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Donna

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I have a question to ask everyone. Let's say you are living full time as a woman and in new activities no one knows you are trans.
I'm not saying you tell everyone in that group, but what has happened in a relationship if you told someone you are close to, that you are transgender?
Does it change the relationship. If you told another woman is she just as friendly as before or does she pull away?
I have had that happen to me and she insists that there is nothing wrong but I know I have lost her as a friend.

Donna
 

Linde

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I have had a few different potential girlfriends ( lovers), they stopped every contact with me, once they found out that I am intersex, and have male stuff inside my body.

Hugs
Linde
 

Maddie

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My life and friendships may be completely different than your experience Donna.
In my experience it changes things once you've told them. I was not very discreet about it, preferring to let the rumor mill do it's thing. Because I'm not afraid, darn it ;)

Burn the bridge behind me so no retreat.

Some friends were very supportive, even remaining in my life...short term. But this isn't a phase, and the old me isn't coming back. (The old me was never really "there" anyway).

As I've been changing, different people come into my life.

I have hope that at some point things may come full healing circle with old friends. I believe this, but accept that I don't control exactly which friends or social groups, if any, will come back around with me.
 

OzGirl

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I have been full time for 15 months, but I know I am not seen as a cis woman. In that time I have met and made friends with a couple of people (it was slow during the Covid lockdown) but they accepted me for who I am without me telling them I was trans. I am hoping to start meeting more people and making more friends as things open up more, but they will all know I am trans from the start.

Being able to be stealth would be awesome, but it does come with the concept of deception at times. There is no completely 'right' way to handle it and a reasonable chance it can fall apart at any time.

Hugs,

Allie
 

KathyLauren

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I don't tell people I am trans unless it is relevant. In the unlikely event that I was dating (I am currently happily married, so this is hypothetical), I would tell a prospective partner. I tell medical people when necessary. Otherwise, they have no need to know. I assume that many can figure it out on their own. Good for them. It isn't relevant unless I make it relevant.

So the bottom line is that this is a situation that has never happened to me.
 

Donica

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I will say folks reactions to knowing I'm trans is more positive than negative. I've had a couple of friends pull away, but on the other side, I've had friends become even closer, once they knew I was trans. There is no real way to know if someone will be ok with knowing you're trans. For example, I had a friend of 40+ years, that completely ended our friendship after I told them I was trans. It's your decision if you want them to know or not. I guess one way to look at it is, if they don't stick around, then they probably weren't much of a friend in the first place. In my case, folks probably know I'm trans when we first meet. Otherwise, I don't offer that information openly. Donna, your friends may even know you're trans, but because the trans community is becoming more widely excepted, we are seen as nothing out of the ordinary, and the subject need not ever be discussed.

Hugs!
 
Last edited:

Linde

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the trans community is becoming more widely excepted, we are seen as nothing out of the ordinary, and the subject need not ever be discussed.

Hugs!
Sadly enough Donica, the neck of the woods Donna and I live in, has no trans community, and people like she and I are absolute novelties around here. Business as usual is not what happens much here. That is one of the reasons why she and I are living stealth.

Hugs
Linde
 

Donna

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Sadly enough Donica, the neck of the woods Donna and I live in, has no trans community, and people like she and I are absolute novelties around here. Business as usual is not what happens much here. That is one of the reasons why she and I are living stealth.

Hugs
Linde
Linde, I will agree with the first part, there are not many trans people here, but not the second part. I don't think it's a novelty, for the people I know. The majority of people that know me in where I live like me for who I am, before or after transition. I live in a very accepting community and I am well known for my accomplishments being on my condo board as treasurer for many years. I just got reelected for 2 more years.

Donna
 

Donna

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My life and friendships may be completely different than your experience Donna.
In my experience it changes things once you've told them. I was not very discreet about it, preferring to let the rumor mill do it's thing. Because I'm not afraid, darn it ;)

Burn the bridge behind me so no retreat.

Some friends were very supportive, even remaining in my life...short term. But this isn't a phase, and the old me isn't coming back. (The old me was never really "there" anyway).

As I've been changing, different people come into my life.

I have hope that at some point things may come full healing circle with old friends. I believe this, but accept that I don't control exactly which friends or social groups, if any, will come back around with me.
My life and friendships may be completely different than your experience Donna.
In my experience it changes things once you've told them. I was not very discreet about it, preferring to let the rumor mill do it's thing. Because I'm not afraid, darn it ;)

Burn the bridge behind me so no retreat.

Some friends were very supportive, even remaining in my life...short term. But this isn't a phase, and the old me isn't coming back. (The old me was never really "there" anyway).

As I've been changing, different people come into my life.

I have hope that at some point things may come full healing circle with old friends. I believe this, but accept that I don't control exactly which friends or social groups, if any, will come back around with me.
Maddie, I lost friends I had before but I think mainly because it was a man to man friendship. What I am talking about is that I have made many friendships with women that I did not know before transition and I was wondering what would happen if I told them.

I believe it would change things after I told them, as they think they have a woman as a friend.

Donna
 

Linde

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I believe it would change things after I told them, as they think they have a woman as a friend.

Donna
You have to start changing your thinking. They have a woman as their friends, you are a woman, you currently just have a few anatomical differences. But that would mean to reduce womanhood down to sexual organs, if that would be required to be disclosed.

And the longer you live as Donna, the more your former life will drop into the background, and becomes unreal.
I hardly can remember what I did as a male while I was trying to live as one.

Hugs
Linde
 

Donna

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I have been full time for 15 months, but I know I am not seen as a cis woman. In that time I have met and made friends with a couple of people (it was slow during the Covid lockdown) but they accepted me for who I am without me telling them I was trans. I am hoping to start meeting more people and making more friends as things open up more, but they will all know I am trans from the start.

Being able to be stealth would be awesome, but it does come with the concept of deception at times. There is no completely 'right' way to handle it and a reasonable chance it can fall apart at any time.

Hugs,

Allie
Yes I agree Allie, it can fall apart at any time. In my situation, luckily it is not obvious but you never know when a connection between two distant groups might be made. A funny thing has happened. The manager at the Thrift store where I work insists she has talked to a woman who says she knows me from working at our hospital, where I did work at, but not as Donna. I just say OK and don't ask any questions.

Donna
 

Donna

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I don't tell people I am trans unless it is relevant. In the unlikely event that I was dating (I am currently happily married, so this is hypothetical), I would tell a prospective partner. I tell medical people when necessary. Otherwise, they have no need to know. I assume that many can figure it out on their own. Good for them. It isn't relevant unless I make it relevant.

So the bottom line is that this is a situation that has never happened to me.
Kathy I agree with you. "Need to know" is my policy. It can only harm you sooner if you tell them and they don't need to know.

Donna
 

Donna

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I will say folks reactions to knowing I'm trans is more positive than negative. I've had a couple of friends pull away, but on the other side, I've had friends become even closer, once they knew I was trans. There is no real way to know if someone will be ok with knowing you're trans. For example, I had a friend of 40+ years, that completely ended our friendship after I told them I was trans. It's your decision if you want them to know or not. I guess one way to look at it is, if they don't stick around, then they probably weren't much of a friend in the first place. In my case, folks probably know I'm trans when we first meet. Otherwise, I don't offer that information openly. Donna, your friends may even know you're trans, but because the trans community is becoming more widely excepted, we are seen as nothing out of the ordinary, and the subject need not ever be discussed.

Hugs!
Donica, I'm sure that the new women friends I have made have no idea as I am well accepted and treated like any other woman. One thing I have learned is that if you are a woman then you are in "the club" and treated warmly, unlike with men, at least I was never accepted in the men's club and felt like an outsider, for me what a difference! And you know there is no warmth with men.

I am with many women now, as I play tennis with a large group of ladies, and the women who I work with at the Thrift shop, and ladies groups at church. I have been loving it.

If they thought I was a man underneath the clothes they might not shun me but I would not be in the club.

Donna
 

Donna

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Sadly enough Donica, the neck of the woods Donna and I live in, has no trans community, and people like she and I are absolute novelties around here. Business as usual is not what happens much here. That is one of the reasons why she and I are living stealth.

Hugs
Linde
Donica, Linde and I live an hour away from each other, I live in one of the wealthest cities in the US, Naples, (I am NOTwealthy) and mostly educated, and Linde lives in a town that is primarily blue collar in another county.

Our daily experiences are totally different and I believe her about the way it is where she lives if she says so.

Donna
 

Monica

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Yeah Mike, he and I were close. Went to elementary school together. @Confused
 

Linde

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I forwarded it to trans guy friend, he likes it a lot!

Hugs
Linde
 

TonyaJanelle

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We will see. Not a group of friends but a bunch of new acquaintances in the exercise classes I've gone to with my wife. When I've gone to class without my wife I've been asked where my friend was but I'd guess some of them suspect but definitely don't know. I'm sure masks have been helpful in this regard. I've had short conversations with some as well so my voice has been heard. My BA may out MD to some. Don't see a lot of cis women my age getting boob jobs.
 
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