Welcome!

By registering with us, you'll be able to discuss, share and private message with other members of our community.

SignUp Now!

Nicole’s neurotic Notebook

Just Simone

Active member
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
25
Gender Pronouns
They, Them, Theirs, Themself
Gender Identity
Nonbinary
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!
(
who’s in America .............and actually cares......... for the ones who are not in America ........cheers!!!
.........raise a toast .......have some fun ....I don’t know ..View attachment 1219..eat something you like........)
View attachment 1220
Hugs
Nicole
Ha ha! Have a great day America. 🎉
 

NicoleT

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,075
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
The day after the purge.....what a mess. Tough night too. I had to go out and find my youngest sleeping in a park last night.( She was in my car, but still....it’s a dangerous park) I got her to come home and go to bed. We had a long heart to heart. Which did help. My oldest is Bi polar and said something offensive. When she was called out on it, she became aggressive ( as usual) my youngest stormed off ( as usual). One likes to beat an argument into the ground, the other wants to avoid it till cooler heads prevail. Thus the fight and leave me alone, I’m out of here fun family drama at my house.

Our situation is definitely a unique one. My youngest and are all that’s left living in the house. Sure we get to go through Covid like everyone else, except both of us on the front lines of our jobs. We also get to deal with the everyday pain of missing her Mother. (Very hard on the holidays. ) Losing Jennifers calming voice, her hug when needed, her advice to get through the storms of life, it all hurts. Crazy part is, that isn’t what makes us unique.

Both my youngest and I are Transgender. Discovered at different times, with no knowledge of the others issues. ( you can throw out all the psychologist garbage and stereotypes here.....) We were both born with this condition. Before I could let her know that I had started this process in the background, she had come to me and my wife to let us know what she had discovered about herself. Now here we are. Both male to female but quite different in many ways. Obviously we’re 27 years apart ( culturally the way we dress and present ourselves is going to be quite different)

I’m also ahead of her, getting closer and closer to presenting as myself permanently in all phases of my life. I live my truth everywhere outside of work. (Ending very soon) She just started hormones two months ago and is just scratching the surface of presenting as herself. She’s also very self-conscious of her looks, as she is over 6 foot, hair growing, but not quite long enough. Not a huge fan of wearing make up everyday. Passing is not easy yet. Presenting with a male voice also gives her a challenge, but she still is feeling the need to live as herself in the world. Terrified of the judgement she will encounter along the way.

I feel like the speed of transition that I am going through, is putting too much pressure on her. I know she’s not ready both physically and mentally to handle that transition at work or in public. She feels the same, but at the same time yearns to be authentic as we all do.

So as you can see, I’m not only going through this myself, but also living this. I get to be the worried, supporting parent, and ally but also see it from a Cis gender point of view with changing names, pronouns and such. Literally living from both sides at times. Good part is helping with things I’ve learned that can benefit both of us.
I could write a book...(maybe have @Kenna & @KimOct help with spelling and grammar ) 1606516421803.png
Anyway another fun day with family trying to get over this damn sinus infection( hey @Moni , more children’s cold and flu please....lol)

Hugs
Nicole
 

Kenna

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
806
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Sounds like a tough day Nicole! Was that all on Thanksgiving? That'd make it even harder! I hope things have settled down.
Hugs,
-Kenna
 

Donica

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
1,147
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
@NicoleT, I'm glad you were able to diffuse the situation and get your daughter home safe. Good Lord that was dangerous, your daughter sleeping in that park. I would have totally freaked.
 

OzGirl

Global Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
2,176
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Family events are usually quite emotional, and particularly after a year like you all have been going through. Sometime a blow up can be cathartic, but other times it can leave scars, I hope you can all get together and hug for Christmas. How do I pre order that book?

Hugs,

Allie
 

TonyaJanelle

Ubiquitous Moderator she/her/hers
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
1,950
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Holy 💩, @NicoleT , what you got going on down there?

Freak out at, on, with us if you need. That is a lot to handle.
 

NicoleT

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,075
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Do you hear that................(...*silence*....)........It’s so quiet suddenly. There’s a part of me that enjoys the peace. There’s no bickering none of the two dogs running up and down my hallways barking that they brought. No loud music or the TV blaring. My oldest daughter and family took off for home my youngest is at work until eight or 9 o’clock. Just very quiet here. For most that would be serene. .... so why can’t I enjoy this.

I just seem to be very emotional today. The last few days have really brought to light what Im missing. I think of her all the time. Not having her here to go on and on about Christmas as she always did, laughing over the goofy stuff she used to say, that giggle we all got remembering last year at clean up. My wife used our garbage disposal for a lot more than just small leftovers on a plate. I swear she thought the think could shred up anything. I think she actually tried to put entire cake down there one year....Lol...

I laugh about it now and smile about the joy she brought me. Unfortunately when everyone goes home.... it just makes the memories hurt, the empty space seem lonely and the sound of silence .......deafening.

I feel for everyone who’s missing someone close this year. There are no words to describe losing your soulmate and best friend. You just hope to survive another day.
 

OzGirl

Global Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
2,176
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
I’m feeling it with you Nicole! I’ve lost my soulmate even though she is still here physically. I have unbelievably good memories, but we won’t make any more. My life now is my kids, and the gaps in between are hollow, but at least busy. It sucks, but I have a baby shower this time next week, and I need to think about a present and outfit, and my friends who will carry me through. Can’t wait to see you again.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Kenna

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
806
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Yes, quiet takes quite a bit of getting used to. I had the "advantage" of making a choice to embark upon a single life by leaving someone I needed to, but I can only try to imagine what it must be like to have it imposed on you so suddenly without warning and to lose your love.
HUGS!
-Kenna
 

NicoleT

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,075
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Back to work again tomorrow.......This could be the final month of my former self. Lie modes last stand is here.
Almost impossible to believe after all these years I will live as myself. Lots of work ahead but if I can just bear down and get through this, another world awaits.

Now if I can just figure out how to use a curling iron without burning myself...1606710689301.png


Anyway
Hugs
Nicole
 

TonyaJanelle

Ubiquitous Moderator she/her/hers
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
1,950
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female

NicoleT

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,075
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
First of all @TonyaJanelle ....that curling iron.....I am obsessed. 1606976834819.pngI just hate the price tag....

It’s been a few days, very busy this week. So after almost 3 weeks of trying to get my fingerprints done (so I can officially get my name changed) . I finally think I found a place willing to do it for me tomorrow. I have scheduled, then rescheduled, been blown off, no showed, then told they’re not doing it, had police stations even say they’re not doing it ......all over Covid. Driving me crazy. Things finally work out for me tomorrow, I should be able to turn in the final piece of my paperwork to the court. Of course there’s no guarantee that the court will be in session for civil matters due to Covid. This thing could drag out a lot longer than I was hoping. All I can do is wait and see.

Maybe it’s for the best, since my surgery I have been really struggling with my weight. My dieting has gone from excess water weight, to just not doing well, to failing all together, to getting a sinus infection, stopping my walks into Thanksgiving, then literally just throwing in the towel. My calorie counts lately has looked more like the numbers on a pinball machine. ( wait I may have just dated myself, 1606976704505.png. yes I used to play pinball)

In order for me to be successful I have to get this under control. Forget the fact that I wanna try to look good, forget the fact that it’s a health thing for me, I need to do this for my own confidence. I’m determined to get some willpower back together tomorrow and right the ship.

Also this week....I’m hosting Saturday Night Zoom...1606977025966.png.....Link will be set up by Friday morning at the latest.

Hugs
Nicole
 

Kenna

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
806
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
All the best with getting things under control! - Inducing the finger prints & court!
-Kenna
 

Lexxi

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
833
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
Hey that's great Nicole!! Congratulations!!

I have my official name change court date next Thursday morning. I got a notice yesterday that there won't be any in person court allowed, it will all be done over Zoom. I have the Zoom invitation all warmed up and ready to go too.

The only bad thing about it is that I bought a whole new outfit for my court date that the judge won't really be able to see. Oh well...as long as he approves and signs my paperwork I don't really care. If all goes well this time next week I will legally be Alexis Danielle. In a little celebration I even ordered personalized license plate with Lexxi on them. By the time they get here I should be officially named that...I hope. Fingers crossed.

Again congrats on the fingerprints!! How long will it be before you become official?
 

NicoleT

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,075
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
@Lexxi ..... graduations girl!!!...... I can’t wait to see your new license plates that’s cool. I’m so happy for your success.

My accomplishments grew even further today..... not only did I get the fingerprints done (finally, damn Covid)
I also got it notarized and showed up at the courthouse. I have paid the fees, signed the paperwork, and have officially set up with the court for my name change and for me to officially be 100% transitioned full-time.
1607060046954.png
The state of Texas runs a little bit slow but they’re also doing zoom meetings in court now, I have to call the court clerk to officially set up what date I get to go to the zoom meeting room and which room I go to.
Now this could take anywhere from the next two weeks to the next eight weeks. I may find out something tomorrow. Once I have the date, I start planning my official transition day and meeting with my entire work staff. This is so crazy it’s a lot like skydiving it’s terrifying and thrilling all at the same time.

Overall a good day. I even restarted my diet and took my 1.7 mile walk. Now I just have to stay motivated and overcome the urges. Time to get my will power up.

Hugs
Nicole
 

Confused

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
456
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Genderfluid
Congratulations Nicole!

Hugs,
Mike
 

Lexxi

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
833
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
If anyone can do it Nicole that person is you. I think it's wild that we're doing our name change at the same time. We're name change sisters now.

As for the diet and exercise program...don't sweat it. You'll get it going again and be successful again too. Because of the holidays and being around my family I've had to take time away from the gym. But I tell you I can't wait to get back there. The reason I quit going for a little while is because I'm kind of low-key self quarantining because of my parents. They're in their 70s and both have breathing problems and I want to make damn sure I don't give them covid. So staying away from the gym for the next month is a small price to pay to keep them safe.

I hope you find out something good about your name change Zoom tomorrow. Wouldn't it be awesome if your meeting is next Thursday and we both became legal on the same day??? I'd love that!!
 

OzGirl

Global Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
2,176
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
It so warms my heart that my dearest friends are becoming their true selves at the same time!! What a fitting way to say goodbye to this horrible year. Very smart of you Lexxi to keep clear of high risk areas to keep your parents safe, hmm, I'm nearly in my 70's! Oh, great idea to get a persoanlised licence plate @Lexxi, I wonder where you got that from?

Hugs,

AllieIMG_4275.jpg
 
En Femme 728 x 90
Top Bottom