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Madrhode

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It’s roughly same amount if I was paying my normal insurance of 2500 usd and you with your country’s health care is roughly same. My big srs letter only cost me 120 usd but she would do it for forty. One reason I can’t donate to this site yet is I promised I’d pay 40.00 a month to the doctorate that did my letter so she could do it for twelve trans people in need that can’t afford her 120 usd or have no insurance that’s till august
 

KathyLauren

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I fit the demographic you described: retired, homeowner, financially secure. None of that was a factor in my decision to transition. Basically, I was in denial about who I was. I wondered if I was trans, but I always managed to convince myself that I wasn't. And, even if I was, that there was no way that I could survive coming out.

Had I not had that mental block, it would have made a lot more sense to transition years earlier. In my last job, I was working from home with no direct contact with my boss or co-workers other than email, and living in a community where the prevailing ideology was left-wing / socialist. It would have been an ideal situation in which to transition. But I just wasn't ready.

Why I was ready when I was, I can't say. But it happened a couple of years after I retired. Coming out gambled my financial security: if my wife had decided to leave me, the financial hit of splitting our assets would have hurt. It also gambled with our social situation. Unlike that socialist-leaning community, in the place where we live now our neighbours are mostly rural rednecks. It could have gone badly. I got lucky on both gambles.

My point is that my situation, both financial and social, had very little to do with the timing of my transition. I did it when I knew that that was what I had to do.
 

OzGirl

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I am also in a similar position to Kathy, but I was determined not to transition until I bacame gravely ill due to gender dysphoria. My financial security was part of why I decided not to transition, and my finances have been significantly impacted directly because of my transition, but I had no choice in the matter.

Hugs,

Alllie
 

pamelatransuk

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I fit the demographic you described: retired, homeowner, financially secure. None of that was a factor in my decision to transition.

My point is that my situation, both financial and social, had very little to do with the timing of my transition. I did it when I knew that that was what I had to do.
Precisely the same for me. Retired, Homeowner, Financially Secure and likewise irrelevant to my decision to transition.

I transitioned when the time was right.

However I do sympathize for the many who defer or cancel transition due to lack of assets.

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

KimOct

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Feb 3, 2020
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Emerald, I completely understand your view and I have much to say on the subject but this entry will be brief as it is 130am but I will come back tomorrow.

Yes many of my post transition friends are financially comfortable and many have relatively secure jobs and yes that does make it easier. The short version of my story ( you are going to get the long version because I think it may help ) but the short version is I was a National Account Manager for Hertz for 25 years. I was in the corporate arena.

I did transition after a layoff however I have been hired 3 times as openly transgender. Do I make the same money I used to? No. Was it the right choice? Absolutely.

Recently @NicoleT came out at work in a sales position. She had the same fears. I have had the pleasure of telling her 'I told you so' many times :LOL:

Our fears come from many places. We have been taught that we should be ashamed and therefore believe that everyone will look down on us.
Overcoming these fears takes a lot of work. But it starts by understanding where it all comes from - within ourselves.

By the time I'm done on your post you will wish I never read it. Just ask @Moni :oops::LOL:

More tomorrow.
 

Melanierose

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Emerald, I completely understand your view and I have much to say on the subject but this entry will be brief as it is 130am but I will come back tomorrow.

Yes many of my post transition friends are financially comfortable and many have relatively secure jobs and yes that does make it easier. The short version of my story ( you are going to get the long version because I think it may help ) but the short version is I was a National Account Manager for Hertz for 25 years. I was in the corporate arena.

I did transition after a layoff however I have been hired 3 times as openly transgender. Do I make the same money I used to? No. Was it the right choice? Absolutely.

Recently @NicoleT came out at work in a sales position. She had the same fears. I have had the pleasure of telling her 'I told you so' many times :LOL:

Our fears come from many places. We have been taught that we should be ashamed and therefore believe that everyone will look down on us.
Overcoming these fears takes a lot of work. But it starts by understanding where it all comes from - within ourselves.

By the time I'm done on your post you will wish I never read it. Just ask @Moni :oops::LOL:

More tomorrow.
If you can it’s always better to quit job and get another one as your true self. It avoids problems. I got a new job straight away ( obviously because I’m absolutely brilliant!)
 

Madrhode

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If you can it’s always better to quit job and get another one as your true self. It avoids problems. I got a new job straight away ( obviously because I’m absolutely brilliant!)
I think that it should be more of a case or case basis. If you have a very accepting job and tenure then it shouldnt be thrown away. If you have a toxic job then yes.
 

KimOct

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Messages
731
I feel like my real life is passing me by. I may never be financially set to do what many other fortunate women can do. Any advice?

Any advice? :LOL: Oh I have plenty. :LOL:

But being serious...... Read what you wrote again. MY REAL LIFE IS PASSING ME BY.

That really is the point. Everything else is secondary. You are not going to get a do-over life. You are not going to get younger.

I do not think everyone should transition. The real question is the reason someone does or does not transition.

I never thought I would. Yes I knew since I was 5 years old but I didn't want the world to think I was a freak. I am 6'2" 240. I am built for football. I thought I would look ridiculous. But finally I realized hiding the rest of my life and taking this to my grave was stupid. Exactly what would that accomplish.

Emerald - you state your financial concerns. Many people use that as a rationalization because deep down they fear what the people around them will think.

If at the end of your life what will be more important to you? Being financially secure or having lived at least part of your life authentically?

I used to make $90,000 per year and now I make $30,000. I made a choice. After getting downsized by Hertz I could have found something at least closer to what I used to do but I made a choice. Do I wish I had the money? Sure. Did I make the right choice? Absolutely.

Many people are fortunate that they have a skill that allows them to move jobs. Others are in a company where there are protections. But as Katie mentioned above you never know what life will throw at you.

I got downsized - had 2 autistic children - 3 heart attacks and lost a kidney to cancer - it's been a real party. LOL

But I made choices and rose from the ashes. I now work part time as a poker dealer. Many of the women at work have become my friends. Close friends. I go to their family functions- they visit me where I live and two of them asked what I am doing on Valentines Day and asked me if I want TWO dates. LOL Just me hanging out with them.

There is a life post transition. With or without financial stability. But you have to decide what you want. What is most important to you.
And if you are lucky you can have both.

I never got a job like I used to have but I was hired twice to work in call centers and now as a poker dealer. Many people live perfectly fine lives with jobs like that.

What is the bigger loss in my opinion is as you said - NEVER LIVING YOUR REAL LIFE.

In the 5 years since I first came out I have met many transpeople both online and in person. They fall into two groups.

Those that have REASONS for not transitioning and those that transition.

If the reason is that you don't feel the need that is fine. But if the real reason is that you are afraid of what others will think...........................
then we have a lot to talk about. And as those here that have known me for a few years know all too well I am happy to have that chat.
 

Loki Luci

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@emerald3204 , I'm nearing 42 and wasted 20 years of my life being a poor manufacturing grunt and denying my inner woman. I'm only slightly better off than when I sold my car to move to a rural state that is ranked the 38th most LGBTQ friendly (i.e., the 12th worst state in the US; also home to some really terrible crimes against transpeople) for my romantic partner, at the time. So, there are some of us that aren't "old" yet, definitely not retired, and are far from financially stable or successful. I currently can't even afford needed therapy (I'm relying on free general therapy offered through the college I go to).
At this point, I haven't started Hrt, I'm scared to even step outside my house (a rental) with painted nails and my ex-wife (who I still live with, temporarily) judges me and my "decision" (her opinion that being trans is a choice) enough that I have to remind myself that not everyone thinks that way who isn't trans. I'm not saying I have it worse than anyone else, in fact, I know I don't. But, I am trying to say we're both in tough spots, it sounds like.
Hang in there, because like in Alchemical texts, we have to pass through the Darkness of the Putrefaction of our old lives to be washed by the Dew of our cultivating the new one before we emerge shining and ready for living a life unbound and full of Joy, the Jewel of the Wise. Or, another way of putting it: from what it looks like, there's this initiation from Hell that many transpeople have to go through that Society tortures us with. Some of us can buy our way into Purgatory, but all of us have to climb, crawl or roll, no one just pops out as trans and wakes up one night to Gandymediella, the Gender Fairy, who bestows a single gender wish upon every transfolk.
I'm so grateful for this group and a few transpeople I know because their examples inspire hope for a living future for me. I see this whole thing (transgender identity and transition) as a process of becoming and living our truer selves. It just takes us transpeople a little more to make that happen externally. There are so many people and resources out there to help transpeople like us, if we but seek them out. It just takes overcoming the paralyzing fear and shame (like how I felt trying to choke out that I needed gender therapy to my general therapist because I expected shaming or rejection).
So, I'm starting off with a few allies and maybe $1100 USD to my name and changing jobs, perhaps with a new gender-fluid name (so I don't have to worry post-transition), but not a lot else. As so many here have already pointed out, we often lose friends, colleagues and family to gain new ones. I hope yours moves quickly and yet at your own pace!
 

Melanierose

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@emerald3204 , I'm nearing 42 and wasted 20 years of my life being a poor manufacturing grunt and denying my inner woman. I'm only slightly better off than when I sold my car to move to a rural state that is ranked the 38th most LGBTQ friendly (i.e., the 12th worst state in the US; also home to some really terrible crimes against transpeople) for my romantic partner, at the time. So, there are some of us that aren't "old" yet, definitely not retired, and are far from financially stable or successful. I currently can't even afford needed therapy (I'm relying on free general therapy offered through the college I go to).
At this point, I haven't started Hrt, I'm scared to even step outside my house (a rental) with painted nails and my ex-wife (who I still live with, temporarily) judges me and my "decision" (her opinion that being trans is a choice) enough that I have to remind myself that not everyone thinks that way who isn't trans. I'm not saying I have it worse than anyone else, in fact, I know I don't. But, I am trying to say we're both in tough spots, it sounds like.
Hang in there, because like in Alchemical texts, we have to pass through the Darkness of the Putrefaction of our old lives to be washed by the Dew of our cultivating the new one before we emerge shining and ready for living a life unbound and full of Joy, the Jewel of the Wise. Or, another way of putting it: from what it looks like, there's this initiation from Hell that many transpeople have to go through that Society tortures us with. Some of us can buy our way into Purgatory, but all of us have to climb, crawl or roll, no one just pops out as trans and wakes up one night to Gandymediella, the Gender Fairy, who bestows a single gender wish upon every transfolk.
I'm so grateful for this group and a few transpeople I know because their examples inspire hope for a living future for me. I see this whole thing (transgender identity and transition) as a process of becoming and living our truer selves. It just takes us transpeople a little more to make that happen externally. There are so many people and resources out there to help transpeople like us, if we but seek them out. It just takes overcoming the paralyzing fear and shame (like how I felt trying to choke out that I needed gender therapy to my general therapist because I expected shaming or rejection).
So, I'm starting off with a few allies and maybe $1100 USD to my name and changing jobs, perhaps with a new gender-fluid name (so I don't have to worry post-transition), but not a lot else. As so many here have already pointed out, we often lose friends, colleagues and family to gain new ones. I hope yours moves quickly and yet at your own pace!
What an epic text.
I think about 90% of my real friends have come from after transitioning and they are real ones. Nobody before has bothered or wanted to keep up with me.
so be optimistic
You will get new friends.
 

Kenna

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five kids (with number 6 on the way).
Katie, did I miss something!? Number 6 is news to me! How is it going and when are they due?
Hugs,
-Kenna
 

Katie

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Katie, did I miss something!? Number 6 is news to me! How is it going and when are they due?
Hugs,
-Kenna
Number six arrived December 1, 2018. Now that I have had an orchiectomy surgery, if you held me at gunpoint to motivate me to have sex I still couldn't have any more kids.
 

Donica

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Hi Emerald! Nice to meet you. Sorry I'm so late to this conversation. Just catching up. The truth is most of us don't have the financial backing/stability to transition. If it wasn't for more and more healthcare providers providing affordable trans care, a lot of us would never have been able to transition. My healthcare provider was my life saver, but I had to go outside of my company to get the coverage I needed. Sadly a lot of companies in certain lines of work don't even provide healthcare coverage for their employees. Especially in todays financial nightmare, even those with the financial backing will put a very large dent in their life savings. Yes it is easier to transition after retirement, but the truth is, it can be just as doable at your age, as many people have shown. There's no guarantee for success, but then there's no such life guarantees period.

As the saying goes, "We are our own worst critics!", is so true, and the same holds true for coming out at work, to friends, family, and the rest of the world. There will almost always be one or two people that can't get onboard with this, but, for an example, out of thousands of friends, family, and acquaintances, much to my surprise, only two have left. You know your situation best, and like you, I thought I was going to be crucified and lose everything, but it turned out to be a big non event. It was almost a letdown that everyone was so excepting.

It's good to know the laws in your state. Sadly, there are still 20 or so states in the U.S. that do not have laws governing the rights of the trans community, but the laws are changing, and with our new administration in the White House, these laws are changing fast. Be patient. There's no reason to rush into anything. You are still young with lots of time left for transitioning. I wish you all the best.

Hugs!
 
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