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emerald3204

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I don't want to offend anybody but I have noticed that alot of the older/mature trans women I've encountered online are usually those who are retired homeowners with financial security whereby its safer to come out as trans. I'm 47 and I have trans feelings that are growing increasingly stronger it would be career suicide if I decided to dress in public/transition. Sometimes I feel very cowardly but for me to live outwardly as my True Self wouldnt be practical at this time in my life. I long for the day when I have my own place (I currently share a house with a woman I have revealed myself too verbally). I feel like my real life is passing me by. I may never be financially set to do what many other fortunate women can do. Any advice?
 

OzGirl

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Talk to the person you share with and see if they are up to seeing you as yourself at home. I explained my situation to my long time friend, and we married (I was 46) and moved into a small house where I could be me at home. It helped that I loved doing all the domestic duties, and she didn’t, but for 20 years this allowed me to reduce my dysphoria to a comfortable level.

It isn’t so important if you rent or own your home, as long as you are comfortable living there. I was a diesel mechanic working in the testosterone charged truck repair industry, and coming out would have meant the end of my career. So having time to be me at home saved me through those years.

Hugs,

Allie
 

Confused

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Unless you are retired, job loss is always a possibility at any age. Some jobs are more susceptible than others. As for living outwardly, see if the person you are living with would have a problem with you living and dressing as yourself there. No matter what age you come out, there can be benefits and losses. If you have a family, there is always a chance you will lose some or all of them. On the other hand some of us are accepted by allmost everyone around them. YMMV

Hugs,
Mike
 

Melanierose

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I don't want to offend anybody but I have noticed that alot of the older/mature trans women I've encountered online are usually those who are retired homeowners with financial security whereby its safer to come out as trans. I'm 47 and I have trans feelings that are growing increasingly stronger it would be career suicide if I decided to dress in public/transition. Sometimes I feel very cowardly but for me to live outwardly as my True Self wouldnt be practical at this time in my life. I long for the day when I have my own place (I currently share a house with a woman I have revealed myself too verbally). I feel like my real life is passing me by. I may never be financially set to do what many other fortunate women can do. Any advice?
Yes your right I was 35 when I stopped feeling guilty but i was 57 when I went full time and left everything behind. Divorced quit job but I left everybody in secure position so job done there. Yes we are slightly better off older but we lived through times when it was illegal to be gay. Where as now there are laws and help etc for all people.
including this group. Age is not important. First step. You are what. Then slowly work on changing your situation. It’s not impossible
 

Karajo

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I am 39 and on hrt for 4 months now no have a plan to pay off some stuff but in the end I will file bankruptcy if I have too. I will be me!

Hope the best to you!

Kara

Sent from my SM-N976V using Tapatalk
 

Monica

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Emerald, would you feel comfortable sharing generally what you do for a living? No pressure! I ask because sometimes the potential transitioner makes the assumption that it is impossible and that might not be the case. I know there are now job protections that were not there a few years ago. We have a few here on the site who are in sales and they had great concerns about their customers. @NicoleT and @Katie come to mind. @KimOct works in a gambling place and is constantly around MAGA hat wearing folks. I have it easy as I work in the school system. Still, I was terrified when I came out, expecting the worst. Everybody does! It just might be that the expectation and the reality can be very different.

As for your roommate, I think we all look for the rejection reaction, we expect it to happen. I can't say it doesn't happen sometimes, but so many times, the fear is unfounded.
 

Katie

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There are tons of younger transgender women, but you don’t notice them as much because they are busy establishing their life like everyone else their age.

I came out and started transitioning at 36, with a busy professional career, a wife, and five kids (with number 6 on the way). There is no right time to transition. It’s always risky. You can work your whole life, be ready to retire with some savings, or even be retired already, then transition and lose all you labored for in a divorce. Transitioning is always risky in the financial sense.
 

Linde

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As a medical professional, I had no problem becoming a woman in my job.
But my private life was as vunerable to rejection as it was for everyone here.
My last living blood relative is my adult son, and I was scared like hell telling him.
The reality was absolutely cool, he told me that I alwsys be his father, who he loves, no matter what pronouns I go with.
I lost one couple who were very good friends of me, they used religion for rejecting me.
However ,I gained wonderful new friends. Most of them are cis women, and none of them would have wanted to be this close, if I would have been a man.

Hugs
Linde
 

NicoleT

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Well since I got mentioned I might as well chime in. Transition is different for everybody the people around you at work the people that you deal with on a normal basis for your financial career are all very important people. I’d start by looking at your company‘s policies and what it would take for you to become your true self.

I went 24/7 as my true self outside of work first, so I could get comfortable enough to make that transition. Truth is it was terrifying. Now though I’m glad I did it. I can tell you with as much honesty as possible I never thought I could never transition in this job, I thought for sure I was going to have to get a new job first. I literally go and meet up with 5 to 6 people per day and have to sell them things in order for me to make a living, if I don’t sell I don’t make money.

My advice get comfortable with yourself outside of work first, get your confidence, get your look down, get your voice down and then you’ll know if you can possibly do it beyond work. This can be a process but you can do it. Absolutely nothing is impossible.

About two years ago I was suicidal, I weighed over 354 pounds and attempted to kill myself. My wife passed away non-related, i’ve had to deal with Covid, A surgery that took me out of work for six weeks, and a regional manager who basically thought I was gonna be a drag queen before I changed his mind and he got to know me. I have now transitioned at work, lost over 100 pounds, I look completely different and I am very confident in who I am, more than that though .............for the first time in my life. I feel freedom and happiness.
I have actual joy instead of that feeling of doom and dysphoria, that by itself may be just enough to help you. In the end. Do I still get scared yes why do I feel better about myself every day absolutely.

All of this is always up to you, but give yourself a chance. Any of us here are always happy to chat with you and be supportive. I wish you all the luck in the world and I am rooting for you.

Hugs
Nicole
 
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emerald3204

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As a medical professional, I had no problem becoming a woman in my job.
But my private life was as vunerable to rejection as it was for everyone here.
My last living blood relative is my adult son, and I was scared like hell telling him.
The reality was absolutely cool, he told me that I alwsys be his father, who he loves, no matter what pronouns I go with.
I lost one couple who were very good friends of me, they used religion for rejecting me.
However ,I gained wonderful new friends. Most of them are cis women, and none of them would have wanted to be this close, if I would have been a man.

Hugs
Linde
How did you cope with the rejection? Sometimes that one rejection can overpower 10 positive reactions
 

Linde

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How did you cope with the rejection? Sometimes that one rejection can overpower 10 positive reactions
It hurt very much in the beginning. I tried a few times to have them change their mind, but I was rejected over and over again. My reaction was that of a dog who gets kicked a few times, I dropped them of my list of friends, and cultivated my new friendships instead. Today I can say that I gained more than I lost.

I could not go back presenting as a man (I never was a biological man), my body had changed to much already, and finishing my transition was the only option I had to live a decent life.
I am glad that I made this decission, because I am a pretty happy woman these days, while I never was a really happy man.



Hugs
Linde
 

NicoleT

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My experience honestly has been mostly positive. I’ve had some people who are uncomfortable but that’s normal, that’s what it is, they’re uncomfortable with the situation. This just happened for me and I think the world, especially after this last year, is a lot more accepting of other people than they’ve ever been before.

I found if you approach them individually, starting at the top of the company, and work your way down you can gather allies. HR is your best bet, but only when your confident enough and ready. The more allies you have behind you, who are were willing to have meetings with you while you tell other people, the stronger things become. Having people behind you is the key to making the transition happen.

You’re going to have a few people who are negative, it’s gonna happen, but you’re actually going to find the majority of people either don’t care or will be very positive about things. Truth is their opinions don’t matter only yours does. I’d be happy to talk to you about it further if you’d like.
Now depending on what your job is changes how to approach it, but it can be done. I’ll give you an honest opinion how I think you might do. Maybe give you some ideas. Let’s face it you’re not doing it tomorrow you’re just preparing.

Hugs
 

pamelatransuk

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I don't want to offend anybody but I have noticed that alot of the older/mature trans women I've encountered online are usually those who are retired homeowners with financial security whereby its safer to come out as trans. I'm 47 and I have trans feelings that are growing increasingly stronger it would be career suicide if I decided to dress in public/transition. Sometimes I feel very cowardly but for me to live outwardly as my True Self wouldnt be practical at this time in my life. I long for the day when I have my own place (I currently share a house with a woman I have revealed myself too verbally). I feel like my real life is passing me by. I may never be financially set to do what many other fortunate women can do. Any advice?

Yes your right I was 35 when I stopped feeling guilty but i was 57 when I went full time and left everything behind. Divorced quit job but I left everybody in secure position so job done there. Yes we are slightly better off older but we lived through times when it was illegal to be gay. Where as now there are laws and help etc for all people.
including this group. Age is not important. First step. You are what. Then slowly work on changing your situation. It’s not impossible

There are tons of younger transgender women, but you don’t notice them as much because they are busy establishing their life like everyone else their age.

I came out and started transitioning at 36, with a busy professional career, a wife, and five kids (with number 6 on the way). There is no right time to transition. It’s always risky. You can work your whole life, be ready to retire with some savings, or even be retired already, then transition and lose all you labored for in a divorce. Transitioning is always risky in the financial sense.
Hello Emerald

I have to agree with you as a retired person that Yes many of us do transition late in life. I have always known I am trans but only sought help at the age of 62 when the Dysphoria became impossible to stand. I went fulltime aged 64 and am having GRS soon. I bitterly regret not transitioning when society started, just started, to accept us perhaps 2005 or just after. Whereas my career may have been a barrier to me previously, my main reason for waiting is that my mother whom I loved dearly never accepted me thinking of me as an embarrassment. I transitioned due to the increasing Dysphoria and it appears that is building up inside you.

I agree with Katie there are many young transitioners aswell as older transitioners and the former may not be so visible.

I truly hope you are able to resolve both your career and living terms as it is so important to live as your true self. The person you mention may allow you to be yourself and I hope she does!

Wishing you success and happiness.

Hugs

Pamela xx
 

TonyaJanelle

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I didn't purposely wait for any financial stability to transition. I only have a reasonable amount of that, no house but good job. I also know that having my good paying job and decent insurance has helped immensely. I didn't think I'd have any issues keeping my job when I came out but wasn't totally sure until I found the trans policy on the company intrawebs.
 

Melanierose

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It hurt very much in the beginning. I tried a few times to have them change their mind, but I was rejected over and over again. My reaction was that of a dog who gets kicked a few times, I dropped them of my list of friends, and cultivated my new friendships instead. Today I can say that I gained more than I lost.

I could not go back presenting as a man (I never was a biological man), my body had changed to much already, and finishing my transition was the only option I had to live a decent life.
I am glad that I made this decission, because I am a pretty happy woman these days, while I never was a really happy man.



Hugs
Linde
Yes.
I have changed my friends set to real friends.
 

Katie

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I didn't purposely wait for any financial stability to transition.
Same here. I knew I had to transition when I simply could not continue living as I had been. It just happened to coincide with a good financial period in my life.
 

NicoleT

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Transitioning in my job in the slow season could be financial suicide. I did it at a time that I was not financially secure. I don’t own my car nor do I own my home but some things were more important. I thought there’s no way I could ever do it let alone in the slow season.

I had a decision to make give into the fear of telling everybody I know at work, presenting myself in front of customers, possibly being turned down by customers because of my gender or not living as myself.

Then as it turned out ........not living as myself was actually scarier. Honestly it gets easier every day I feel more and more free. I still know the job and I’m still good at it, same skill just a different way of presenting it. The key was preparation and talking to the company ahead of time knowing their rules.
 

Melanierose

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Transitioning in my job in the slow season could be financial suicide. I did it at a time that I was not financially secure. I don’t own my car nor do I own my home but some things were more important. I thought there’s no way I could ever do it let alone in the slow season.

I had a decision to make give into the fear of telling everybody I know at work, presenting myself in front of customers, possibly being turned down by customers because of my gender or not living as myself.

Then as it turned out ........not living as myself was actually scarier. Honestly it gets easier every day I feel more and more free. I still know the job and I’m still good at it, same skill just a different way of presenting it. The key was preparation and talking to the company ahead of time knowing their rules.
Yes I stil believe if you’re good at your job, confident and a nice freindly person. you can’t go wrong. The bad idea is to assume everyone wil hate you.
obviously now as a woman I know nothing technical but then you have to slowly show the contractor you do know what you’re talking about
 

Madrhode

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Hey young 34 here and transitioned at 24 . You don’t have to be financially stable just determined and smart. I have probably only transitions for maybe 23000 total drs and 10 years hrt included 25500 including electrolysis. It can be done you just need to set on a goal and focus. I couldn’t afford 25000 for grs so I found a job with insurance to cover it. So ten percent would be 2500 and only because of luck I hit my out of pocket so srs and BA is only 250.00 bucks for it. My hrt doctor visits are free and therapist is only 16.00 a month.
 

Melanierose

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Hey young 34 here and transitioned at 24 . You don’t have to be financially stable just determined and smart. I have probably only transitions for maybe 23000 total drs and 10 years hrt included 25500 including electrolysis. It can be done you just need to set on a goal and focus. I couldn’t afford 25000 for grs so I found a job with insurance to cover it. So ten percent would be 2500 and only because of luck I hit my out of pocket so srs and BA is only 250.00 bucks for it. My hrt doctor visits are free and therapist is only 16.00 a month.
Hi
That’s interesting costings. In uk it cost me
2 x £250 + £100 psycholog assess. £250 for endo. £250 for pre surgeon. And surgery £8000 private hospital Wimbledon park side fabulous
Hrt private was costing me £20 / month but then I got it off nhs free after yr then if your over 60 prescriptions are free
 
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