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Donica

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Oh Allie! I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like this decision is final. Please know you have all of us for support. You are strong, talented, and intelligent. I'm sure you'll get through this somehow. Get some sleep hun. Let us know how we can help.

Love and hugs girl.
 

Confused

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I'm sorry Allie! This has been my biggest fear with my wife. Please try to get some sleep.

Hugs,
Mike
 

OzGirl

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Thank you all for your concern! I slept for 5 hours last night, which is not far from normal. I would be asleep still if the parrots were not having a turf war outside my window, and the magpies were not fornicating on my roof!

Our split up is not amid conflict and argument, and won’t happen until we can sell an investment property and she can buy her own house, so closer to mid year, but it’s the prospect of being lonely I need to deal with. I suspect my kids might visit more often, as while Mary made them welcome, it was not always comfortable. I have really missed having someone to cuddle and kiss, and to cook and clean for, so maybe this opens the way for a new relationship, if that is at all possible fo a 67 year old asexual trans woman who doesn’t socialize!

I have struggled at losing my former very happy life, and this just makes it harder. Will I ever be happy again?

Hugs,

Allie
 

CrackDown29

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I really am the furthest person from having perspective or shared experience on a situation like this, but I'm really sorry and I hope things start looking up for you. Take care of yourself.
 

Randi

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I just caught up with your thread, and Allie, I am so, so sorry. It does not seem surprising to me, given the state of affairs between the two of you, but terrible nonetheless. Being trans is just a sledgehammer blow to so many relationships. I wish had magic words that could make things better for you but magic is hard to come by. I will offer some observations and I hope I'm not out of line with some of them. If I am, I apologize in advance.
  • You have a heart of gold. I think Mary has treated you terribly, even given the difficulties a trans partner presents. You have and do deserve better. She sounds transphobic to me. I too am trying to somehow keep a relationship going with a transphobe, and will testify that in many, many ways it sucks, and you may well find living alone a vast improvement, at least in some ways.
  • The world is quite a large place. If you want a new relationship, there are opportunities out there. And if that happens, now that you are out, it will be with a partner that loves you for who and what you are. That could be really quite sweet for you.
  • What happens between Mary and you should not impact your relationships with the rest of your family. They will continue to love you.
  • There will be a financial hit, no doubt. But you seem a very sober and responsible woman, the type who can manage a budget well.

I know none of that helps much with the pain you're feeling, but you will get through it. People have a way of being as strong as they need to be.

I hate this for you. I do have to say I seem to be becoming more radicalized in my old age. I am really wearying of the way trans people get treated by so many of the cis. I'll say it again. You deserve better, and I hope you find it.

Much love going out to you dear.
 

Donica

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Thank you all for your concern! I slept for 5 hours last night, which is not far from normal. I would be asleep still if the parrots were not having a turf war outside my window, and the magpies were not fornicating on my roof!

Our split up is not amid conflict and argument, and won’t happen until we can sell an investment property and she can buy her own house, so closer to mid year, but it’s the prospect of being lonely I need to deal with. I suspect my kids might visit more often, as while Mary made them welcome, it was not always comfortable. I have really missed having someone to cuddle and kiss, and to cook and clean for, so maybe this opens the way for a new relationship, if that is at all possible fo a 67 year old asexual trans woman who doesn’t socialize!

I have struggled at losing my former very happy life, and this just makes it harder. Will I ever be happy again?

Hugs,

Allie
Allie, this can be a great opportunity for you to reach out to other trans communities in your area. I must say, I've never had so much fun reaching out to others before.

Hugs!
 

Linde

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Thank you all for your concern! I slept f Will I ever be happy again?

Hugs,

Allie
Yes, you will. I t took me several years. But during these years I had a chance to develope into the happy woman I am these days.

You will develope your new way of happiness, too


Hugs
Linde
 

Christina

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Time I started my own Blog! My early history can be read in my introduction post https://www.transrefuge.org/index.php/topic,70.msg483.html#msg483 but this blog is to keep up with current happenings. While my transition seems to be plodding along, to some it seems to be progressing quite well. I have feminised in the past 10 months of HRT, but not fast enough for me! I lost 55 pounds but since Xmas I have put on 12 pounds, so back on the diet! My breasts have developed to B cup and that, plus my long hair, has led to lots of misgendering while presenting in male mode. So it seems my timing for going full time in April is right. It is almost easier for me to present as female at this point, though I am nowhere near passable. I am also well into organising my GRS, having a surgeon consult in May and working with a psychologist and psychiatrist to get my letters of approval, and have the procedure pencilled in for January 2021.

I am so lucky with acceptance and support from family, friends and work colleagues, and I seem to be able to present as female in public without negative reactions. So my big challenge is keeping my wife. We are soul mates and compliment each other. She cannot accept being married to a woman, so, after a lot of emotional discussions, we decided to divorce, but continue living together as best friends. Her attitude changed significantly after that decision, and all our forms have been processed and we have a court date in April. She was still uncomfortable at the thought of being with me in public, so I started inviting friends to visit us at our house. This broke the ice for her as she realised people could be comfortable around me and have an enjoyable time.

The next step for her was to be with me in public. We have been on holiday in another state for the past 10 days, and the first half of the holiday I presented as a male. Our focus on this holiday was to go out on a whale watch cruise to film Orcas hunting squid. We were at the stern of the vessel on the way out to sea, and a crew person approached us to tell us about the facilities on the boat, and addressed us as 'Ladies', though I was wearing male jeans and hoodie. The cruise was excellent, and we saw plenty of Orcas, plus sunfish and lots of seabirds.

The second half of our time away was my turn to present as female. She was very nervous as we visited tourist locations and went to cafes and shops, but soon she realised everybody was treating us nicely, and nobody seemed to even look twice at me. She had booked us into an AirBnB which advertised it was trans friendly, so we were welcomed there. The next day was more of the same and by the end of the day she admitted feeling quite comfortable with me. We went to stay with my brother and his family, and I was warmly welcomed by all, and quickly everything seemed so normal. They had organised to take us to a tourist island for a day of exploring on bicycles. We were on an early ferry which was quite full and spent the day riding around the islands spectacular beaches and other features. My wife focus was to get pictures of Quokkas, a cute little marsupial animal like a miniature kangaroo. We had lunch at a restaurant and continued exploring on our bikes. I asked her how she was feeling being with me out in public, and she said she had forgotten how I was dressed until I mentioned it. She said she was completely comfortable, but it wouldn't be the same when we got home.

Next challenge is to make her feel comfortable wit me at home. I have only 8 weeks before I go full time so I need to ease her into getting used to being with Allie among people we know.

Pics from our day touring Rottnest Island and touring the south west coast.

Allie





Wonderful, how wonderful you are, beautiful travel
 

OzGirl

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Thank you Randi! You are part of the ‘keep our wives group’ we had going at Susans, and know the effort, emotions, compromise, and even inhuman treatment we all endure to keep our loved ones with us. I put so much into this, and had periods where I thought it might work. It was so important to me that I had literally put my life on the line, and it has all been wasted. The frustrating part is I still don’t fully understand why.

I know I will survive this, but it forces me to live the life that was in my nightmares which prevented me from transitioning for many decades. It may led to a better life, and I intend giving that every chance by getting out a lot more, but I know it isn’t likely at my age. I also hate the uncertainty of my immediate future, but, like so many other things in recent years, it’s out of my control.

I wish you every success with your relationship, as you have done it even harder than me, and deserve much more!

Hugs,

Allie
 
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Tallulah

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Allie I don't want to draw away from the chat topic but your comment to Randi drew my attention here. I'm so sorry to hear about Mary's decision. I know this is a very difficult time but you are so lovely I just know you have a wonderful person in your future who will be so lucky to have your company.
 

OzGirl

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I had a crappy few days. My brother and sister in law came to visist for a couple of days last weekend, which on the face of it was very nice. They, and my ex, deadnamed me for 2 days, despite me showing them my birth certificate and asking them to use my legal name. They said old habits were hard to break. Then Mary decided it would be good to play jokes on me which made me look foolish. As the 3 of them laughed at me, I relived a nightmare I'd had for many years where everybody laughed at me because I was a fool. It ruined my weekend and sent me into depression.

Yesterday I was in a hurry to get ready to see my doctor. I went to my doctor to discuss my ongoing hormone treatment. He happens to be a gynecologist, and I knew he would be keen to see my new bits. We reviewed blood tests and decided to try stick to the E levels I am currently on, but to switch from gels and pills to a pellet. I had done lots on homework and had decided I wanted the highest pellet size (100mg) and my doc agreed and wrote a script. then he got me up on the examination table and had a good look at my surgery area, declaring it to be way better in construction and healing than he was expecting. To add to this, he had a med student in tow! I gave permission for her to also view the surgery area, figuring it was a rare opportunity and great learning experience for both of them! I have my pellet implanted on the 25th of this month.

I felt good after this, so went to a boat shop to buy outboard oil, then to K Mart, a supermarket, stopped for a bite to eat at a sushi bar, then home to order my pellet online, then a quick trip to the post office to send the prescription. Mary got home and noticed something hanging out of the bottom of my pants. It was a used pad. In my rush in the morning it must have fallen into my pants and I didn't notice when putting them on. At some point in the day it has fallen to poke out of my pants cuff, and this is likely when I got dressed at the doctors, so I may have spent the next 2 hours out in public with it showing. I almost died with embarrassment.

Yes, a million to one chance but it happened to me....

Hugs

Allie
 

Linde

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I really feel with you Allie, but at least you seem to have a good looking Vulva. What can woman want more?
I bought special mesh type of panties, to keep my pads tamed and in place.

Hugs
Linde
 

Lexxi

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Allie I'm so sorry for your troubles of late. Try to look on the bright side though....you have an apparently well healing, good looking vulva. Try to cling onto that.

As for the pad I'm quite certain no one knew what it was. They more than likely just thought it was a dryer sheet. Speaking of which I went to the gym last month and did my workout. I had a dryer sheet hanging out of the back of my pants. And I'm not talking about out of the leg. It was stuck in the back of my waistband and it was one of the extra large ones.

Even though I was super embarrassed I found a way to laugh about it. I mean that was about the only thing I could do. And now I'm sitting here telling you all about it, hoping it will make you feel a little better. So see it ended up being a positive in the end.

Just keep your head up sister...everything will work out in the end. :)
 

Tallulah

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I had a crappy few days. My brother and sister in law came to visist for a couple of days last weekend, which on the face of it was very nice. They, and my ex, deadnamed me for 2 days, despite me showing them my birth certificate and asking them to use my legal name. They said old habits were hard to break. Then Mary decided it would be good to play jokes on me which made me look foolish. As the 3 of them laughed at me, I relived a nightmare I'd had for many years where everybody laughed at me because I was a fool. It ruined my weekend and sent me into depression.

Yesterday I was in a hurry to get ready to see my doctor. I went to my doctor to discuss my ongoing hormone treatment. He happens to be a gynecologist, and I knew he would be keen to see my new bits. We reviewed blood tests and decided to try stick to the E levels I am currently on, but to switch from gels and pills to a pellet. I had done lots on homework and had decided I wanted the highest pellet size (100mg) and my doc agreed and wrote a script. then he got me up on the examination table and had a good look at my surgery area, declaring it to be way better in construction and healing than he was expecting. To add to this, he had a med student in tow! I gave permission for her to also view the surgery area, figuring it was a rare opportunity and great learning experience for both of them! I have my pellet implanted on the 25th of this month.

I felt good after this, so went to a boat shop to buy outboard oil, then to K Mart, a supermarket, stopped for a bite to eat at a sushi bar, then home to order my pellet online, then a quick trip to the post office to send the prescription. Mary got home and noticed something hanging out of the bottom of my pants. It was a used pad. In my rush in the morning it must have fallen into my pants and I didn't notice when putting them on. At some point in the day it has fallen to poke out of my pants cuff, and this is likely when I got dressed at the doctors, so I may have spent the next 2 hours out in public with it showing. I almost died with embarrassment.

Yes, a million to one chance but it happened to me....

Hugs

Allie
Do you have a plan for not living in the same house as Mary? I know there is a financial stress component there.
 

OzGirl

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Do you have a plan for not living in the same house as Mary? I know there is a financial stress component there.
Tallulah, I don't even know if I can afford to stay here yet, so at this stage I can't make plans. Once I know what I am doing there may be a puppy in my plans. I am a bit of a compulsive planner, so not knowing what lies ahead makes me very uncomfortable.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Kenna

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Hi Allie, I suspect that slip ups like that are not really uncommon for women. The most common one I see is skirts tucked into undies after leaving the bathroom, I've also seen period spotting multiple times and pads noticeable through close fitting clothing a couple of times. While it's acutely embarrassing and difficult now, I suspect that eventually it might become a source of amusement. On the other hand dead naming is really hard and hurtful. It also sounds as though Mary was pretty insensitive, for which there's no good excuse for someone who should know you really well.
Hugs!
-Kenna
 

Kenna

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They more than likely just thought it was a dryer sheet.
It must be another one of those Australia/US language differences, but what is a dryer sheet?
-Kenna
 

Lexxi

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It's an anti-static sheet you throw in your dryer. It's supposed to keep your clothes from having static cling. The kind I have are extra large and are supposed to keep dog hair from sticking to your clothes too. I have no idea if any of that works...but I throw one in every load. They smell pretty good too.
 

Linde

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The most common one I see is skirts tucked into undies after leaving the bathroom,
Hugs!
-Kenna
I am a well accomplished expert in this, just happened again today!

Hugs
Linde
 

Randi

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Hi Allie. Just catching up on your thread. So sorry to hear of your weekend. That was horrible and callous behavior by people who should know better. I agree with Tallulah that you should be thinking about moving out as soon as you can. I can appreciate how terribly hard it is, but you really deserve better. Much love to you Allie. ♥️♥️
 
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