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Entropic Variable

Floating Purple Belly Button of Mystery & Wonder
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Namaste Friends,

Many thanks to @KimOct for inviting me to join TransRefuge.org, and for all of her generous contributions to the Trans Community over the years. Her openness and willingness to share her journey has been and continues to be invaluable to me and to so many others. I am endlessly inspired by her perseverance through more adversity than anyone could ever possibly deserve and truly admire her. Kim is such a beautiful woman on so many levels, and I am proud and honored to call her my Friend.

Sincerest thanks to chainsaw juggler extraordinaire @Katie and to the entire Admin Team for creating and hosting TR. Katie’s wonderful YouTube videos and messages radiate genuine Midwestern U.S. Niceness, and I very much look forward to getting to know her and everyone here.

I also absolutely agree with Katie and strongly believe that there is no such thing as too many online resources for the Trans Community, and wish everyone who has worked so hard to provide and maintain these resources here and elsewhere well. We’re all in this together, and we simply cannot afford to spend any time at all thinking about anything other than the big picture of how far we still have to go in accomplishing the universal basic civil rights and happiness that all human beings deserve.

Some of you may remember me from elsewhere. If you do, you may recall that I’m nothing if not verbose and on occasion esoteric. And if you don’t know me from elsewhere, apologies in advance. I have a raging lifelong (mostly asexual) fetish for words and symbols, and I’m both tortured and blessed by an insatiable curiosity about absolutely everyone and everything. I have degrees in science and in art, and have had numerous daytime gigs over the years in art, design, and health care to feed my nasty habits of living indoors and eating regularly. I’m also a freelance writer and artist which feeds my spiritual need to discover the meaning of my time in, as Anne Rice once described it, The Savage Garden that is life. There is nothing more profoundly joyful to me than shared understanding.

In case you were wondering about my screen name, entropy is a concept from physics which states that over time every system continuously decreases in organization and eventually becomes uniformly disorganized and inert. Philosophically, it “dies.” An entropic variable would then be something in a system that affects the rate at which the progression from organization towards uniform disorganization/inertness/death takes place. In this sense, sentient beings are ALL entropic variables interacting with each other, and being mindful of this idea inspires me to live as much as I can for as long as I can, and to seek to creatively increase the constructive order of the world around me.

Can you dig it? Of course you can.

My forum avatar is a color abstracted detail of an allegorical painting from 1882 (and therefore in the public domain for purposes of copyright) by French artist William-Adolphe Bouguereau, known in English as "Twilight," "Dusk," or "Evening Mood."

I’ve always loved this painting and keep an image of it on the lock and home screens of my phone with all of my apps filed in folders on the dock so that nothing covers it. It functions as a visual mantra and touchstone of femininity that is deeply soothing and inspirational to me every time I see it throughout my day.

I was born in 1964, which would mean that I’ve made 57 laps around the sun at this point. One of my favorite quotes of Carl Jung’s is: “Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.”

My first word as a baby was “purple.” It’s also my favorite color, in case you couldn’t tell.

Even though there is no LGBTQIA+ content, my favorite film is “Wings of Desire.” It’s available for streaming on The Criterion Channel and elsewhere online, if you’re interested.

Music has always been extremely important to me, and I have very eclectic tastes. About a year ago I discovered and have become quite fascinated with Angel Olsen. At present I’m ten weeks into MTF HRT for the first time, and am especially drawn to this song of Angel Olsen’s for what I’m sure will be obvious reasons:




Whole New Mess
by Angel Olsen

Won't be long now before it's really showin’
It's every season where it is I'm goin’
I stretch my bones out on the floor
I think I'll really do the change
Oh, I'll really do the change, really do the change
Back home
Gettin' back on track, gettin' back on track
When it all fades to black, I'll be gettin' back on track
Back to my own head, cleared up 'til the time comes
Make a whole new mess again
Make a whole new mess again
Make a whole new mess
Make a whole new mess
Make a whole new mess again
Make a whole new mess
Celebrate the best
Take a photo for the press again
It won't be long before it's really showin’
It's every season where it is I'm goin’
I stretch my bones out on the floor
I think I'll really do the change
Oh, I'll really do the change, really do the change
Back home



In early 2019 I began to post installments of my trans autobiography online, and look forward to doing this here at TR. For the sake of continuity I’ll start by reposting most of what I’ve shared elsewhere previously with perhaps some minor edits, and plan to continue sharing my updated story from there.

Wishing you Authenticity, Peace, and Love,

Entropic Variable
 

OzGirl

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Wow Entropic Variable, that is quite an introduction! I can see you are going to add significantly to this Forum, and hopefully become a solid part of our community! I think we will ne thanking Kim for bringing you here, and yes, so many of us owe enormously her for clarifying our path and showing us we can do this! I really am looking forward to your contributions, Welcome!!

Hugs,

Allie
 

Monica

Fight for self love!
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Hello, oh crap, I'm gonna have to learn some new words here, hold on while I scroll up. Hello. Entropic Variable! Nice to meet you! My name is not as complicated, but the difficulty is in pronouncing it correctly. My name is Moni. We have a mutual friend who has great difficulty having the desire to say it right. I actually belief she is capable of saying it right, but, well you know her. Anyway, thanks for the awesome introduction! I like it when people share about themselves. Let's see, what can I share? Well, I do know what entropy is. It's what happens the second I finish cleaning my house. See we have something in common. Hope to see you around, and good luck on the adventure you have started.
 

Entropic Variable

Floating Purple Belly Button of Mystery & Wonder
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Thank you very much Allie (@OzGirl), Moni (@Monica), & Katie (@Katie) for the kind and warm welcome!

I meant to say in my introduction that you are more than welcome to address me as "EV" if you want to save some wear and tear on your fingers and frontal cortex. The consolation prize for having to deal with my general verbosity and esoteric-ness is that I feel your pain and want to help in any way I can.

P.S. to Moni (rhymes with "Bonnie," I grok): 1) Ummm...sharing is caring? & 2) When it comes to house cleaning, I find that sometimes just letting entropy do entropy can be a helpful strategy for promoting sanity. (I live alone, BTW.) I've learned to pick my battles...
 
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Donica

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Hi EV! Nice to meet you, and nice introduction. Welcome to TransRefuge. Your writing style is familiar, but I can't quite place it?
 

Lexxi

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Hi Ev,
So glad that Kim invited you to our Refuge. Please feel free to hop into any conversations that pique your interests. We're a welcoming bunch and not all of us bite so feel free to roam around at will.

Lexxi
 

Entropic Variable

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OK, now that I'm starting to become familiar with the UI here and am clawing some of the dust off of my faint recollections of how to tweak BBCode...

[...]P.S. to Moni (rhymes with "Bonnie," I grok): [...]
My Goodness, you are good with words!!!!!!!!!

Moni_SAY_MY_NAME_Correctly.jpg

P.P.S. to Moni, Re:
Hello, oh crap [...]

I seem to remember someone once saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Don't know why that popped into my pretty little head, but I felt like sharing again. You're welcome?

Hi EV! Nice to meet you, and nice introduction. Welcome to TransRefuge.

Thank you very much Donica. It's Super Groovy to be here, and I very much look forward to getting to know all of the Super Groovy Peeps like your own good self who make this Super Groovy place possible!

Your writing style is familiar, but I can't quite place it?

Oh, you know, I get around.

So glad that Kim invited you to our Refuge. Please feel free to hop into any conversations that pique your interests.

Thank you very much Lexxi. I'm so glad that @KimOct did too! I wanna be just like her when I grow up.

We're a welcoming bunch and not all of us bite so feel free to roam around at will.

Hmmm...that's almost comforting...I suppose. I guess that's what I get for dropping an Anne Rice reference.
 

Entropic Variable

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Oh God, the world's not ready for two of her.
More like the world's not ready for one of me.

This thread is starting to feel like a Driest Sense of Humor Pageant.
 
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Monica

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I seem to remember someone once saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Don't know why that popped into my pretty little head, but I felt like sharing again. You're welcome?
Ask Kim about me. She'll tell you I don't make no first regressions.


Your writing style is familiar, but I can't quite place it?
Why do I feel like the thread is, "I've got a secret." Mystery guest, are you bigger than a breadbox?
 

KimOct

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My Goodness, you are good with words!!!!!!!!!
No it is pronounced ' here she comes now say Mony Mony' ....... Billy Idol and Tommy James. :LOL:

Those of you that are tormented by being in regular contact with me know I haven't felt too great physically lately (nothing to worry about no condolences please ) just an explanation to those I owe follow ups to. And been kind of busy when I am up to it. I will post a bucket list item I did this week on my thread.

But anyhoo ....... (just wanted to explain during my brief appearance).

Please welcome EV as some of you already have. A great new member of our group. (Hopefully EV can get my evil sister in line ) :LOL:
 

Entropic Variable

Floating Purple Belly Button of Mystery & Wonder
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Ask Kim about me. She'll tell you I don't make no first regressions.

Good to know. Wow. Brainteaser much?

Why do I feel like the thread is, "I've got a secret." Mystery guest, are you bigger than a breadbox?

Well, I'm surprising flexible for a 17 year old adult (kindly see Jung's musing to comfort the aged quoted above) with multiple orthopedic issues, but I don't think that I could fold myself up into quite that compact a space. So yes, I'd have to say that I am in fact bigger than a breadbox.

Wait, how big is the breadbox in your head Moni?

Am I the "Mystery Guest?"

Are you the "Mystery Guest?"

[...] Those of you that are tormented by being in regular contact with me know I haven't felt too great physically lately (nothing to worry about no condolences please ) just an explanation to those I owe follow ups to. And been kind of busy when I am up to it. I will post a bucket list item I did this week on my thread.

But anyhoo ....... (just wanted to explain during my brief appearance).

Please welcome EV as some of you already have. A great new member of our group. (Hopefully EV can get my evil sister in line ) :LOL:

OH MY GOODNESS – KIM LIVES! YAY!!!

Thanks for taking a moment to fight through the pain and bless my TR intro thread with your presence. What a Trooper! I look forward to your Tale from The Bucket List soon, and thanks so much again for inviting me.

FEEL BETTER KIDDO!
 

Monica

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Let's do the math, if A knows B, and C knows B, does A know C also? I know Kimmy (she follows me everywhere, like I found her sitting in my car knitting last week.) You know the Kimster (Don't bother, I tried to go the restraining order method, it didn't work, FYI.) So yes, you are the mystery guest. Okay, the breadbox question was clumsily phrased, although I did get you to admit the orthopedic issues. I know that fits in here somehow. Wow, now I forgot what I was trying to find out. Oh well, here come the orderlies anyway! Bye for now!
 

Entropic Variable

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Let's do the math, if A knows B, and C knows B, does A know C also?

Yes Moni. Ray Charles is God. (I sincerely hope that the “a” in “math” wasn’t a typo?)

I know Kimmy (she follows me everywhere, like I found her sitting in my car knitting last week.)

OK, so now I’ll have that mental image stuck in my head forever. Far out.

What was she making for you, BTW?

You know the Kimster (Don't bother, I tried to go the restraining order method, it didn't work, FYI.) So yes, you are the mystery guest.

Ohhhhh-K. Now I understand. I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes. Sorry, and thanks for your patience with me.

Did I mention that I’m good with ambiguity and am also Kink Positive?

Okay, the breadbox question was clumsily phrased, although I did get you to admit the orthopedic issues. I know that fits in here somehow. Wow, now I forgot what I was trying to find out. Oh well, here come the orderlies anyway! Bye for now!

Not at all, guilty as charged (say, you are a clever girl, aren’t you?), and the breadbox remains a useful spatial metric no matter what multiverse you happen to find yourself in. It’ll come back to you, and there’s still plenty of time for discovery.

Hope you had a productive time out and look forward to our next visit in the solarium.


 

Entropic Variable

Floating Purple Belly Button of Mystery & Wonder
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Hopefully Moni won’t mind if pay attention to the rest of you for a few minutes.

It’s really exciting for me to be here. I’ve spent the last few days surfing the forum and am starting to wonder how I’m ever going to get caught up on all of the great content that’s already here. Please to pardon my coarse language, but dang.

However, as problems go…

I’m also working on updating my personal story, and look forward to hopefully getting my member blog underway over the holiday weekend. That is if I can find and maintain my concentration between moments of being scared caca-less by the somewhat less than soothing sounds of recreational explosives enthusiasts doing their thing out there. ‘MERICA! [BLEEP] YEAH! Earlier this evening I could swear I heard Beavis and Butthead tittering manically on the street below my apartment.

I was spending some time with Angel Olsen tonight and felt like sharing (once again, because it’s caring) another favorite. I’m especially fond of this song because I happen to be 128th Maine Coon Cat. It’s a long story, but if you were to spend any time with me, knowing this would go a long way toward explaining A LOT about me.

I’m SO totally jealous of Angel’s bass player Emily.




Acrobat
by Angel Olsen
Austin City Limits 2017

You are a crazy acrobat
You are the witch
I am your cat
I want to be a bit like you
I hope you don't mind
If I…do
I love the way your body's made
I love the way your voice is like sex
To be the whisper upon your ear
I…I want
To be the bed…the bed you miss

I’m still alive
I’m still alive
I thought that I’d died

Who cares?
I'm not a moralist
I'm just a lady with some time
I want to be made out of love
I…I want
To be made in…made into life
I love the way you take a walk
And the all the things you see with your eyes
Oh, to be that distant thought
Some growin’ mean…some growin’ meaning…in your mind

I’m still alive
I’m still alive
I thought that I’d died
I thought that I’d…that I’d died
 
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