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Monica

Fight for self love!
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And only a very few are jerks.
Well, at least I said I'm sorry! Kim, you are so right so much fear and the great majority of it never materializes.
 

Donica

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Kind of fell away from that group about 18 months ago. I went to the in person meetings before covid. I hoped to make closer friends than I did. It was OK. Went out a few times after meetings, went to a club with a few one time and dinner one time with another. But no close friendships developed. Besides it's more fun to hang around here and pick on @Monica

But seriously for those reading - in person groups are extremely important especially early in your journey. I went to that group for 2 or 3 years. It was valuable - I just have other things to do now. But as great as this place is if you have opportunities out in the world don't pass them by.
Agreed Kimmy. In-person groups are definitely a great way to meet others like us. I highly recommend it. Now that the pandemic has shut everything down, I actually Zoom with more groups from around the world, than I did in-person groups. I do miss those days. But hey! Sure saves on gas :ROFLMAO:
 

Linde

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The trans person groups around here are like a joke to me! I have nothing in common with those people. I would not wanted to be with them, if all of us were cis!
Donna is checking out a group in Naples, and she has an OK impression of them. I might join her, and go to hat group. And after the meeting Donna and I are our own little group and plan to have fun going out into town.

Linde
 

OzGirl

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I knew how this was going to run 5 years ago, and decided not to do it, but guess what? I learned that I, and we, had no choice. Thank you Kim for showing me that we can walk this path, even if we didn’t want to. It’s not always fun, but there are good times to be had if we are open to it.

Hugs,

Allie
 

KimOct

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Speaking of good times.....woo hoo !!!!! I kissed a girl tonight and I liked it. (Katy Perry) :LOL: No not her but yes I actually smooched for a few minutes with a woman I have known for 20 years but rarely see. After the surprise party and then the after party we stood in a parking lot and made out. LOL. I'm happy. Haven't done that in years. I have always been attracted to her. See if you get out in the world good things can happen. It will be hours until I fall asleep - in a good way.
 

OzGirl

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Speaking of good times.....woo hoo !!!!! I kissed a girl tonight and I liked it. (Katy Perry) :LOL: No not her but yes I actually smooched for a few minutes with a woman I have known for 20 years but rarely see. After the surprise party and then the after party we stood in a parking lot and made out. LOL. I'm happy. Haven't done that in years. I have always been attracted to her. See if you get out in the world good things can happen. It will be hours until I fall asleep - in a good way.
Kim, that is so good for you, and also me! Thank you!

Hugs,

Allie
 

TonyaJanelle

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Kimmie and ?????? sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!........
 

Kenna

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Now I'm REALLY envious!
 

Donica

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Speaking of good times.....woo hoo !!!!! I kissed a girl tonight and I liked it. (Katy Perry) :LOL: No not her but yes I actually smooched for a few minutes with a woman I have known for 20 years but rarely see. After the surprise party and then the after party we stood in a parking lot and made out. LOL. I'm happy. Haven't done that in years. I have always been attracted to her. See if you get out in the world good things can happen. It will be hours until I fall asleep - in a good way.
Woo Hoo Kimmy! It's gettin all kinds of hot and steamy up in here :love:
 

Monica

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Were you making kissy face with Minor League Toilet Greene from Georgia again?
 

KimOct

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Speaking of my new sweetie - I will call her Ms. S. Here is an example of when people mean well and they accidentally misgender us. "S' is great. Heart of gold - a liberal and just a good egg.

She referred to me as -he- multiple times and apologized profusely each time. Even slipped and called me Mike once. To tease her I pulled out my drivers license and jokingly slammed it down.

I was looking very femme last night - clothing - makeup etc. She straightened out my hair for me once. The misgendering was an accident. She has known me 20 years and is obviously into me. She said a lot of sweet stuff.

The point is we need to be tuned into people's hearts and attitude. Names and pronouns are habits and sometimes take time to break. Not every time is a slight. But yes sometimes it is a slight. We have to be smart enough to know the difference.

The other day I was training a new poker dealer - he called me sir several times. Coworkers looked at me waiting for a response. I said nothing. The guy was dealing a simulated game so why should I embarrass him and make him more nervous?

We should absolutely stand up for ourselves but at the same time we shouldn't spend our energy looking for insults. You will know them when you hear them.
 

Monica

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Kim, I think we can put misgendering into two categories. One, someone is performing a hostile act to some degree. They may not see trans people as legitimate, or may be on a religious crusade of some sort. I don't think I've been 'lucky' enough to receive that treatment as of yet. The second category is a neural pathway mistake. When someone is not focusing on making the adjustment of a new gender presentation, a neural pathway is used that might be based on a long time knowing that person, or some sort of visual clue. It's not mean, but instead kind of just flows out. I experience kind of something similar with my Tourette's. Over the years I have had different symptoms of my Tourette's, some more annoying than others. It's like my body has a mind of its own, picking which movements I will have to do. Those movements then repeat over time. There is no thought to it because it is a neural pathway that is well worn enough that that is where things go. I feel the act of misgendering has a lot to do with this mindless neural pathway. I am pretty adamant that, unless the person acquires road signs, provided by us, these pathways won't be changed. It is up to us to raise the awareness. That said, time, place, and method are extremely important in doing this effectively. Your example was spot on. Humor and not embarrassing someone are key. I'm also a firm believer in letting the repeat misgenderer know that it is hurtful and important to get it right. They have never had to deal with that kind of hurt. I'm never afraid to tell repeat offenders how it makes me feel. My personal track record is good for this method, with one or two exceptions. I will go to someone later, just one on one and tell them if conditions are not right just then.
 

KimOct

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I hate when I have to say @Monica is right, it's even worse when I have to admit she is smart.

I will get back to my pearls of philosophical wisdom :rolleyes: shortly but I just want to give updates right now.

Canceling going blonde at least for now. Biggest reason is I can't afford it but also I am feeling better about how I look.

AND..... I have a date with 'S' on Monday. :):):):):):):)
 

KimOct

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Two things before I climb back on my soapbox.
1. If you are able please donate to the site. Those that do the work to keep it running should not entirely pay for it also. Nobody makes a profit on this site - it costs them money to run it.

I am having money problems but I still contribute $10 per month. Every little bit helps.

2. "S' had to postpone yesterday - I was pretty sad but doing better. She asked if I wanted to reschedule and of course I said yes. This friends with benefits is new for me but it actually is helping me evolve. Nothing is forever - live in the moment. And she has definitely reawakened my desire for romance. I'm pretty sure it's still going to happen with her in the upcoming days.

Heading off to carpal tunnel surgery this morning which is why I am awake at this hour.

So my pearls of wisdom this morning :rolleyes: :LOL:

We frequently discuss gender dysphoria. On Zoom the other night we did, I often have and it is written about frequently. It has been a struggle for me. There is hope.

Yes surgery can be helpful but the real work has to go on in our minds.

It's not easy. It has taken me years to get to the place I am now.

I am 6'2" 240 pounds - built for football. People like me. Women like me. A very sexy woman is very attracted to me. I have something to offer. A 38 year old ciswoman friend of mine is taking me for surgery today. A week ago I stayed with her daughter while she went on vacation. 5 years ago she wouldn't have even talked to me - some middle age dude.

Some people will be drawn to you because you are trans. You just need to learn to own it.
Easy? Hardly. I suffered from gender dysphoria as much as anyone.

What is gender dysphoria? In my opinion it is that we feel our body does not match our mind and soul. Also it is the feeling that other people will think we are inadequate. That comes from the messed up messages we have received our entire lives about what women (or men for FtM ) look like.

Who you are is not what you look like. Think of people with people with physical disabilities. Does that define who they are? Of course not. And my height and broad shoulders and big nose do not define me.

But others will only see you as who you are once you accept yourself. Your appearance does not define you. And gender dysphoria is really about our physical form. Focus on who you are not what you look like.
 

Linde

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How true Kim. One of my cis female friends is 6' 5" tall, I am almost 6' tall and like to wear heels, which makes me almost as tall as her. When the two of us together, out in town, we sure turn heads, and we like it.
I asked her yesterday, if she ever was misgendered, and she asked me why I think that would be, and no, she was never misgendered. She is very confident, as a female, and she does not even think about that anybody thinks she could not be female.

And that is the secret , confidence. One has to believe in oneself to be seen as the person one represents.
That applies to me or my friend. I am not a former man who turned into a woman, but I always was a woman who was mistaken for a man for some time in my life. I am never misgendered, because females are never seen as men, no matter how tall they are. And if you believe in yourself, and you present as a female, there is no reason for anyone to think diffetent.
I don't know much about trans men, but I am sure it is not different with them.



Linde
 

KimOct

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I posted the entry below on Facebook today and I am re-posting here for 3 reasons.
1. I am proud of myself
2. Appreciation for the love and support I have received.
3. For those still struggling to come out. Nobody is more scared than I was. If I could do it you can too.

There are many friends I love here but one deserves special thanks.

@Monica has been an amazing friend. She makes me laugh but more importantly she always has my back. A couple times when people have been less than kind she has been like a mother bear protecting her cubs. I am privileged to call her my friend.

Today's FB post....

Five years ago in May 2016 I started a journey to live as my authentic self. Thank you to all of my friends and family that helped me get here through their love and support.


Mike Profile pic.jpg
1621467207944.png
 

Monica

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Awe, thanks Kimmy! I love you even if you have bad taste in football teams. What a difference in those pictures. I automatically feel more at ease with you as you are now. The dynamic is just so different when thinking of interacting with either person above. Same person, of course, but so different. Thank you for owning things in your life so publicly. I consider you to be a good teacher. I'm so glad you are posting more regularly. (Screw you, Daisy! lol Inside joke!)
 

Lexxi

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Holy cow Kimmy....there's no way in hell I'd know that was you. You've had an awesome transition and you now look amazing!!!!
 
En Femme 728 x 90
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