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Katie

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I posted last week about my experience at the pharmacy, where my appearance and ID looked very different, and it nearly resulted in the police being called. Well, I just had a similar experience renting a car.

The easy answer is get my ID changed. But there is something else bugging me. This is something I plan in talking to my therapist about at our next appointment.

I started transitioning three years ago. At that time, I was convinced that I would never pass as a woman. Not even with a bunch of cosmetic surgeries. It just seemed impossible to me.

I put a lot of emotional stock in that idea that I would never pass as a woman. I expected at every turn to be clocked as a man in public situations. And yet, it only happened once last year during a trip to the grocery store when I accidentally slipped with my voice and went pretty low.

But now I am at a point where its becoming clear that I couldn't pass as male even if I tried, and doing so results in people finding it easier to believe I have a stolen ID than to believe I used to live as a man. Although there is always that nagging doubt about being clocked in the back of my mind, the reality is that I am as passable as any cisgender woman.

This has led me to a weird feeling. A feeling of restlessness. Kind of like, "what do I do now?". I put so much effort into passing as a woman in the past, and now I am here. I don't have to put any effort into it now. I get out of bed in the morning looking as female as anyone would need to look. That pressure to make sure I pass is no longer there, and the attention that it required in my life is no longer required.

So, now what?

I don't know. Just go on living my life, I guess. I still have goals, like GCS, but that doesn't have a big impact on passability outside of a locker room.
 

OzGirl

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Katie, I so envy you! Just live your life! We get locked into the changes period and forget why we are doing this, so we can live life as ourselves!!

Hugs,

Allie
 

Linde

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A few years ago, I was at the very same place as you are now. I decided to work at my voice as hard as I could, to make sure it became my standard voice, and it worked. After this, I did my orchi, and as soon I could move enough, I did my name and gender change with anybody and their dog. My next step was to meet the WPATH requirements for GRS, which I did not know I with my condition had to meet to get the surgery.
Once I had done all this, I applied for surgery. And it took more than 3 years until my number came up, and I got remodeled.
And now that this is behind me, I live the normal live of a older cis woman, and run to gynecologists, and therapists, etc., to get standsrd female problems dealt with.
Transition is long behind me, and only the participation in forums like this reminds me of it.

The main reason for my name and gender change was my fear to be controlled and have identity problems, and be put into a male prison for some reason. I was horrified by this, because it had recently happened to a trans woman in Miami, and she had been raped 6 times in the first night.

The danger is there that this could happen to any trans woman, whose papers don't match her presentation.

If I would be you, I would work very hard on getting the ID that matches your person.


Linde
 

Donica

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Yes
So, now what?

Just go on living my life, I guess. I still have goals, like GCS
Yes, indeed, Go on and live you life, but get your name and gender changed ASAP. We don't want to have to bail you out of jail. Your name change will help convince your surgeons and therapist you are ready for GCS.
 

Monica

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With any major change in life, there is a potential for letdown, confusion, feelings of 'what should I do now,' once goals are achieved, but it's okay. It's like a factory making widgets. Everything has been tooled up to make the widgets, and the time and money and effort to make those dang widgets was all consuming. One day, that goal is done, widgets are a thing of the past. Do your market research into what is the Katie factory working on next. Self cleaning dilators and dildoes come to my mind, but pick goals right for you Katie!
 

Kenna

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Yes, Katie, you definitely need to update your ID!
Our identity is such a big thing and so many of us spend so much time working on it that we can easily lose sight of other goals in our life. As well as your ID it sounds as though you need to spend time on life-goal planning. :)
I also had a nice identity win last night that I'll write about in my blog.
Cheers,
-Kenna
 

Lexxi

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As most of you know I don't pass at all. But you know what...I finally have my true name, and it's legal. So even though I don't look good, I can always fall back on the fact that I have my true name and no one can ever take it from me. It makes me feel good every time I see it written or typed out somewhere.

Katie once you get your name changed you're gonna feel even more over the moon happy than you do now.
 

Maddie

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Feb 9, 2020
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Katie, I'm thinking maybe push yourself further, towards locker room-level passing.

Widgetdildo factory don't let me down
 

Emma

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I posted last week about my experience at the pharmacy, where my appearance and ID looked very different, and it nearly resulted in the police being called. Well, I just had a similar experience renting a car.

The easy answer is get my ID changed. But there is something else bugging me. This is something I plan in talking to my therapist about at our next appointment.

I started transitioning three years ago. At that time, I was convinced that I would never pass as a woman. Not even with a bunch of cosmetic surgeries. It just seemed impossible to me.

I put a lot of emotional stock in that idea that I would never pass as a woman. I expected at every turn to be clocked as a man in public situations. And yet, it only happened once last year during a trip to the grocery store when I accidentally slipped with my voice and went pretty low.

But now I am at a point where its becoming clear that I couldn't pass as male even if I tried, and doing so results in people finding it easier to believe I have a stolen ID than to believe I used to live as a man. Although there is always that nagging doubt about being clocked in the back of my mind, the reality is that I am as passable as any cisgender woman.

This has led me to a weird feeling. A feeling of restlessness. Kind of like, "what do I do now?". I put so much effort into passing as a woman in the past, and now I am here. I don't have to put any effort into it now. I get out of bed in the morning looking as female as anyone would need to look. That pressure to make sure I pass is no longer there, and the attention that it required in my life is no longer required.

So, now what?

I don't know. Just go on living my life, I guess. I still have goals, like GCS, but that doesn't have a big impact on passability outside of a locker room.
I’ve met you... you pass as female. I’d never clock you as anything other than cis female. Js.

My perspective is a little different than most I think anyway. I came out around 2000 so I’ve had a bit of time to settle on a viewpoint. You just live you life your way in your truth whatever that looks like to you. To me I see irony in the focus on stealth In our community. We spend a large chunk of life in the closet not living as our true selves and dealing with that hell. Then we come out and transition only to walk into another closet (stealth) with the constant fear of being outed as not-cis. It is slightly different because it’s now a closet of our choosing but a closet nonetheless.

But here’s just something to think about. It’s quite freeing to say..you know what... no more closets. I am what I am. You’ve met me as well. By and large,, I pass. I don’t get looks or second glances. I just go about my days like any other woman. I never feel like my safety is at risk which is a good reason imho for wanting to pass. My transition is done and I don’t think about it generally anymore. But in my view, I live my life as a transsexual woman. In the cases where I don’t feel like I’m passing (we all have days like that) my view is kinda like “oh well”. I do my best to look pretty. I’m not a super girly girl, but I’m confident in who I am which imho is a big factor in passing. If someone were to ask, I’d have no problem telling them I’m a transsexual lesbian. I’ve never claimed to be cis. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being ourselves. So I’d say be who you want to be with no apologies. Just one woman’s viewpoint.

Emma
 
En Femme 728 x 90
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