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OzGirl

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Time I started my own Blog! My early history can be read in my introduction post https://www.transrefuge.org/index.php/topic,70.msg483.html#msg483 but this blog is to keep up with current happenings. While my transition seems to be plodding along, to some it seems to be progressing quite well. I have feminised in the past 10 months of HRT, but not fast enough for me! I lost 55 pounds but since Xmas I have put on 12 pounds, so back on the diet! My breasts have developed to B cup and that, plus my long hair, has led to lots of misgendering while presenting in male mode. So it seems my timing for going full time in April is right. It is almost easier for me to present as female at this point, though I am nowhere near passable. I am also well into organising my GRS, having a surgeon consult in May and working with a psychologist and psychiatrist to get my letters of approval, and have the procedure pencilled in for January 2021.

I am so lucky with acceptance and support from family, friends and work colleagues, and I seem to be able to present as female in public without negative reactions. So my big challenge is keeping my wife. We are soul mates and compliment each other. She cannot accept being married to a woman, so, after a lot of emotional discussions, we decided to divorce, but continue living together as best friends. Her attitude changed significantly after that decision, and all our forms have been processed and we have a court date in April. She was still uncomfortable at the thought of being with me in public, so I started inviting friends to visit us at our house. This broke the ice for her as she realised people could be comfortable around me and have an enjoyable time.

The next step for her was to be with me in public. We have been on holiday in another state for the past 10 days, and the first half of the holiday I presented as a male. Our focus on this holiday was to go out on a whale watch cruise to film Orcas hunting squid. We were at the stern of the vessel on the way out to sea, and a crew person approached us to tell us about the facilities on the boat, and addressed us as 'Ladies', though I was wearing male jeans and hoodie. The cruise was excellent, and we saw plenty of Orcas, plus sunfish and lots of seabirds.

The second half of our time away was my turn to present as female. She was very nervous as we visited tourist locations and went to cafes and shops, but soon she realised everybody was treating us nicely, and nobody seemed to even look twice at me. She had booked us into an AirBnB which advertised it was trans friendly, so we were welcomed there. The next day was more of the same and by the end of the day she admitted feeling quite comfortable with me. We went to stay with my brother and his family, and I was warmly welcomed by all, and quickly everything seemed so normal. They had organised to take us to a tourist island for a day of exploring on bicycles. We were on an early ferry which was quite full and spent the day riding around the islands spectacular beaches and other features. My wife focus was to get pictures of Quokkas, a cute little marsupial animal like a miniature kangaroo. We had lunch at a restaurant and continued exploring on our bikes. I asked her how she was feeling being with me out in public, and she said she had forgotten how I was dressed until I mentioned it. She said she was completely comfortable, but it wouldn't be the same when we got home.

Next challenge is to make her feel comfortable wit me at home. I have only 8 weeks before I go full time so I need to ease her into getting used to being with Allie among people we know.

Pics from our day touring Rottnest Island and touring the south west coast.

Allie









 

Katie

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Very cool. I'm glad it turned out so well!
 

OzGirl

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Good and bad day today. The Good was I had my first session with my Psychiatrist for my GRS letter today and it went very well. Because I live in a small country town, we were able to do it as a Skype session, and he indicated there would be no problem getting my letter after the next session later this year.

The Bad, he said the psychologist I have been working with for the past year is not a clinical psychologist and not qualified to write my other letter, so now I have to find another psychologist....


A plus though is that I did my grocery shopping as Allie today and it was all so boringly normal. I wasn't even really conscious of how I was presenting so there was no excitement at all, I was just worried about not forgetting anything. And this is what I want, just a boring simple shopping trip with everyone accepting me for who I am.

Allie
 

OzGirl

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I have been Allie for the past three weeks, and this last weekend my daughter and grandkids came to visit. They had never met Allie, so my daughter was a bit concerned on her way down. They've had 5 months to get used to the idea, but I suppose it is hard to finally see your Dad as a woman. She got out of her car and said I look really great, not OTT at all! I can only imagine what she was imagining! We quickly settled down to normal and my grandkids didn't notice any difference. The next day we took the kids to  play centre and then toy shopping at a mall. My daughter remarked how comfortable she was.

My wife didn't come with us and suggested I was maybe pushing my daughter a bit hard on the first time she saw her Dad as a woman, and that I should present as male when we all went to a Hot Rod show with her the next day. It was hard to put on these now foreign male clothes, but I thought it would be ok. An hour later I was having trouble with a sticking key on my key board and I cracked it and punched to keyboard (it actually fixed the sticking key). I haven't lost my temper like that for over a year and I was so disappointed with myself. We went to the show and my daughter asked me why I was in male clothes. I told her I didn't want to push her too hard , and she said she was comfortable with Allie and wanted me to be comfortable.

After my daughter went home I started filling in my application for a name change on my birth certificate, and my wife asked me to delay submitting it as it could interfere with our divorce proceedings. I reminded her we specifically asked our lawyer about this and she said it would be ok, but now my wife didn't believe her. My wife wanted me to hold off until after our divorce court date on April 2, but it takes a month to process the birth certificate and a month to change all the other things I need to meet my deadline of March 31 for my employer, as my official transition at work is April 14. We have been working at this since October, so there is no surprise. My wife claimed everyone else was more important than her when I argued that my boss, her manager, my HR manage and the gender inclusion team had all been working on my transition date. I pointed out that waiting til April to submit would push my transition at work back until June, and they had already held staff training days for over 60 people based on my April date. She argued that our divorce date was important to her, and did not want to risk it. I told her my formal transition to full time was just as important to me. We came to a compromise to wait a couple of days while we got confirmation from the divorce court that it would not alter the court date. Hopefully we will get an answer tomorrow. If we don't I think I will submit Wednesday regardless.

Given that she knew I had these plans for months, and spent last week getting all my required documents together, I feel her request at the last minute was terribly unfair.

Thanks for putting up with my rant!

Allie   
 

OzGirl

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My Birth Certificate came in 3 weeks early! Wow, I am an official person! As I always do, I let my soon to be ex wife know as soon as I was able. No response. I told my work colleagues and gave my boss a copy, then told my children. They all congratulated me, and I felt good, but knew I was going home to a different response.

I asked her how she felt about my BC arriving, and she said she read my message while she was in a crowded staffroom, and that was the only reason she she held back bursting into tears. I apologised for putting her through this. Later that evening I went to her in tears and reminded her I put off transitioning for most of my life so I wouldn’t cause her this pain, she hugged me and said she understood that, but it still hurt. We went ot or beds, and I lay there thinking. I have supported her as much as humanly possible while I have faced the most traumatic period of my life alone. Sure, she has hugged me when I’ve broken down badly, many times, but never really supported my transition.

I have dreamed of seeing my corrected BC all my life, never really believing that it would happen, and now here it is in my hands. This should be one of the happiest days of my transition, a real milestone, but I was in tears apologising for it. I went to sleep feeling robbed.

So I made the most of the next day, getting my bank accounts changed, my Tax files, and my Medicare Card. Looking at all these important things with MY name on them really makes me feel finally real! I’m not just a name in a forum any more, Allie is out in the real world! I have my drivers Licence name and gender marker booked in for next Tuesday morning and then I will systematically go through everything else with my dead name on it. I still have to apply to have my gender changed on my BC, and that can’t happen until a new law comes into practice on May 1st, but I will be one of the first applications in!

It has been a big couple of days!

Allie
 

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Hi Allie girl,

I am beyond thrilled for you!!! If possible don't let your wife's reaction bring you down. You deserve to be the happiest happy person in all of Australia. You've finally reached a HUGE milestone and no one can ever take that away from you.

So you keep a huge smile on your face for the foreseeable future and don't let anyone take it away.  ;)

Love,

Lexxi
 

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Congratulations on being officially Allie. 



I feel for your situation with you wife.  Mine isn't thrilled either.  I asked her if she wanted to come along to my hearing in court she said "what would I want to do that for".


Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

 

OzGirl

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Thanks again Lexxi and Tonya! You are why I come here. At least my kids and work colleagues are behind me, and my true friends. I have smiled as I checked my bank accounts, and put my interim Medicare card in my purse. It is so amazing to see your real name on official documents!!

A regular teacher from a catholic college was in today and I saw confusion on his face when one of our staff kept calling me Allie. I pulled him aside and explained that I was transitioning, and gave him an explanation sheet we had pre prepared for just this sort of occasion. He congratulated me on having the courage to continue working while I transitioned and pledged his support. I feel so lucky living in this amazingly accepting and supportive environment.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Monica

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Hi Allie,
  I'm slowly working through members blogs, playing catch up. I loved reading about the positive from your kids and empathized with how your ex made you feel. Soon, so much that is new now will become the new normal for everyone. I remember talking to you on the other site. You have come so far. I'm proud of you. You deserve to be true to yourself and to be happy. Anyway, thought I would stop by and say hello.
Hugs,
Moni
 

OzGirl

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Moni said:
Hi Allie,
  I'm slowly working through members blogs, playing catch up. I loved reading about the positive from your kids and empathized with how your ex made you feel. Soon, so much that is new now will become the new normal for everyone. I remember talking to you on the other site. You have come so far. I'm proud of you. You deserve to be true to yourself and to be happy. Anyway, thought I would stop by and say hello.
Hugs,
Moni

Moni, your comments mean so much to me, and you are right about the new normal. My new drivers license came today and I am actually happy with the photo. It now completes all the other cards in my purse with my name on them, so to not present as female now would be misleading wouldn't it? My employer emailed me yesterday saying all my employment records have been changed as well as the employee directory to show my new name (which is a bit funny as I don't have a phone in my office, so no extension number to reach me on!) and they asked if I could start presenting as female at work right now. I told them we had a plan which all my colleagues have been working to so I would stick to that. I am me all the time everywhere else, and that is starting to feel normal.

This coming Sunday is my 66th birthday, and our 20th wedding anniversary, so I booked a luncheon for my immediate family. My brothers are spread all over the country, but they are all coming, plus my children and grandsons. I've told them all it will be the last time they see me presenting as a male. As my brothers and I are going into our 70's, such gatherings are precious, as you never know what might happen. None of my family know we have filed for divorce and it will be finalised in a month, so no more anniversaries. My new normal is upon me, but it remains to be seen if my soon to be ex can accept it. I have no idea.

Hugs,

Allie

Happy with my new licences photo!
 

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I like it!
I think us trans women seem to look pretty Ok on the typically bd DR/ID pictures.

The Lady at the DMV who took my picture was of the opinion that I look way better as a female than I did as a male!

 

OzGirl

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Linde, your pic looks great as well! Maybe I was prejudiced but I never liked my male pics.

Allie
 

Monica

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Nice pics, both of you. Bet you were tempted to make that full time leap now, Allie.
 

OzGirl

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Moni said:
Nice pics, both of you. Bet you were tempted to make that full time leap now, Allie.

Thanks Moni, but I am full time everywhere but work, where our uniform is unisex and everyone calls me Allie anyway. Not much will change when I do go full time, but I do want to get my ears pierced and hair coloured before I start in a few weeks.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Monica

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Cool, what color?
 

OzGirl

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Moni said:
Cool, what color?

Blond with brown highlights! It should look much like my license photo.

Hugs,

Allie
 

OzGirl

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My soon to be ex wife gave me the best Birthday present possible!!

A very Happy Allie!!!







 

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I hope it will work out with you and you stay friends for good!
My marriage exploded about 16 or so years ago, and it was very devastating for both of us.  Words were said that hurt and made it hard to be getting friendly with each other.  We separated but did not get divorced yet, the divorce came 4 years alter.  Luckily, by that time we were able to handle each other in a very civilized manner, and our divorce was more or less a business deal that did not requires a judge.  A little we communicated routinely with each other in a friendly manner, and these days we are pretty good friends with each other, but we now live close to 1700 miles apart.

I hope that you don't have to go through such a mess, and can stay on good terms with her, and you can stay close to each other.
Have you ever thought about how you would react if she would find another man she likes?

My ex has a guy, who I also know from days past, and I like the guy, and hope that my ex will be happy with him, cause I can't give her what she needs and wants.  She told me that she never could have continued a marriage with me, because she does not want to be in a lesbian relation.
 

OzGirl

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Linde said:
.
I hope that you don't have to go through such a mess, and can stay on good terms with her, and you can stay close to each other.
Have you ever thought about how you would react if she would find another man she likes?

Linde, I love Mary unconditionally, and if it means she has a man in her life to make her happy I would support it. She is 10 years younger than me and has some libido, so I know it is possible, but she can be hard to live with, and she knows we are the best match for our happiness. Of course I would feel sad if she left me for a man, but I haven't been able to fulfil that role for decades and have always felt bad about that. Our divorce was a mutual application and will be finalised in a month, but at this stage she is indicating we will continue living together as best friends, and that's all I can ask for.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Monica

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I relate pretty well to your living arrangement Allie. When we talk about our partners moving on with someone else, it is easy  when it is theory. If it happens in reality, I imagine it to be very hard. That was a great card. Happy Birthday to you!
 
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