A big factor is also "What Now". We spend years emotionally invested in changing gender and for many the operation is the pinnacle, but they have never thought of life after. Rachel has found her way to fill that void, and it will be different for all of us, for me it is just living a normal sedate life with love and respect from others. It is important for us to give some thought to what our lives will be like post op so we don't get a bit lost at the time.

For many of us who will never fully pass it means coming to terms with who we are and making the most of that life we were given, and not feeling we are in any way responsible for it. Hey, life sucks for lots of cis people, we can't all expect rainbows every day post op, so we need to deal with what it is.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Linde

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@Rachel, good for you that you found yourself and a way that makes you happy. And if you feel the urge, to write more about your adventures, you could do some of it in the private area of this forum, we are a little more liberal than in the open section.

I live fulltime as a female for several years now, and had my orchi a while ago, which means I am with my hormones on par with you (kind of). I was always rather liberal, and it does not bother me to be at a nude beach, but your lifestyle would be a little much for me. And the fact that I turned out to be as lesbian as they come, is not helpful either. I don't think that anything much will change for me after my surgery tomorrow, because, after the orchi, I see it more like decorative or something like this. But one never knows, and I may show up at your club and try to steal the guys away from you. :devilish:
I hope you will continue to have fun, many of us did not have good chances to have fun when we were yoounger, now is the time to harvest all the fun we like to enjoy!

Hugs
Linde
 

Monica

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First, good luck tomorrow, @Linde . I am loving your humor above, by the way.

I am really with Rachel as far as living the dream. I wonder sometimes, and this might be its own thread, are we a population that has been trained by life to be inhibited? We tamp down things for so long, hide for so long, are we just imprinted to be too reserved and inhibited? Yes, post op depression is a thing after surgery. I see Rachel losing her self restrictions and exploring her inhibitions. She is going for what she wants. I gotta say @Rachel , you are inspiring me to go for what I want. I think its a question we should all ask. Do we inhibit ourselves from what we want for good reasons, or are certain things done unnecessarily and preventing us grabbing for what makes us happy? I kind of think I have had a little of both going on.
 

Linde

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@Moni, you have a point with your opinion. However, I was never held back by my parents knowing that I am different, they supported me very much to do what makes me happy. Growing up/living in north western Europe did also not put to many restrictions for me to live a pretty free life. The only inhibitions for me were the rules of the society around me. I have not changed much between me living androgynously and living as a female, pre and post orchiectomy, and I don't see any large changes coming into realty after SRS tomorrow. I think my biggest inhibitor is my version of autism, but that will never change.
I found my happiness in taking Amber and her partner into my home, and living a comfortable family life with them, with me as the matron.

Yes, I would like to have a girlfriend, but I am still happy without one.

Hugs
LInde
 

Melanierose

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Yes wise words
You have to seize opportunities when they come. I was so luckily I completely stopped my previous life and started a new one with anthony. I decide more or less everything I do now so I live every moment. And it’s a joy. ( high and lows are enjoyed as it’s me that’s living it with full emotional involvement ) Today is the start of your life
 
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