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Hi im Denise from Connecticut

Monica

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I'm wondering if you have gotten any clues about how they feel about LGBT people in general. I had a tiny bit of confidence telling my boys because of the way we brought them up. My oldest took a little time getting used to it. He later confessed feeling guilty for not buying in all the way immediately. I think he had to mourn the father figure a while. I understood though. Also, do you think you hide it all well, not give off any clues? I shocked everyone. I was a good hider.
 

Denise s.

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I'm wondering if you have gotten any clues about how they feel about LGBT people in general. I had a tiny bit of confidence telling my boys because of the way we brought them up. My oldest took a little time getting used to it. He later confessed feeling guilty for not buying in all the way immediately. I think he had to mourn the father figure a while. I understood though. Also, do you think you hide it all well, not give off any clues? I shocked everyone. I was a good hider.
Monica they are ok with transgender people but they never knew about myself and they aren't ready for it .and if it wasn't for my surfing a few years ago they never would of found out
 

Monica

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Not sure I understand surfing reference.
 

Denise s.

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Not sure I understand surfing reference.
I was reading all kinds of stuff on the internet and thats when my wife found out what I was reading and my secret was almost completely out then a few years ago i finally came clean and she's not good with it at all
 

Denise s.

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I was reading all kinds of stuff on the internet and thats when my wife found out what I was reading and my secret was almost completely out then a few years ago i finally came clean and she's not good with it at all
Now here is a real problem the one therapist that accepted my insurance can't see me anymore for health reasons so I'm searching again
 

Monica

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Ouch, that sucks! I ended up having to pay out of pocket for my therapist, insurance wouldn't cover it for me. My therapist was a trans guy in his personal life.

Obviously, your partner would know you are going to a therapist. Do you have to tell her it is for another issue in order to go without her freaking out? I don't know how this would fit into your life, but I have argued for a certain approach with some other folks I've talked to. When the topic is such a force in our brains, and the thought of declaring oneself to be transgender will probably freak out a partner, maybe an approach of stating that you are really struggling with something and it has gotten to a place where you need to seek help. Not only help from a therapist, but help from your best friend, (hopefully) her! Most people respond to a partner asking for help. The area you are having trouble with is thoughts about gender. In this way, it is not you telling her you are going to do anything, but you are being totally honest in saying you are getting to a point where you can't deal with things on your own. I told my partner when I first started dating, so I never had to have this conversation, but, if I did, this is the least threatening way I can think of to involve her in the process of figuring things out. Nothing is without risk, including bursting at the seams trying to keep this to yourself the rest of your life. I never liked an approach of one day blurting out, "Hey, I'm trans! I've done all the thinking about this without your input, and hey, I got plans." I don't see this as fair to a partner. There is an old adage about how the trans person has thought about this all their lives, and the partner has what, seconds, to process this? No, I think getting them involved in the process is something worthwhile for their sake. Food for thought if you ever get to the point of moving forward. Would you call her your best friend, Denise?
 
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