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Katie

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@Donna ”he” (your old identity) did leave. So, you are only telling a partial truth rather than a whole lie. Don’t know if that changes anything, but it is a different way to look at it.
 

Donna

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Donna, like a number of others in this thread have stated, I don't offer that information, but depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't deny it either, unless it would be harmful to my well-being. My take on this issue is, we've been hiding and living in fear for so many years that when we finally come out, it is a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. Not having to hide our identities any longer is a huge release of the anxiety we all lived with. Going completely stealth seems to be detrimental to our mental and physical health, putting us right back in a similar closet. Not offering our trans status up front is essentially a form of stealth, but without the stress of continued hiding. All the years trapped in that closet was so devastating to me that I could never see myself going back into hiding. But that's just me. You have your reasons and needs, and it is ultimately your decision.
Donica, I mainly want to have new lady friends and I'm afraid that if they knew, that would be a big turn off to them. That is not so with the lady friends that knew me before, and I think a few like me more now than they did before.

The new ones probably would be insulted by the deception but who knows, maybe not.

If I became really good friends with someone I would have to tell them the truth.

This is all new territory for me.

Donna
 

Confused

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Donica, I mainly want to have new lady friends and I'm afraid that if they knew, that would be a big turn off to them. That is not so with the lady friends that knew me before, and I think a few like me more now than they did before.

The new ones probably would be insulted by the deception but who knows, maybe not.

If I became really good friends with someone I would have to tell them the truth.

This is all new territory for me.

Donna

Donna,

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I think you have to judge each individual situation and what the reactions would be and how does it help you or help them.

Hugs,
Mike
 

Donna

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@Donna ”he” (your old identity) did leave. So, you are only telling a partial truth rather than a whole lie. Don’t know if that changes anything, but it is a different way to look at it.
Katie that's a great play on words.

Donna
 

Donna

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Donna,

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I think you have to judge each individual situation and what the reactions would be and how does it help you or help them.

Hugs,
Mike
Yes somehow I am muddling through this transition and everything is going really good. Better than I ever expected.

Donna
I have a less popular view and it is somewhat opinionated. I firmly believe in being out. There is nothing to be ashamed about who we are and I am proud that I have the courage to openly live it.

The only way we will become accepted is if other people get comfortable with us and realize we are people of value too.

Obviously my view is not right for everyone but for me the more of us 'out' in the world the sooner the world will change.
Kim there is a lot of validity to what you say but it is very hard to volunteer the truth when I am being so well accepted as a woman. I love the fact that they think I am a woman, not a transwoman, it's quite an ego boost and makes me think that my transition is justified and that I have been right all of my life that I should be a woman.

Donna
 

Donna

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Donna, having lived the lie so long, it hate it. I'm so weary of lying. I now have to lie about my sexual orientation. It's driving me crazy. I do so because of my kids. Let's face it, how do you tell your grown kids anything related to their parents sexuality? My old job is something that would raise eyebrows too. How many female auto techs are out there. I agree with Kim generally, it is a highly personal choice. We can be an advocate for being trans. There is also nothing wrong with keeping any personal information personal. Something to think about. People may have a very different reaction to hiding your true self and then finding out, to say, starting a new narrative of your earlier life and finding out it is different then the historical record. This the reason many disclose their past before intimate relations with someone else. Very sadly and pathetically, in some states it is still a legal defense for murder, "I didn't know they were trans." Well, extreme example, but one of consequences for not being open. Know you are not there. Let's face it, being trans isn't simple.
Moni, maybe down the road I will be able to tell people the truth, as I get a better feel for this whole situation, but I am not ready for that yet. Maybe hiding the truth will get to me as it has others here.

Donna
 
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