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Clothes Are Important To Me

NancyBalik

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My first memory of wanting to wear girls’ clothes is Kindergarten. There was a girl who would wear floral blouses that I coveted. I’ve always liked feminine clothing and first started experimenting trying on items from my sister and mother’s closet and dresser drawers before I was ten. Of course, I knew this was “wrong” and was something to hide, and I never did get caught or let on. My high school girlfriend once commented that I seemed to be more interested in watching her get dressed than I was in watching her get undressed (she was right).

So now that I understand that I am transgender, I have a better understanding of the significance of clothing to me. Sometimes I hear it said that they are “just clothes.” Not so. Not to me. Clothing is very symbolic. At least in our culture, particularly in the era that I grew up, 50’s and 60’s clothes were extremely gender-specific. The girls I went to school with wore skirts or dresses, for example.

I have written elsewhere on this forum that I have made a choice not to transition. Perhaps because of this, clothing remains very important to me. I do not get many opportunities to dress fully as my feminine self. When I do, I like to dress up like a woman presenting professionally in the world I once worked in, or a woman going out for a special occasion. I like to feel “extra feminine.” I love to wear my breast forms, and imagine they are really part of me.

But most days I present as male. Because I am not transitioning, am not on HRT, and am not doing electrolysis, etc. I am stuck with the male me when I look in the mirror. So, the experience of “under-dressing” is particularly important to me. I find it extremely reassuring. Fortunately, it is something that my wife tolerates. I do not like what might be thought of as “sexy” underwear -- instead, I prefer floral patterns, pastels, etc. In the winter most days I wear a cami under my male shirt.

To me, this is about “survival” in this non-transitioning place I am in. Sometimes it is enough for me just to see Nancy’s clothes hanging on my side of the closet, or to know what I chose to wear under my male “uniform” that helps me fight off dysphoria and keep a balance in my life. These are some of the reasons that women’s’ clothes are important to me. Nancy
 

OzGirl

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Nancy, transgender brains demand to be self realised, and build a frustration which is dysphoria. I found out many decades ago that if I did something towards realising my brains identity, my frustrations would drop immediately and wouldn't build again for some time. Dressing was most effective for doing this and was able to give me peace until recently, so I can relate to why clothes are so important to you!

Hugs,

Allie
 

Linde

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Reading this, makes me wonder again, why and how I was so different. Ok, the first 6 years of my life I grew up identically to my sister, and wore her hand me down clothing. Once I was in school, I was told that I am a boy, and I tried to be a boy as much as I could. I did not like the roughing that much and rather played with some of the toys of my sister (but never with her dolls - I still don't care for little babies). I never had the desire to be female or wear female clothing, I was told I was a boy, and by gosh, i wanted to be a boy, but always was a little short of the male development of my peers.
Puberty was a nightmare for me! My friends grew into young men with chest hair and everything, while nothing happened with me. When i asked why I am not like my friends, I was told that some people are different, and I was one of those. The burden of being different haunted me throughout my entire teen life, and made me the reason for bullying and not so nice jokes, while I simply wanted to be a real guy like all the others. My life as an adult was relatively easy, mostly because of my job, and of my ex who liked me a lot the way I was different (she disliked hairy, muscle packed men).
My life turned upside down, when my body did not want to play the male charade anymore, and I experienced a whole lot of physical changes that made me very confused and very angry. This anger eventually drove my wife away. Today I know that this change was caused by my menopause, and I learned that I have an ovary.
The wanting to be a man went away, after my ex and I had a very happy marriage, and she liked me just the way I was. There was no need for me anymore to be a muscle packed hairy "real" man.
After some time in limbo after i was alone, I slowly drifted to me real side, my female side, and the first time I ever wore female clothing items was at a Target store, at which I bought my wardrobe for my fulltime life as a woman. And that is now history, and i live a pretty happy life as the woman I always should have been.

@Nancy, I am like you, I don't like lacy underwear, the stuff scratches on all kinds of sensitive skin areas. I buy understands that are mad of cotton, an cover my entire rear end, I don't like the slipping feeling that bikini briefs give me. I don't like lacy bras, because I hate to wear bas to start with, and If I wear one, the contraption has to be comfortably enough to be worn the entire day. Without any wires trying to poke holes into my arm pits, or breaking my ribs, or a band that is so tight that it impairs the function of my lungs. I am happy that my boobs are still perky enough to be able to stand on their own without needing a harness to prevent them falling onto my feet.
nature endowed me well in this section of my bodily development.

Hugs
Linde
 

NancyBalik

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@Linde , Yes, our experience of our trans-ness appears to have been (and to be) very different. I have always felt strong, sometimes overwhelming desires to wear female clothing. As an elementary school child I wished that I could play the games the girls were playing (Jax, hopscotch), but was afraid to go over to their side of the playground.

Just to clarify about underwear (not to make this as treatise on panties), when I said that I don’t choose for “sexy,” what I meant is that I am not wearing skimpy or thongs, etc. I don’t wear cotton unless hiking or biking because they remind me too much of boy underwear. My choices are nylon in pink or pastels(Vanity Fair) or microfiber in floral patterns. Since underdressing is often my only feminine expression, I like wearing very fem panties! 🙂 Nancy
 

Marie62

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Just to clarify about underwear (not to make this as treatise on panties), when I said that I don’t choose for “sexy,” what I meant is that I am not wearing skimpy or thongs, etc. I don’t wear cotton unless hiking or biking because they remind me too much of boy underwear. My choices are nylon in pink or pastels(Vanity Fair) or microfiber in floral patterns. Since underdressing is often my only feminine expression, I like wearing very fem panties! 🙂 Nancy
Besides, our "undersides" if pre-op as a trans woman or as a CD are not made for skimpy things like slim thongs or g-strings and I developed a good eye for required crotch width in panties pretty soon after transitioning. Nothing is worse than running around all day long with undies playing indians on you and with the odd things hanging out on the side as well, that is awful.

I have some nice looking and in part frilly cotton ones but I agree that as for feminine expression nothing beats the pink/pastel nylon or microfiber ones, they are wonderful to wear. And while I do not and never have considered myself a CD, I still very, very, very much enjoy fem panties and think that they are the ultimate expression of female identity since they are intimate even in the sense of noone else but me seeing them (sadly ...).

P.S. Just out of interest, this "playing indians" thing, is that sooo 70s or is this expression still being used? Do you even know what it means?
 

Linde

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P.S. Just out of interest, this "playing indians" thing, is that sooo 70s or is this expression still being used? Do you even know what it means?
I have no idea what you are talking about! But I was an adult already in the 70's, who was happily married at that time.
I prefer cotton undies, because they are way more skin friendly, and mine are definitely female cut, but of the so called full coverage style, and all of them have nice floral prints in multiple colors.
I have nothing left that can hang out anywhere.


Hugs
Linde
 

Marie62

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I have no idea what you are talking about! But I was an adult already in the 70's, who was happily married at that time.
It's what we used to say as kids when we had to wear badly cut underwear ... "My underwear is playing Indians on me. It's creeping up on me, trying to wipe me out". - Ok, I was eightish then, but I still use the "playing indians" idiom to this day, I guess I never grew up ... :)
 

TonyaJanelle

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It's what we used to say as kids when we had to wear badly cut underwear ... "My underwear is playing Indians on me. It's creeping up on me, trying to wipe me out". - Ok, I was eightish then, but I still use the "playing indians" idiom to this day, I guess I never grew up ... :)

Definitely not something we want to say anymore.
 

Marie62

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Definitely not something we want to say anymore.
Ooopsss, I guess I totally missed the political correctness perspective, this is what you mean with the "definitely", right?
 

TonyaJanelle

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Ooopsss, I guess I totally missed the political correctness perspective, this is what you mean with the "definitely", right?

That is correct @Marie62

Didn't say anything before because I wasn't sure what the meaning was.

Looks like its another one of those old sayings that we don't realize what we were really saying
 

NancyBalik

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Never heard it...grew up in the 50’s and 60’s...but, yes, it is definitely a racist trope. Yikes!
 
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