I use the men's room

[Maddie]

I do. And have for four years. Almost exclusively, except in rare times when with cis females that had to supportively pull me in there. So it wasn't me in there alone. I have met transwomen out and we use different facilities.
Doesn't matter what my ID says.
Probably re-evaluate this if operation is done.
I used to use women's rooms more often in the past.
I get that it can seem threatening and dangerous to be alone in a public men's room with rough men. I really get that.
Unisex rooms are great. Love 'em.

 

[Katie]

This is one thing I love about Quebec when I get to visit my employer's headquarters. Unisex restrooms are pretty much everywhere there.

 

[Linde]

I can't use the mens room anymore, and did not use it for quite some time now. I would be afraid going there. I feel safe and welcome in the women's rooms. And one women helped me a while ago to be put together properly after I stuffed my skirt into my underpants coming out of a stall.
After my orchi I was spotting a little for a while, and I needed panty liners. There are no containers in men's rooms to put used pantiliners in. That alone would not want me to go into one. I don't even know if there are toilet seat liners in men's rooms, I need those, because I have to sit down for peeing, and don't like the toilet paper covering idea.
Once my back is healed enough, Amber will train me to do hovering, what most women do these days. (yes, women talk to each other about toilet use things, I can't recall that men do that?)


Hugs
Linde

 

[Monica]

I do. And have for four years. Almost exclusively, except in rare times when with cis females that had to supportively pull me in there. So it wasn't me in there alone. I have met transwomen out and we use different facilities.
Doesn't matter what my ID says.
Probably re-evaluate this if operation is done.
I used to use women's rooms more often in the past.
I get that it can seem threatening and dangerous to be alone in a public men's room with rough men. I really get that.
Unisex rooms are great. Love 'em.

Yeah Maddie, there is no right or wrong answer with this. It is a personal decision. I was out with a student before schools closed and he had to use the bathroom. I decide to wait at the door because I did not feel okay going in there. I don't think I'll ever go in the men's room now, even if the women's line is long. Nice avatar pic.

 

[Emma]

Ok. This is how I see bathrooms and haven’t had any issues to date. I have to agree with Linde that I would absolutely never feel safe in a mens’ room. I can see 1000 ways that can go badly for me.

Sometimes there are family bathrooms and I’ll admit I‘ve used these in the past. they’re generally comfortable and private. Usually when there’s a line for the ladies room and I have to go badly (ah, the spiro days). I had made a decision that even with the advent of family or unisex bathrooms, that I’d use the ladies room. The view is pretty straightforward. I’m a woman, where else would I go. It’s just going to the bathroom with a quick hair and makeup check. I don’t make a thing of it. Tbh, I really don’t give it much of a thought at all. But we each make the decisions we’re comfortable with.

 

[Lexxi]

I've given the bathroom thing a lot of thought. Obviously right now I use the men's room. I don't pass, in fact I'm nowhere close to passing. Even if I were dressed in all female clothing with thick makeup on I still wouldn't pass...so I'll be stuck using the men's room for the foreseeable future.

I won't start using the ladies room unless I can pass on a regular basis. I've always been a feminist, and pro-woman my entire life--that's the way my mom raised me. I would never think of doing anything that would harm a woman. If I were to go into a ladies room and I didn't pass, then it would cause women to be scared and I can't be the cause of that...even if it puts me out. I would rather be outside my comfort zone than to put someone outside of theirs.

Now I REALLY hope I can reach the passing stage though. Because men's room are disgusting and I can't fathom having to sit on one of those nasty toilets once I have my surgery.

 

[OzGirl]

Because I am obviously trans I won't use the mens, ( I can't use a urinal anyway!) but will take the option to use a gender neutral toilet when it is available. Other than that I use the womens and I have never had a problem, but I am still conscious of making some women uncomfortable. This is particularly so when I am at work, as at times I may need to share the toilet with school children.

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Lexxi]

Hi Allie,
I love those gender neutral bathrooms!! I've been seeing more and more of those showing up at different places. Well I started seeing them before the pandemic...now I don't really go anywhere at all, so the only bathroom I see is the one down my hallway

I think you pass very well, and you're in a good country, so I don't see where you'd have any problems at all. I hope to one day be able to visit Down Under and see your awesome country for myself. That's probably a pipe dream...but hey I've always been a big dreamer.

xoxo
Lexxi

 

[Emma]

There are more and more of those gender neutral bathrooms. They never used to be available back when I came out. Tbh, it wasn’t really until enby genders came into the mainstream that they became more prevalent. Just an observation.

I have always believed that familiarity with trans women amongst the general population breeds acceptance. I’m lucky to live and love in a city in which most are familiar with trans women to the point that it isn’t an issue. As far as the feminist position, just something to ponder..: when women see a trans woman walking into a men’s bathroom would It not just confirm the erroneous view in some that we are not real women. That it’s something we take off at the end of the day or in some other way fake. I also wonder if these women would be uncomfortable with trans men taking the same position. I think seeing a strong muscular trans man walk into the ladies room would be equally make women uncomfortable and reinforce the idea that they’re not real men. Obviously nothing is further from the truth, but it does make one ponder the larger effects.

 

[OzGirl]

The ladies I work with have invited me to share the female toilets with them, but I said I would wait until after my surgery as that will hopefully be a turning point in my own identity. As Lexxie said, I do live in an accepting community, and I would be surprised to get a bad reaction to using the ladies ( plus it is legal for me to use ladies facilities here). I suppose I need to feel comfortable that everyone else feels comfortable!!

Hugs,

Allie

 

[TonyaJanelle]

A couple thoughts.
First, do what makes you most comfortable.

Second, I use the ladies. I am a woman, even if I might not alway be a lady. I've had one incident in three years, I'm pretty sure I've posted about it previously. The one thing I wish i had done differently was when asked if I identify as a woman, instead of answering yes, I should have said "I don't identify as a woman, I am one."

Third is a pet peeve of mine. All single seat lock on the door restrooms are a gender neutral facility. There is no reason for them to be labeled by gender. Starbucks relabeled theirs to all-gender right about the time I started to worry about that. I don't know of any other chains that do that.

 

[Linde]

@ Emma, very good point, I never thought about that!
After I started to live as a woman, I never ever went back into a male bathroom again. I would feel very out of place there, and would be a little scared going in one.
I do not use family bathrooms, because I do not want to take this space away room a family with little kids who urgently need to go to the bathroom.
I don't even know if any women in the ladies bathroom would take notice of a trans woman not passing 100%, who is going into a stall in those restrooms. It is mostly only women who know each other who talk with each other. My observation is that any other women go in and out as fast as they can.



Hugs
Linde

 

[Donica]

I have yet to experience any issues using the ladies room. Trans people are the norm in most of California. I started using them almost a year after starting HRT and especially after FFS. I have to admit, even though I've never had an issue, I feel a little uncomfortable sometimes if there is one of those mean looking bigot ladies staring at me, but rest assured this won't be the case after GCS.

 

[KimOct]

I used a men's room once about 6 months ago - the first time in 4 years. I had went to a movie with a friend and did not wear any makeup - put a hat on my head and was wearing a T shirt and sweatpants. I had my ID on me so I guess I could have used the women's restroom but I figured I looked pretty male that day.

It was weird. I still used a stall - couldn't bring myself to use a urinal. I felt like I was in the wrong place but it was not traumatic or anything. I just felt out of place. For me using the women's restroom is a point of pride. I want to insist on who I am but that's just how I look at it.

 

[Maddie]

Stalls all the way.
It has been awkward for me to use men's restrooms. When I do, I dart in and out of them. Like i used to do with women's rooms. Doesn't matter where, even at my counselors office. Even when I went to Hollywood or boystown Chi.

I used to use women's rooms at rural truckstops from Idaho to AlabamaL. It's not like I didn't.

It has been a while since I've gone out anyway. But it's weird and it's why I post this. Like I've decided myself there's nowhere I belong. I don't accept myself so I stopped going places. The covid situation has postponed my dealing with it.

 

[OzGirl]

The last time I used a urinal was a disaster. I have shrunk so much everything is inside me, and I only have a tiny hole at the end of my foreskin, so urinals have been out for some time. I was at an airpot presenting as male, and after a flight, bursting to go, but all the stalls were occupied, and I was out of time. I rushed to the urinal, gave it my best shot at positioning, and let go.

Of course the stream went at right angles to intended, brushed my hand, and went straight to the lower pants and shoe of the guy who had just stepped up beside me. Thankfully, he was smaller than me, so I didn’t fear being beaten up. As the stream pressure fell, of course it went all over my pants as well. I actually stopped peeing mid stream and with a lot of apologies I quickly washed my hands and got out of there!

Mary saw my wet pants and immediately knew what happened to me, and chuckled when I told her about the guy beside me. I was upset, and on the verge of tears, so we found another set of rest rooms and I was able to clean myself up before our connecting flight. I swear I could still smell urine on me for that hour flight, and I resolved never to try travelling as a man again!

Hugs,

Allie

 

[Maddie]

That is awful embarrassing.
Allie I would have cried.

Who brought up this subject??

 

[Lexxi]

Oh Allie that does sound horrible. In 2012 I had a problem with a urinal too. I know it was 2012 because it was my very first week of college. I went into a bathroom and all of the stalls were occupied and I really had to go so I stepped up to a urinal and did my thing. Unbeknownst to me though my belt had flipped back over and my stream hit it and some of it got on my pants. I was very embarrassed and used my messenger bag to keep it covered up.

But I totally understand how you felt on that flight because I had one class to go that day and I swear I could smell it on me. I don't know if it was all in my mind or if it was already putting off an odor...but I was mortified!! Bathroom accidents are terrible.

 

[Kenna]

Until the lockdown I was living a split life, presenting male at work but female a lot of other times, although not when my facial fuzz was getting obvious prior to my electrolysis on Mondays. When female, I generally wear a good wig and breast forms and have no problems or concerns using the Ladies' restrooms but at work I use the Gents, however almost always one of the stalls. I'm looking forward to reducing the split! In the meantime, there's another 3 weeks until I'm allowed to wear the wig again and I'm never sure what to do! Thankfully I'm mostly at home.
-Kenna

 

[Emma]

Just to inject some humor.