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Monica

Fight for self love!
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Feb 1, 2020
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Been seeing the Master Card commercial where trans people get a card with the name that matches even if not technically legal yet. They do a great job explaining it to cis people, and trans folks come off looking very typical.
 

KimOct

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Yeah I liked that a lot. More thoughts on Nassib tonight or tomorrow.
 

KimOct

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So back to Nassib coming out as gay. He talked about making the world a better place and helping to foster a more accepting society. I remember when coming out as gay was shocking. These days most people are not too shocked by it. There is greater acceptance but of course it is not universal.

The transgender movement is a few decades behind the gay movement. It is still a pretty big deal to come out as trans but things are evolving.
I am proud and it makes me feel like I am doing something worthwhile by living my life openly. My family including extended family is about 20 people. I have a few close friends but lots of casual friends and most are cis. So let's call that another 50 people. And then all of the players I see at work on a regular basis. At least 200. And cashiers / nurses / receptionists / the staff in my apt. complex. On and on. Probably close to 500 people at least sort of know me.

Most people like me - I am warmly greeted. I feel that I am changing a small piece of the world. I hope others will join me and Carl Nassib and many, many others.
 

KimberC

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Jun 24, 2021
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Figuring out myself,I took me a few years in my childhood to figure out I loved feminine clothing.Age 11,it came true and started part time.Age 21,decided I liked the femme wardrobe more and went fulltime as Kimber.I am bisexual with a supportive wife
 

KimOct

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Please donate. People do a lot of work to keep this wonderful place running and growing. They don't make any money on it matter of fact it costs them money. Please kick in a little bit. My donations are small but consistent.

If you are not out at this time and worry about privacy you can pay via paypal. I am definitely VERY out but I like the convenience and security of paypal. There are lots of payment options.

Join the cool kids and help. :LOL:
 

Kenna

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Please donate. People do a lot of work to keep this wonderful place running and growing. They don't make any money on it matter of fact it costs them money.
I make a point of getting in early each cycle. Don't forget!
-Kenna
 

KimOct

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Wow over 3 weeks since posting. Well the last week was at Monica's having one of the best times of my life. I have been on amazing trips. London, Paris - canoeing in the Canadian wilderness, skiing the Rocky Mountains, living in Manhattan, snorkling in Maui etc etc.

Our get together with @Monica @NicoleT @Lexxi @michelle_the_belle @marcieelizabeth was one of the best of my life.

SO MUCH FUN and so heartwarming.

And the icing on the cake is I came up with a good 'I remember when' topic. It occurred while traveling. I will tell it tonight or tomorrow.

Thank you so much ladies and a special thank you to A. @Monica 's partner. She was a delight, funny, kind and a great hostess. So kind of both of them to welcome us in their home.

Hopefully we can plan a large group get together of 10 to 15 of us at a destination sometime soon.

Taking a break and then the story.

PS @Entropic Variable and others I owe replies - I didn't forget you just been crazy busy and now exhausted but it will happen.
 

KimOct

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So this is not the story yet but something I wanted to get out while I am thinking about it.

While we joined the zoom on Saturday @CrackDown29 said something very honest and it sunk in with me quite a bit. He said 'I'm jealous - I wish I was there'. I loved the honesty. It got me thinking back to when I was the 'newbie' in 2016. I met a group of friends that I talk about here. It was at a different site (no not SP) before that. And I was the one trying to figure things out - hoping to be accepted by my big sisters. And they invited me on a trip and it meant a lot to me.

I was thinking about others here that would love to be part of something like we just did.

This is for everyone to understand not just those that we know well. You have to get out in the world to experience things, to make friends, to live your authentic life.

This is a GREAT place. It is helpful for fun, support, advice and to know you are not alone. And to meet people. But don't just meet people online - find local support groups and give cis people a chance. When I am in my hometown I mostly hang out with cis people men and women.

If you are comfortable in your own skin then they will get comfortable with you too. My social calendar is pretty full. Maybe a little fuller than I can physically handle these days.

It was not always like this.

5 years ago I was afraid to be in public. Why? Because I was not comfortable in my own skin.
Why? Because I had learned all of that crap that I had something to be embarrassed about.
That I didn't pass. That people would think I was weird.

I had to unlearn all of that stuff. I had to become comfortable in being openly trans.

It was not easy. Matter of fact it was tough stuff.

For me it really was about examining the reasons I was embarrassed, ashamed. Once I figured out that stuff was bullshit then living my authentic life became easier.

For those reading as guests I ask you to reconsider. Sure reading is helpful but interacting is better. Making friends is better. Asking for advice is better.

And with time you start living your life.

But be careful.......you could end up with a mean big sister like @Monica :LOL: :LOL:❤️❤️
 

Donica

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Dec 24, 2019
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Kimmy! We were all there with you. Maybe not in person but in spirit. There will be other trips, which we are all looking forward to. We are just getting started my dear sister.
 

Lexxi

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I noticed one little problem with your post. Michelle's handle is @_Michelle_
I went ahead and tagged her for you. Doesn't fixing that make me very secretary like?

I should start introducing myself as Lexxi....Kim's secretary. Lol
 

Lexxi

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I know that our vacation did me a ton of good. I didn't hesitate one time to be my true self while there. I went out dressed all the time, and I even began using the proper restroom (I thank Kim for that one. She's the one who encouraged me to do it and I'm VERY grateful for that!!)

I wasn't bothered by any kind of public reaction to 5 trans people walking around. In fact while we were talking one night I even totally forgot that a guy had been staring at Kim and I while we were at dinner one day. I mean that's how unbothered by it I was....I totally forgot all about it. Lol

I'm positive that I'll be bothered by some public reaction at some point in my life....but it hasn't happened yet. My big sisters are giving me lots and lots of good advice and encouragement.
 

TonyaJanelle

Ubiquitous Moderator she/her/hers
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I'm jealous - I wish I was there'.
Yeah, so was I. I skipped the zoom Saturday because of it. I don‘t know how to express what I felt without making it sound like I'm mad at anyone for not being there.

I spent most of my life denying my emotions. Now that I'm allowing myself to feel them, I often don't know how to deal with them. This is one of those times.
 

KimOct

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Feb 3, 2020
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926
Yeah, so was I. I skipped the zoom Saturday because of it. I don‘t know how to express what I felt without making it sound like I'm mad at anyone for not being there.

I spent most of my life denying my emotions. Now that I'm allowing myself to feel them, I often don't know how to deal with them. This is one of those times.
Thanks for speaking up. You know I don't BS to make people feel good. If it's nice I mean it.

I said at least twice if not more than that - that I wished you were there. This was the first of more get togethers. Obviously Monica can only have so many plus it is far from my place to offer up her home but I do think we can plan other get togethers at vacation destinations etc.

If my foot wasn't in a boot I would be saying let's play golf in Sept. We are only 4 hours apart.

Here's an idea for people that are sort of in our region. Chicago? No we won't go to a Bears game lol unless it's the Packers. Oh wait - I hate to see the Bears lose.

I would love to hang out with you I think you know that. We will make it happen.

Thanks again for speaking your feelings Ubiquitous one. :) ❤️
HUGS
 

KimOct

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Messages
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I noticed one little problem with your post. Michelle's handle is @_Michelle_
I went ahead and tagged her for you. Doesn't fixing that make me very secretary like?

I should start introducing myself as Lexxi....Kim's secretary. Lol
thank you
 

TonyaJanelle

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Thanks for speaking up. You know I don't BS to make people feel good. If it's nice I mean it.

I said at least twice if not more than that - that I wished you were there. This was the first of more get togethers. Obviously Monica can only have so many plus it is far from my place to offer up her home but I do think we can plan other get togethers at vacation destinations etc.

If my foot wasn't in a boot I would be saying let's play golf in Sept. We are only 4 hours apart.

Here's an idea for people that are sort of in our region. Chicago? No we won't go to a Bears game lol unless it's the Packers. Oh wait - I hate to see the Bears lose.

I would love to hang out with you I think you know that. We will make it happen.

Thanks again for speaking your feelings Ubiquitous one. :) ❤️
HUGS
Kimmie Kimmie Kimmie, this is why I didn't want to say anything. It wasn't about me not being there. Due to the size and location, I wouldn't expect to be there. Of course I would have loved to have been and, yes there was a little twinge of "why wasn't I invited", but that wasn't what was bothering me. I really don't know if I can explain it.

I am genuinely happy that you all had a wonderful weekend.
 

KimOct

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Kimmie Kimmie Kimmie, this is why I didn't want to say anything. It wasn't about me not being there. Due to the size and location, I wouldn't expect to be there. Of course I would have loved to have been and, yes there was a little twinge of "why wasn't I invited", but that wasn't what was bothering me. I really don't know if I can explain it.

I am genuinely happy that you all had a wonderful weekend.
I get it more than you may think. I would have felt the same way and I never thought you were being shitty about it. You were just expressing your feelings which were hard to put into words but I get the vibe. Again thanks for sharing how you felt. That is what this is all supposed to be about.
 

KimOct

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Messages
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So here is the story. It may not live up to expectations. It is 200am can't sleep and just took some painkillers so those are my excuses but I want to try and tell it now.

So...... "I remember when' 5 years ago. My first group of trans friends invited me to join them on a trip to Sacramento. It was a CD / trans event with a dinner and a stand up comedian followed by a DJ and dancing. Lots of fun.

I had barely been going out in public for a few months and in those same months I had started coming out. I was the newbie. But I was determined to own it. I still had my male ID but I traveled presenting as female. I was terrified. My friends told me I didn't have to do that and that traveling as male was OK but I had something to prove to them and to myself.

So I put on my wig - large prosthetic breast forms - the whole deal. I marched into the airport and this A hole TSA guy says to me.... 'well well well. and how are we today?' He was smirking.
What a jerk. But I went through without a problem other than shame.

Several people were nice. The cashier at the news stand- the flight attendants and my neighbors on the plane. But that guy really wounded me.

Why did it hurt so much? Because I thought I had something to be embarrassed about.
That I was a joke - absurd and ridiculous.

Over the next 2 years I realized that the guy was the one with the problem and not me. It took a while. I had to figure out that all of the messages from society were wrong. That I was not a joke. That I am worthwhile. That I have a right to live as who I am and that who I am is pretty good. I had to begin to believe that being transgender takes courage and I found that courage.

So fast forward to the trip last week. No wig (my hair has grown out ) no breast forms - just me. Matter of fact no makeup I just got in Monica's van wearing a trans flag T shirt and shorts.

The first TSA agent looks at my ID picture - looks at me - does it again. It looks nothing the same. I changed my drivers license 4 yrs ago and was all prettied up for the picture. I could see she was confused. I simply said 'I am transgender but I didn't get fixed up today'.

She says 'oh OK' and hands me back my license. It was no big deal to her because it was no big deal to me.

So then I get to the scanner. This has happened several times before. They actually set those things to male or female. There is a blue or pink button on their computer screen. I have had an orchiectomy but still have a penis. There was a red box on the computer screen over my groin. The poor TSA lady (different one) walks over and says ' I don't want to be disrespectful but.....'

I knew what she was going to say so I spared her. I said 'I am transgender but still have a penis'.

She says 'would it be OK if we scan you as male?' I said sure and thanked her for how politely she handled it. End of story.

So what was different between last week and 5 years ago?

That I have learned how to be comfortable in my own skin. With who I am. With being transgender. It wasn't easy, it wasn't fast but I did it.

And you can too.

First thing is to figure out why you are embarrassed. And then you can start to undo the damage of all of the bullshit you have absorbed. And then you can start to be comfortable in living as the real you.

It's worth it.
 

OzGirl

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Kim, I don't like misgndering, but generally people are nice to me and hey, what can I do about it, this is my life now! I refuse to let my appearance limit me, because being trans has taken away so much in my life so far, I'm not willing to give up any more! I have a public facing job, and my boss offered to let me change my duties so I didn't have to face being misgendered, but I love dealing with the public, and I'm not willing to give that up!

I have to admit, trying to appear female and failing does make me feel foolish, like I'm trying to be something I am just not, but I just have to suck this in as it is what it is, and I really can't change anything atm. You have shown me that if we just get on with life, there will be happy times, so that's what I intend doing!

Hugs,

Allie
 

NicoleT

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Kim I agree with Monica it was worth the hype. I’ve always looked at you as a mentor and now I’m happy to call you friend. It’s the way that you handle life around you, that makes you the special person you are.

One part of me is disgusted by the fact that you have to put up with any kind of crap in TSA but the other part of me sees just how much of a better person it makes you than others who might have a problem with it.

Thank you for sharing the story. ( I knew parts of it during our chats on vacation but to get the full perspective was great)

Hugs
 
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