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chaniOfArrakis

New member
Joined
Oct 2, 2021
Messages
3
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She, Her, Hers, Herself
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Female
Hello all!

My (chosen) name is Ada-Claire; I am in my mid-thirties, MtF, and my egg exploded around the end of September.

I, like many other people discovering their womanhood, just let everything all come out at once. I have an understanding, loving, and supportive spouse - when I came out to myself, I came out to her as well, and it was too much for us to handle all at once. I am extremely lucky that my partner reached out for help, and Alice answered that call and sent me here. I'd like to join the support group; I know that I'm new to the LGBT+ community, and I have much to learn about myself and our community, but I want to give back as much as I receive because I believe that everyone should be able to, in good faith, live their truth.

Much like my privilege to have an amazing partner, I'm also extremely fortunate to have a good support network of close friends, and online communities. I'm not out socially, yet, but I know that when I do come out at work, and to my larger social network, I will have mostly support - and that those who can't accept me as I am and will be, are not people who deserve my love (but also, I understand where they're coming from, and I feel for them, because by merely existing I make them uncomfortable, and force them to face questions about their own existence that won't stand up to real scrutiny). My privilege doesn't end there, either: by trade I'm a software engineer, I've been in the industry for a little over a decade, and already have financial stability - a gift that many of us may never experience :'(

For everyone out there who reads this: you're beautiful, and for my transmasc fellows: you're handsome. Everyone here is valid - you have a right to exist; you have a right to your own personal identity, and you should never feel like you need to justify either of those to anyone.

<3
 

Confused

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Hi Ada-Claire,

Welcome to the Refuge. There are many friendly people here ready to offer any support we can.

Hugs,
Mike
 

OzGirl

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Hi Ada-Claire, and welcome to Trans Refuge! We have lots of members at different stages of transition, and still figuring out who they are, but I dn't recall too many who have exploded onto the scene as you have! Just a note for those who have not heard the Egg analogy, most used in Reddit, a person who is just realising they are trans is referred as their Egg is cracking.

Most of us know what it's like to have a revelation, and some to have a dam burst, but it is important to consider those around us. While your pent up emotions burst forward, they are wondering what is happening, and usually getting scared. While we are realising a lifetime of questions and uncertainties have just been answered, they have not had that background, and just see someone changing. Transition is a slow process which takes many years, so it's important to ease into it, or problems will arise.

Gender incongruence, and as a result, gender dysphoria, are medical conditions from variations in structure of a small part of the brain, and these can only be treated medically, but, there are some pschological conditions which can complicate this, so a visit to a gender specialised Psychologist is strongly advised. If there is nothing else contributing to the feelings of incongruence, transition is often recommended. The process is frustratingly slow, and creates a lot of challenges in our lives, and the support of a therapist is also recommended.

Take some time to breathe, think about where you are in your life, and where those close to you are also. Do some homework, this transition is costly, painful, and slow, Make sure it is right for you, and give loved ones time to get used to this. Ask lots of questions, and we will do our best to answer, but we are not professionals, so can only give you our experiences!

Hugs,

Allie
 
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Katie

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I was 36 when I came out, and will soon be 40. Just take things one step and one day at a time, and you'll do well. You are super fortunate to have a supportive partner.
 

chaniOfArrakis

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Joined
Oct 2, 2021
Messages
3
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Thank you all for making me feel welcome :)

This is something that I've known, at some level, for a very, very long time - but being brought up in a Catholic household meant that it was something that I buried deep inside. When this all came bursting out I hurt my partner (a lot) ... but (thanks to a lot of help from a few wonderful people, including @efxalice ) I've been able to pump the brakes a bit. I'm not regressing back to "fully masc," but am taking some time to enjoy the experience, and let my partner digest everything that's happened. My partner still has questions for herself that I can't help with, but it really feels like we're both onboard to do whatever we can to make things work.

I do intend to work with my GP to get referrals to a psychologist/psychiatrist with a specialty in gender issues, and have already begun speaking with a Counsellor with that specialty (I was quite pleased to discover in our first session that they're transmasc). I've been medicated for depression for almost 2 decades now, and honestly hope that this is the underlying cause - it certainly feels like it because I feel like I'm seeing the world with a new clarity and understanding since I came out to myself, but only time will tell.

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice - I intend to take that advice because I really do care about my partner, and my friends (or, as I like to say: the family that I've chosen).
 

Donica

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Thank you all for making me feel welcome :)

This is something that I've known, at some level, for a very, very long time - but being brought up in a Catholic household meant that it was something that I buried deep inside. When this all came bursting out I hurt my partner (a lot) ... but (thanks to a lot of help from a few wonderful people, including @efxalice ) I've been able to pump the brakes a bit. I'm not regressing back to "fully masc," but am taking some time to enjoy the experience, and let my partner digest everything that's happened. My partner still has questions for herself that I can't help with, but it really feels like we're both onboard to do whatever we can to make things work.

I do intend to work with my GP to get referrals to a psychologist/psychiatrist with a specialty in gender issues, and have already begun speaking with a Counsellor with that specialty (I was quite pleased to discover in our first session that they're transmasc). I've been medicated for depression for almost 2 decades now, and honestly hope that this is the underlying cause - it certainly feels like it because I feel like I'm seeing the world with a new clarity and understanding since I came out to myself, but only time will tell.

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice - I intend to take that advice because I really do care about my partner, and my friends (or, as I like to say: the family that I've chosen).
Welcome to TransRefuge @Ada-Claire! I'm so happy to hear you are working with your GP to find a psychologist/psychiatrist/Therapist, preferably one who specializes in trans care. This is the first, and perhaps the biggest step one can make in realizing their true self. TR is certainly full of folks with experience in similar paths as yourself, and we are willing to share these experiences with you. Glad you found us. Check out our Zoom meetings if you like. Just let us know. See you around the forum.
 

Monica

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Hi Ada-Claire, very most excellent introduction! I'm Monica, welcome to the site. I'm usually more involved with the site but have been licking a few wounds imposed by life recently. I'm happy to hear of your willingness to be patient with things. Unfortunately patience is very involved in a successful transition. Things never move as fast as we would like . Anyway, nice to meet you.
 

KimOct

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
857
Hi Ada Claire - I agree that was a great introduction and I think you will like it here. Normally I am the one that just keeps posting and talking - then talking and posting. I have also been quiet lately but I intend to change that.

Just a little advice - ( on the DL as the kids say ) :ROFLMAO: watch out for that @Monica woman. She is a very disturbed individual. :ROFLMAO:❤️ Everyone else here is great.
 

TonyaJanelle

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Welcome to transrefuge Ada-Claire,
Happy you chose to share your journey with us.

Lots of nice people here willing and sometimes even able to answer your questions.
 

chaniOfArrakis

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Joined
Oct 2, 2021
Messages
3
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Welcome to TransRefuge @Ada-Claire! I'm so happy to hear you are working with your GP to find a psychologist/psychiatrist/Therapist, preferably one who specializes in trans care. This is the first, and perhaps the biggest step one can make in realizing their true self. TR is certainly full of folks with experience in similar paths as yourself, and we are willing to share these experiences with you. Glad you found us. Check out our Zoom meetings if you like. Just let us know. See you around the forum.
thank you @Donica :)

I'd like to join tonight's zoom to say hi and e-meet people - is there a thread/post with details on how to do that, or are invites sent out privately?
 

Donica

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thank you @Donica :)

I'd like to join tonight's zoom to say hi and e-meet people - is there a thread/post with details on how to do that, or are invites sent out privately?
Sure @chaniOfArrakis. I have just added you to the list for tonight's meeting. Allie (@OzGirl) is the Saturday night hostess. The meeting starts at 8:00 PM Central time US. The link for tonight's meeting is in your PM now. You may also receive the link in your email. Just click the Red Zoom Link and your in. Looking forward to meeting you Ada.
 
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