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A Feminine male vs Transgender

NancyBalik

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2020
Messages
126
Bottom line: None of us have an easy path. But you know what? I still love feeling feminine and I do not want to ever lose my “womanly” feeling and “just be a guy.” And even though I don’t think my wife will ever understand “it,” she seems to be increasingly accepting it (me).
 

Katie

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
2,671
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
I have a friend that I have been getting to know a little better over the last week. She had spent many years living as a gay man, with an undeniably feminine style and demeanor. She just came out this week and decided to transition.

I've been thinking a lot the last few days about the whole "feminine man" idea. A lot of cisgender people will make the same argument for FTM people, only asking "why can't you just be a masculine woman?". They seem to think a masculine woman and a feminine man are the same thing, that mannerisms, behavior, or clothing are all that's involved.

I'm a pretty masculine lady. If you knew me in person, you'd definitely notice it. I have the body of woman, I wear women's clothing, and I've been told I'm pretty, but I have had both men and women comment on my personality being masculine. Yet, I don't feel connected with manhood or being a man at all. I'm a masculine woman, a tomboy, or whatever other word would describe a woman whose personality and behavior skews more toward the masculine. I am very definitely a woman, but I don't have any ambitions to try to force my personality to be more feminine.

My cousin's daughter is bisexual with a stronger leaning toward women, is also very masculine (more so than I, in my opinion), but has zero desire to live as a man and doesn't identify as one. She is quite happy being a masculine woman.

My friend, on the other hand, tried living as a feminine man. She did it for many years. And has just started to figure out that being a man, whether masculine or feminine, wasn't who she is or what she needed.

We all have different ways in which we live out that womanhood or manhood (or enbyhood, just made a new word), but we are who we are no matter how others interpret us.
 

Donica

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
1,572
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
I understand the concept, feminine male. I don't know where I fall, either feminine male, masculine female, or feminine trans woman. I strive to be a feminine transitioned female. It can be exhausting, especially if we are constantly met with opposition.
 

NancyBalik

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2020
Messages
126
I know I am late to respond. I've been traveling, (Yay for the vaccine), and have not been on the blog. If we got back to the beginning of my posting this topic (and the discussion has been most helpful), the concept "feminine male" or 'feminine man" was offered to me by the wife of a crossdresser friend who I have an online friendship with. She finds this term more comfortable (for her) than transgender, and the term was offered to me by her in response to my telling her that I saw myself as transgender, even though I was not transitioning, and I suggested that her husband was on the transgender continuum. She said that she prefers to think of him as a "feminine male," even though she said his public presentation is in no way effeminate. She did describe an acceptance of his femininity, which I found endearing, seemed to understand his "need" to wear feminine undergarments and sleepwear, and other feminine clothing around the house.

Personally, I don't like the term. I still think it has an implication of "effeminate," which to me is very different than feminine. I think I can be feminine, feel feminine, and still "play the role" of "a guy" to maintain my public image as a guy, a husband, a father, grandfather, etc. At home, my wife knows that I wear panties, girly pj's, have skirts hanging on my side of the closet, etc.

Labels are just that. But, in this era of transphobic legislative efforts, etc., I think it's probably even more important that we "own" who we are. I try to do that even though I'm staying in my personal closet. Nancy
 

SuzieO

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
76
Gender Pronouns
She, Her, Hers, Herself
Gender Identity
Female
I know I am late to respond. I've been traveling, (Yay for the vaccine), and have not been on the blog. If we got back to the beginning of my posting this topic (and the discussion has been most helpful), the concept "feminine male" or 'feminine man" was offered to me by the wife of a crossdresser friend who I have an online friendship with. She finds this term more comfortable (for her) than transgender, and the term was offered to me by her in response to my telling her that I saw myself as transgender, even though I was not transitioning, and I suggested that her husband was on the transgender continuum. She said that she prefers to think of him as a "feminine male," even though she said his public presentation is in no way effeminate. She did describe an acceptance of his femininity, which I found endearing, seemed to understand his "need" to wear feminine undergarments and sleepwear, and other feminine clothing around the house.

Personally, I don't like the term. I still think it has an implication of "effeminate," which to me is very different than feminine. I think I can be feminine, feel feminine, and still "play the role" of "a guy" to maintain my public image as a guy, a husband, a father, grandfather, etc. At home, my wife knows that I wear panties, girly pj's, have skirts hanging on my side of the closet, etc.

Labels are just that. But, in this era of transphobic legislative efforts, etc., I think it's probably even more important that we "own" who we are. I try to do that even though I'm staying in my personal closet. Nancy
Hi Nancy. The word transgender does seem to scare some people a lot more than “cross dresser “. My wife definitely prefers it to describe me. I always say I’m transgender but she has a very hard time accepting that. The argument is probably not worth the time. I’m both. She hates it and I love being both. I’ve always been pretty effeminate and she’s perfectly ok with that but she has trouble accepting me as a woman. She’s perfectly ok with everyone in the world being transgender except me. It’s exhausting trying to explain to her about the transgender spectrum. Hugs, Suzie
 

Maybe Cora

Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2021
Messages
11
Gender Pronouns
He, Him, His, Himself
Gender Identity
Genderfluid
My two cents is that is that you should use the terminology you are personally comfortable with and dismiss people who want to categorize you. Of course, you are still you no matter what label you (or others) put on yourself, but language shapes both personal identity and the perceptions of others in a significant way. So we should all use the words we believe best capture who we each are and how you want people to think of us.
 
En Femme 728 x 90
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