Marcie's journey -life after Maizie (oh and my marriage)

[marcieelizabeth]

@Marcie, your weekly rollercoaster sounds like a hormonal thing. How do you take your estrogen, and what are your blood values? Are you still taking blockers, probably spiro? If yes, ow is our potassium level? Do you drink enough water?
You might want to talk with your endo and your therapist about all of that.


Hugs'
LInde

Hey there Linde,

yep Depo, i am doing 6ml, I have tried all types this is the most consistent for me...

 

[Linde]

Hey there Linde,

yep Depo, i am doing 6ml, I have tried all types this is the most consistent for me...

That's what I take, But I seem to remember that you are loosing weight? The attached study might give a hint what might be going on with you.?

Hormone Levels Drop When Obese Women Lose Weight

www.breastcancer.org

 

[OzGirl]

That's what I take, But I seem to remember that you are loosing weight? The attached study might give a hint what might be going on with you.?

Hormone Levels Drop When Obese Women Lose Weight

www.breastcancer.org

Linde, this is a study of natal women whose internal estrogen levels dropped with weight loss, and may not be relevant to a trans woman who has a constant external supply of E.

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Linde]

Linde, this is a study of natal women whose internal estrogen levels dropped with weight loss, and may not be relevant to a trans woman who has a constant external supply of E.

Hugs,

Allie

Allie, there seems to be some correlation oher papers indicated this. The introduced E seems to b variable with the amount of body fat, following a similar mechanism as found in this study.

Hugs
Linde

 

[marcieelizabeth]

That's what I take, But I seem to remember that you are loosing weight? The attached study might give a hint what might be going on with you.?

Hormone Levels Drop When Obese Women Lose Weight

www.breastcancer.org

Linde,

I am having trouble losing weight! I wish I was losing weight!

Marcie

 

[NicoleT]

Marcie....losing weight is so hard while in transition both mentally and physically. You literally have to think about it as a lifestyle change as opposed to diet. What is work for me is looking at the calorie count of everything. I try to stay within my calorie goals each day, but I can’t beat myself up for a bad day. We just need to follow it up with is about a week of good days. I also stopped drinking any soda that wasn’t either zero or diet, I drink a lot more water now, eat more vegetables even veggie pasta store-bought. ( almost no difference with pasta sauce on it)
go for the leanest meats you can chicken turkey instead of beef all help. If you have to have pizza see if you can find a mod pizza near you. You can get a small one to satisfy your craving and do it for 500 calories total. The other big thing is I walk my neighborhood now. I used my card to get the exact measurement. I walk a mile and a half per night.

I know struggling with your weight is only one of the major things that you’re going through. I hope one of these things that I mentioned above can help you achieve who you need to be. I’m rooting for you. Good luck on where you’re going and trying to keep your mind calm through the turmoil of family and friends.

Hugs

 

[Linde]

Marcie, my best female friend was very heavy, so heavy that she needed a walker to move around. She got one of those stomach surgeries, and she lost 100 lbs in a very short time. You should talk with a doctor, if you would be a candidate for this?


Hugs
Linde

 

[KimOct]

Marcie it was nice meeting you on the chat the other night. @Moni has talked to me about you and you are important to her. So glad I finally met you. Just one problem....... The title of your blog. Anytime someone says.....
Moni told me too - that is a red flag. Normally doing the opposite is a good idea.

 

[Lexxi]

Marcie is was such a pleasure talking to you the other night. I sure hope you'll become a regular on our weekly chats. The way I look at it is anyone that's friends' with Moni has to be alright in my book. Thanks for the lesson on the bugs, spiders, centipedes and other various horrors that you have to deal with on a daily basis. I don't know if you could tell or not, but I was seriously freaked out by all that spider talk. LOL

 

[Marie62]

Marcie,

let me also say that I totally enjoyed your „company“ the other night and don‘t listen to Lexxi, spiders are the coolest of them all. But hey @Lexxi, I have a proven track record of treating even the most severe spider phobias with grace and swift efficiency, so whenever you‘re up to a little fun playing with me and my friends, I‘ll be over in a jiff!

I had actually already posted something about losing weight with the help of the MyFitnessPal app a couple of months ago here and probably was still being to much of my grim science me about it back then to get this across right, but let me (again) say that the key to really being able to lose weight in a situation where turmoil reigns your life is to give yourself some form of control.

This is what @NicoleT means when she talks about monitoring her calorie goals but not beating herself up for a bad day. She is giving a lot of good advice above, so check it out. And, while it might sound like this is harder when starting from way up there, this is only partly true, since ANY reduction below the level that maintains your current weight will make you lose weight.

The rest is patience and resolve and here is another great thing @NicoleT said, this is not about dieting, this is about changing your life. There is a much more slender and lovely Marcie in you who wants out. And no, you do not need to lose weight to ”become” lovely, you already are, but you will be so proud of yourself and so will we ...

Many hugs,
Marie

 

[NicoleT]

Marie..... My ears were burning....
(Got worried for a minute I thought my ear piercings had an infection..Lol.)

I was going to stop by to check on Marcie.....it looks like you gals are already here.
(See ....now you did it Marcie.....)
You show up just one time to a zoom meeting and they will never let you be....Lol..

I hope all is well in Marcy land. What Marie said above is extremely true. Your life is in complete turmoil right now and you’re transitioning and you’re trying to lose weight. Not so easy right. I understand the food thing very well. I’ve spent a very good portion of my life searching for joy that I couldn’t get. So why use food to give me smaller moments of joy. That’s how I got up to be very overweight. It’s a tough road, start small, calorie count and try to find things that you really enjoy.....that you can either have smaller portions or made slightly different.
But whatever you do just remember one thing ......please talk to Lexxi a lot more about spiders. She enjoys it so much......Lol.....

Have a good day
Hugs
Nicole

 

[Donica]

Marcie! I remember you from SP. We didn't talk all that much in the past, but it was a real pleasure talking with you last Saturday evening.

Oh! And I really don't mind spiders that much, just so long as they stay in their world (outside) and not in mine (inside my home. Eek!!!). Truth is I am fascinated with all sciences.

 

[marcieelizabeth]

Marcie, my best female friend was very heavy, so heavy that she needed a walker to move around. She got one of those stomach surgeries, and she lost 100 lbs in a very short time. You should talk with a doctor, if you would be a candidate for this?


Hugs
Linde

Linde, My nutritionist has actually asked about me pursuing this option - at this point I am not giving up on making it there on my own, but it is a very real possibility if I cannot get by this point!

Thanks - it was lovely chatting the other night on the Zoom call!

Love and hugs,

Marcie

 

[Monica]

Marse, are you going to make me badger you to get you back on zoom? At some point I'm going to have to release you into the wild, to get your butt here without my nagging.

 

[Donica]

Oh dear Marcie! You know how Moni can get sometimes. Please don't anger the badger

 

[Marie62]

Marcie,
you’re on the list for Saturday, no refunds for no-shows. And you showed great stamina last week, so I expect to see you still going strong when I join you 11 pm CDT.
Hugs,
Marie

 

[marcieelizabeth]

Well I have been truly remiss in posting and keeping up with all that is Transrefuge. In part I think it has been because I have been pretty overwhelmed, and at the same time I do not feel I am deserving of feeling that way because I am not at all alone in having a lot of negative things going on. I feel like talking about my problems is not productive for me or anyone!

But life goes on doesn't it? I am feeling good about one thing, and that is that I believe my wife and I have sort of reached a level of stasis. We seem to be at a point of tolerance for her, and I know I will always love her but I also know we are treating each other better now than when we lived together and were not separated. I have talked with my older sister Lynn and she has helped me to realize how controlling Karen was for ALL the time we were married, and how she was never happy outwardly the whole time. I cannot take the blame or responsibility for all of that unhappiness, in fact she was happy with me for most of the 39 years we have been married.

BTW - Are we still married in your all eyes if we are separated? Or is that the accepted end of Marriage. I mean we are legally still married! but of course that is at risk, even though in separating we neither of us, wanted to Divorce, just Separate. so are we Married? I think so!

well, I just wanted to check in. I know a lot has gone on, but...well...this is a start. Right? Love and hugs to all!

Marcie

 

[Lexxi]

BTW - Are we still married in your all eyes if we are separated? Or is that the accepted end of Marriage. I mean we are legally still married! but of course that is at risk, even though in separating we neither of us, wanted to Divorce, just Separate. so are we Married? I think so!

Hi Marcie,

In my mind that is a question that only you can answer. Every person will see it a different way. I've been married...and divorced....twice. The first time, which I now call my starter marriage, was happy for about 4 years. But we were young and stupid and it ruined our marriage. She asked for a "trial" separation and I considered us still married...for a short time. One of my very good friends at the time stopped by to check on my then wife one Saturday morning and while they were sitting in the living room talking some guy came walking out of our bedroom. My friend said it was obvious that he'd interrupted them having sex. So she apparently didn't feel like we were still married, and I didn't either after I found that out.

In my second marriage my then wife had been having an affair with her ex husband the year before we got divorced, so the day I moved out of the house I considered the marriage over. In fact I went from our married home right into a different house with another woman. And I didn't feel bad about it at all because like I said she'd been cheating on me and got caught by that guy's wife, and the wife called and told me. Now I just don't really believe that love and marriage are lasting things. But that's just me. I know other people feel very differently.

Okay with all that said...I think if you still feel in your heart that you're married then you're still married. Like you said legally speaking you're still married so if you want to keep that title then that's what you should do.

Lexxi

 

[OzGirl]

Marcie, Marriage is a commitment between 2 people, and when that commitment ends, even from just one person, that marriage has ended. I married for life, twice, but my first wife's family motto was 'when the going gets tough, get going'. Her mother was continually leaving men, and it has been repeated with her. I was still deeply in love when she left, but I had to admit our marriage was over as she wasn't committed. I have recently divorced my second wife, but we remain living together as friends, and have committed to stay with each other. We were always best friends, and our marriage was just something to appease relatives and friends (got sick of people asking 'when are you two getting married?'). Our divorce was for the same reason, as my ex didn't want people thinking she was gay.

Relationships are so different, with a myriad of reasons people stay together, and many of those reasons change with time, and this is why so many marriages fail. In our community, change is the common denominator, and it makes sense that over 80% if relationships fail. With change must come adaptation. This is not always easy or painless, but as our exes have adapted, so must we. Admitting the relationship is changed, or even over is the first part, then coming to terms with our new reality is the second. Many will find another relationship, many will not, so it's a matter of filling our lives with things we love, and being open to what may happen. I know this can be hard, because most of us like to plan ahead, but, sometimes you just can't.

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Monica]

I feel like talking about my problems is not productive for me or anyone!

I don't know that it solves our problems, Marcie, but it is important not to let the steam build up. Also talking to others gives a different perspective. As for marriage, I thought about it one way and because of circumstances I'm forced to think of it differently. When it no longer works as with anything, adjustments have to be made. If those adjustments make it better, like it sounds like you are saying, it is a positive thing. I am over the naïve thinking that moves related to being trans happen without some pain involved. It is a tradeoff, and many times it comes out on the positive side of the balance. Would you go back to 2 years ago? You were together. Was that better than now? I kind of doubt it.