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New, confused, and looking for friends

CrackDown29

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
12
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Female
Hey, hello, and hi!

To get straight to the point I might be transgender but I'm really confused and not sure whether or not I should transition to male (I'm afab). My brain constantly questions and criticizes me for having these thoughts, and tries to tell me I have bad reasons ( claiming it's only out of body dysmorphia, or internal misogyny or copping out of female discrimination, etc.)

I grew up in a large conservative, abusive and phobic household, so I have a lot of fear about taking a step like this. I'm a recent high school graduate who just cut off contact with a lot of my family in this last year (in fact my other parent kicked me out for religious differences and disbelieving my fears about assault) and am really struggling almost alone (I have one sister with me we both got kicked out together). What little family I have contact left (besides said sis), the only one who would be openly supportive doesn't want to be in my life much out of mental health baggage he carries. I don't have many friends IRL either because I was raised in a lot of social isolation. I really wish the dysphoria wasn't climaxing at a time like this, I wish I could just bury it and work on getting on my feet, but it refuses to go away so here I am :).

I was really scared to come to a space like this tbh because since I haven't officially transitioned or figured it out I was afraid I didn't belong here. But if you'll have me, I would be really grateful. :)

Really excited to meet people on here!
Collie
 

TonyaJanelle

Ubiquitous Moderator she/her/hers
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
1,746
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I was really scared to come to a space like this tbh because since I haven't officially transitioned or figured it out I was afraid I didn't belong here. But if you'll have me, I would be really grateful.
We have and we welcome people in all stages of transition or not, coming out or not, or just trying to figure things out.

Glad you found us, hope we can be of some help.
 

Julie G

Active member
Joined
Nov 13, 2020
Messages
40
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She, Her, Hers, Herself
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Female
You are not alone. Guilt and paranoia sucks. It is wasted energy. Welcome.
 

Moni

Fight for self love!
Joined
Feb 1, 2020
Messages
1,728
Hi Collie, so glad you are here. My name is Moni. I'm very sorry for the abuse you have faced, no one deserves that. You deserve love and support. My initial thought for you is to take things as a whole. In other words, don't discount your feelings of being trans, but don't discount the influence of the things that have happened in your life. I don't know what your financial situation is, but a therapist with experience with gender issues can be quite valuable. Talking to others in a forum like this can also be valuable. Society and family can really do a number on us as far as guilt and confusion. I applaud you for seeking answers. Running from these thoughts is no answer. I should know, I ran for over 50 years. Anyway, please continue to seek answers. I think you will be able to get rid of a lot of confusion and guilt if you do. Welcome and Hugs!
 

Katie

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
2,354
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Female
Hi, Collie! I'm glad you found the courage to join us. I lurked on a mother site for quite some time before I started interacting. I battled a lot of fear and anxiety, and to be honest I still sometimes do.
 

Confused

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
341
Gender Pronouns
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Gender Identity
Genderfluid
Hi Collie,

If you look at my profile name, you will see I have been where you are. I also lurked on another site for awhile. I am not as confused anymore and it is mostly from some of the people on this website. You will find friends and support here. You can join in on the conversations, or pick out someone to private message if you are not comfortable at first. Welcome to our Refuge!

Hugs,
Mike
 

OzGirl

Global Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
1,855
Gender Pronouns
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Gender Identity
Female
Welcome Collie, I know you will love it here among like minded people! I forght dysphoria for a lifetime and realised that by doing something towards satisfying your gender ID, you can temporarily reduce dysphoria. Even joining a forum like this can help, but dressing in your preferred role, acting as your true gender, panning transition, and even writing fiction stories where you become your true self all worked for me. Eventually, I had to transition, but this allowed me to do it at a more practical time in my life, and it was still scary as!

Look around, get to know us and jump in with questions and your experiences as they will help others.

Hugs,

Allie
 

CrackDown29

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
12
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Female
Hi Collie, so glad you are here. My name is Moni. I'm very sorry for the abuse you have faced, no one deserves that. You deserve love and support. My initial thought for you is to take things as a whole. In other words, don't discount your feelings of being trans, but don't discount the influence of the things that have happened in your life. I don't know what your financial situation is, but a therapist with experience with gender issues can be quite valuable. Talking to others in a forum like this can also be valuable. Society and family can really do a number on us as far as guilt and confusion. I applaud you for seeking answers. Running from these thoughts is no answer. I should know, I ran for over 50 years. Anyway, please continue to seek answers. I think you will be able to get rid of a lot of confusion and guilt if you do. Welcome and Hugs!
Thanks for that. I definitely want to look for resources and professionals who can help me sort this out, preferably someone I could talk to online as I have no means of transport atm, any recommendations or suggestions are appreciated on that front ^_^. I have some money saved up as I have been working since 15 but being kicked out during a pandemic does put a strain on financial security and I have always been paranoid about spending money on my self-care. I really wish these feelings and questions weren't coming so strongly now, but it is what it is I suppose.
Thanks for being so welcoming ^_^
 

LADY SARAH

Celebrating 30th transiversery
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
570
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
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Hi Collie. Let me assure you that you are not the only one here that has suffered abuse, or has been forced into isolation. Sometimes parents will do that to shield a child they believe to be "different" from society, so the rest of the family can pass as normal. It is certainly not a good excuse, but an easy choice for simple minds.
 

CrackDown29

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
12
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Female
Hi, Collie! I'm glad you found the courage to join us. I lurked on a mother site for quite some time before I started interacting. I battled a lot of fear and anxiety, and to be honest I still sometimes do.
Thanks, I am too. It is nice to have a space where I can start letting go of always needing to look over my shoulder to make sure I'm not being hurt.. I am still battling a little anxiety but overall I am glad I made the decision to come here.
 

CrackDown29

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
12
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Female
Hi Collie,

If you look at my profile name, you will see I have been where you are. I also lurked on another site for awhile. I am not as confused anymore and it is mostly from some of the people on this website. You will find friends and support here. You can join in on the conversations, or pick out someone to private message if you are not comfortable at first. Welcome to our Refuge!

Hugs,
Mike
Thanks for that! I prolly will take a little time to warm up cuz I'm reserved by instinct so I appreciate the understanding. ^_^
 

CrackDown29

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
12
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Female
Welcome Collie, I know you will love it here among like minded people! I forght dysphoria for a lifetime and realised that by doing something towards satisfying your gender ID, you can temporarily reduce dysphoria. Even joining a forum like this can help, but dressing in your preferred role, acting as your true gender, panning transition, and even writing fiction stories where you become your true self all worked for me. Eventually, I had to transition, but this allowed me to do it at a more practical time in my life, and it was still scary as!

Look around, get to know us and jump in with questions and your experiences as they will help others.

Hugs,

Allie
Thanks for that! I am hoping to work on steps to experiment socially with transgender experiences. My figure is not the best and very feminine, which makes finding things like a binder a challenge, but I am hoping to try one with relatively good reviews soon. I can't expect miracles but it will be better than nothing. Hell, I even used cling wrap once just to see what it could be xD.
Look around, get to know us and jump in with questions and your experiences as they will help others.
Thanks so much! It's really comforting to feel like it's okay to ask questions and share my concerns and story.
 

CrackDown29

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
12
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Female
Hi Collie. Let me assure you that you are not the only one here that has suffered abuse, or has been forced into isolation. Sometimes parents will do that to shield a child they believe to be "different" from society, so the rest of the family can pass as normal. It is certainly not a good excuse, but an easy choice for simple minds.
Yeah my dad isolated and abused me and all eleven of my siblings at different times. Four of them are still stuck with him, and the two sibling on the spectrum are stuck with my slightly less/slightly more abusive mom. And most people in our communities never suspected a thing, even when I went to school for 5 years. It is definitely the easier choice to take.
 
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