Kenna
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2020
- Messages
- 873
- Gender Pronouns
- She, Her, Hers, Herself
- Gender Identity
- Female
It’s about time I started my own Blog, in which I can post my own news without cluttering others’.
I guess I should begin with an introduction sharing of a bit about myself. The following is a slightly updated version of my original introductory post that has a little extra detail as well.
I'm a 65 year old transgender woman who has been oblivious to this for most of my life. It was only the summer before last (I'm in Australia, so think Christmas 2018), that I was idly "wasting" some time browsing through YouTube when I came across a video by Stef Sanjati; whom I’d previously seen describing her genetic condition which caused more widely separated eyes. I’d originally assumed she was male but she was now openly describing herself as a transgender woman. Surprised, I started following links originating on her page and within an hour or so it occurred to me that being transgender provided a better understanding of my own identity and consequent difficulties than anything I had come across before, and I’d explored many. More research quickly followed and then multiple sessions with a psychologist easily confirmed that I’d been experiencing gender dysphoria rather than the episodes of depression that I’d previously sought treatment for, and that I comfortably met the formal criteria as being transgender, leading to the commencement of hormones in June 2019.
My biggest question was: Why did it take me so long to realise my true gender?
While pregnant with me, my mother was emotionally and physically abused by my father until she managed to get away from him when 6 months pregnant. As I was growing up she was keen to ensure that I had adequate male influence and role models. It may have been a coincidence but prior to school all the friends I had were boys then I was sent to an all-boys school, boarding from grade 7. A consequence of this was that I had no significant contact with any girls of even remotely similar age to me until I reached university, so I had no real idea what any alternative gender might look like. Throughout school I never really fitted in, was bullied and near the bottom of the "pecking" order. By the time I got to university I had been so well indoctrinated into being male that I just kept trying to continue to play the role as well as I could. Being actively involved in a socially conservative evangelical group and similar local churches, may have further contributed to me not addressing my gender identity. I was then preoccupied with marriage, family, work, divorce and caring for my elderly mother, all of which took much of the focus of my thought; that is until the YouTube episode I mentioned above.
Also, until more recent times, there has been very little awareness of people being transgender, so even if I had recognised the cause of my dysphoria much earlier it’s unlikely that I could have done anything about it other than simply acknowledging it.
I am now quite confident in my identity and have begun my transition. Having "played" a man for so long I am sure that I could have just continued and done nothing about it, but I am now quite confident that transitioning is the right thing to do. It is not really feasible for me to come out at work as, while my government employer would be supportive, there are far too many diverse stake holders and vulnerable, challenging people in my work environment to do so safely. Earlier this year I reduced my workload to 4 days a week and am planning to retire, probably in the coming January, if don’t find a more appealing 3 day a week job first, in which I can comfortably express my feminine identity.
My 3 adult children, are uncomfortable with the idea of me transitioning, but have all expressed a commitment to our continuing relationships, regardless of what I do. There's still many more discussions to be had here!
I could easily ramble on for quite a bit more, but let's save that for later posts.
-Kenna
I guess I should begin with an introduction sharing of a bit about myself. The following is a slightly updated version of my original introductory post that has a little extra detail as well.
I'm a 65 year old transgender woman who has been oblivious to this for most of my life. It was only the summer before last (I'm in Australia, so think Christmas 2018), that I was idly "wasting" some time browsing through YouTube when I came across a video by Stef Sanjati; whom I’d previously seen describing her genetic condition which caused more widely separated eyes. I’d originally assumed she was male but she was now openly describing herself as a transgender woman. Surprised, I started following links originating on her page and within an hour or so it occurred to me that being transgender provided a better understanding of my own identity and consequent difficulties than anything I had come across before, and I’d explored many. More research quickly followed and then multiple sessions with a psychologist easily confirmed that I’d been experiencing gender dysphoria rather than the episodes of depression that I’d previously sought treatment for, and that I comfortably met the formal criteria as being transgender, leading to the commencement of hormones in June 2019.
My biggest question was: Why did it take me so long to realise my true gender?
While pregnant with me, my mother was emotionally and physically abused by my father until she managed to get away from him when 6 months pregnant. As I was growing up she was keen to ensure that I had adequate male influence and role models. It may have been a coincidence but prior to school all the friends I had were boys then I was sent to an all-boys school, boarding from grade 7. A consequence of this was that I had no significant contact with any girls of even remotely similar age to me until I reached university, so I had no real idea what any alternative gender might look like. Throughout school I never really fitted in, was bullied and near the bottom of the "pecking" order. By the time I got to university I had been so well indoctrinated into being male that I just kept trying to continue to play the role as well as I could. Being actively involved in a socially conservative evangelical group and similar local churches, may have further contributed to me not addressing my gender identity. I was then preoccupied with marriage, family, work, divorce and caring for my elderly mother, all of which took much of the focus of my thought; that is until the YouTube episode I mentioned above.
Also, until more recent times, there has been very little awareness of people being transgender, so even if I had recognised the cause of my dysphoria much earlier it’s unlikely that I could have done anything about it other than simply acknowledging it.
I am now quite confident in my identity and have begun my transition. Having "played" a man for so long I am sure that I could have just continued and done nothing about it, but I am now quite confident that transitioning is the right thing to do. It is not really feasible for me to come out at work as, while my government employer would be supportive, there are far too many diverse stake holders and vulnerable, challenging people in my work environment to do so safely. Earlier this year I reduced my workload to 4 days a week and am planning to retire, probably in the coming January, if don’t find a more appealing 3 day a week job first, in which I can comfortably express my feminine identity.
My 3 adult children, are uncomfortable with the idea of me transitioning, but have all expressed a commitment to our continuing relationships, regardless of what I do. There's still many more discussions to be had here!
I could easily ramble on for quite a bit more, but let's save that for later posts.
-Kenna
